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Desperately she held back her heart. ‘I don’t want you to be someone you’re not.’
‘But you can’t be with the person I am. I have no choice but to change, Kelsi. I’ll do whatever I have to do, to be with you.’
‘Look, I’m fine, Jack,’ Kelsi said, knowing she couldn’t believe what he was saying, knowing this was simply concern. ‘The baby is fine. I don’t know what Alice told you but?—’
‘I haven’t talked to Alice,’ he interrupted roughly. ‘Whatever she wants can wait.’
Kelsi frowned. ‘But this is about the baby?—’
‘You still don’t trust me, do you?’ he roared. ‘How the hell do I get you to trust me?’ Furious, he stalked over to her, yelling in her face. ‘This isn’t about the baby. This is about you. And me. And my inability to leave you.’
‘What?’
‘I don’t want to go without you, okay? I don’t want to leave you.’
‘But—’
‘Kelsi, I want to be with you more than I want anything in my life. More than anything. So I’m staying.’ He grabbed her shoulders with hard fingers. ‘I can’t have you come with me because I cannot cope with the idea of you being on the road while pregnant. That’s just not something I can handle. My mum died having me, Kelsi. They were halfway up a mountain and I came early and she haemorrhaged and there wasn’t the care she needed. So I need to know you’re in a city and near a hospital and safe. And, as irrational as that may be, you’re just going to have to let me away with it because that’s one thing I just can’t get past, so don’t expect me to. I can’t take you any place remote and vulnerable. It’s just not going to happen, okay?’
‘Okay.’ She nodded, her limbs trembling. ‘I get that one.’
‘Well, can you get the rest a little quicker, please? Because I’m going insane here.’
‘What’s the rest?’
‘I love you. I love you. I love you.’
His arms were tight around her and his words ran over each other, all over her, and she couldn’t see through the sheen of tears, couldn’t breathe because her face was pressed hard into his shoulder.
‘Jack?’ she gasped, her fingers clutching at his shirt as she tried and failed to comprehend this magic.
Eventually he took her hands in his, not quite calmly saying it again. And more. ‘We’ll stay here until the baby arrives. Then I can prep for the season in Karearea. You and the baby can stay in the lodge with me. Is that okay? Do you think you could want that?’
‘Oh—’
His mouth moved over hers—not giving her the chance to answer. The kiss was wet and didn’t work well because she was sobbing and shaking but it didn’t matter. He was here and he was real and not only was he not leaving, he wasn’t letting her go.
Finally he lifted his head and looked her directly in the eyes. ‘You’re so precious to me,’ he said. ‘You’re everything to me. And it scares me so much. So much more than any sheer slope.’
Kelsi still couldn’t move, still couldn’t believe. ‘Is it me or is it the baby?’
‘Kelsi, I came back for you. It’s always been you. Before we even knew about the baby, it was you.’
Her stunned-mullet reaction made him haul her closer and speak even faster. ‘From the moment I saw you, you got into my heart and I need you there. I should have known at the time. You’re the whole reason I came back from Canada—it wasn’t my stupid knee. It was you. And now, yes, the baby, too. I’ve got you both and I never knew how much I needed you.’
‘But I don’t want you to ruin your life.’ Her tears streamed. ‘I don’t want you giving up something you love so much because you want to do the right thing.’
‘This isn’t the right thing. This is the only thing. I can’t go now. My happiness depends on staying. I’m still the same selfish jerk. Holding on to you is the most selfish thing I’ve ever done.’ He bent his head, speaking in even more of a rush than before. ‘You’re so strong, Kelsi. And courageous—far more courageous than me. And you’re hard-working and talented and funny and I love everything about you.’ He pulled her closer and she could feel how he was shaking, too.
‘You won’t get bored?’ she asked, painfully aware of how pitiful the question was, but she couldn’t stop herself from asking it. ‘You’re a man who loves a challenge, Jack.’
‘You know what?’ he said softly. ‘I finally get what Dad meant when he said he had challenges bigger and more rewarding than Everest. I was his challenge, Kelsi. As you’re mine. And our baby will be our challenge to deal with together. It’s so exciting, don’t you think? No bigger challenge than that. And we’ll face it together.’
‘But I don’t want you giving up everything. That’s not fair.’
‘It’s just this season—and it’s half over already. I can train in the gym and then pick up again come the New Zealand winter. I’ll still have to travel. And I’m still going for my gold medals. But maybe by then you and the baby could come with me?’
She crumpled and hid her face in his chest again. ‘I want to. I want to cheer you on and be there for you—oh, everywhere. I want your kind of excitement. I want the adventure. I wanted to change my life for you, too, Jack.’ Her voice broke. ‘I just didn’t think you wanted me to.’
