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“I don’t think it’s a good idea for just you and me to see each other alone.” My tone is flat.
“Why not? Afraid you won’t be able to help yourself?”
I can’t help a small laugh at that. “You’re really cocky. You know that?”
He grins as he shrugs. “I just got some good news, that’s all. So I decided to press my luck.”
“I’m sorry. I’m just…not ready for that.” I sigh. I wish I could be, but if I can’t trust him, I’m not sure how I could ever move forward.
“What can I do to get you back, Jo?” he murmurs. “How can I make you trust me again?”
My phone starts to ring, saving me from figuring out an answer. I glance at the screen and sigh. “I have to go.”
He looks like he wants to say more, but he opts out of it. “Okay. Same time next week?”
I nod. “I’ll talk to you soon.” I end the chat, and I stare at my phone a few beats without answering it.
It’s Jeremy. I don’t particularly have any interest in talking to him outside of our prescribed hours, so I ignore it. But I’m still thankful the call came in when it did so I didn’t have to answer Lincoln’s question. I wish I knew how to trust him again, but that’s the thing about trust. It’s easy to break. It’s not so easy to win back.
“Am I overreacting?” I ask Sam in the kitchen a few minutes later.
She glances up from the book fair order form she’s flipping through as she leans on the counter. “You’re sort of a natural overreactor, babe. Add pregnancy on top of that, and we’ve got an emotional drama queen. So what specifically are we asking about here?”
I purse my lips and glare at her. “Forget it.”
“Stop. I’m teasing you.” She sets down the book fair flyer and sighs. “Yes, you are one hundred percent overreacting, but I get where you’re coming from. He hurt you back then. Badly. It took a lot for you to be able to trust that he wouldn’t do that again, only to have your heart shattered in a completely different way when you found out what he was keeping from you.”
“Exactly!” I say.
“But I have to be honest.” She folds her arms over her chest. “I’ve tried to put myself in your shoes. I know you’re close with your dad, and I can’t imagine how hard that must have been back then—you were worried about him, but you were also reeling from losing your first love, and then two decades later you meet up again…I don’t know. I guess I just think the whole family feud thing is silly on both sides. You should be free to be with whoever you want to be with.” She lifts herself so she’s sitting on the counter she was just leaning on.
“In theory, you’re right.” I lift myself so I’m perched on the countertop across from her. “But I’m close with my parents, and if they hate the man I’m with, what does that do to my relationship with them? That’s the train of thought that keeps running through my mind. How do we have Christmas dinner together when my dad is staring daggers across the table at him? How do we sit at Jonah’s baseball games together cheering him on when I have to ensure I’m sitting between them so they don’t start fighting?” I sigh. “When you’re with somebody, you’re with their family, too. And I can’t sit at a Christmas dinner at the Nash house across from the man who intentionally hurt my father because of me. So yeah, maybe I’m overreacting to Lincoln holding onto that secret. But I don’t think I’m overreacting when I factor in all the other stuff.”
“Justify it how you need to, babe.” She holds up both hands. “You have to do what’s right for you. But it’s not just your fathers involved anymore. It’s not just your moms, or just the two of you. It’s that baby, too. And maybe the baby is the little miracle that will bring your families together.”
I set my hand on my stomach. I know she’s right, and deep down I want to find a way to get past everything that’s happened—from the moment his dad made a choice to right now.
“What do you need from him?” she asks, and it gives me something to contemplate.
Ideally, we’d find a way to make it work. I would choose him, and he would choose us—all three of us—and together we’d fight for our future.
Ideally, he would put me first instead of whatever secrets he’s keeping for his father or anybody else, and I would know every single day that he’s making a choice, and that choice is us.
But that’s a lot to ask someone, and I don’t know whether I have the courage to ask him to.
I do know one thing, though. I can’t hide this baby much longer, and I think it’s time I tell him…if nothing else, so we can figure out where we go from here.
CHAPTER 14: LINCOLN
I feel like I’m getting somewhere with her.
Finally.
We have future plans on a shared calendar. That has to mean something…doesn’t it?
Still, she only contacts me when she has to for the podcast. I thought about talking to her last night about what Jack told me, but I haven’t quite decided how I’m going to reveal the good news.
She ended the call before I had the chance, anyway, so maybe I’ll tell her today.
