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Laurel blows out a breath, clearly not believing that we can be friends. I’m not sure that I can just be Ben’s friend either.
“What am I going to do? We have to work together for the fundraiser, and he confessed that he wants more. A big part of me wanted to saunter around the table and plop myself in his lap.”
“But?”
“I don’t know…”
“You don’t want to be heartbroken again.”
I shrug. “Well, sure, who does? But I’m not sure that’s it. Nothing can hurt like it did when I was seventeen. I’m tougher now, you know? I can survive on my own. But I don’t want to look like some desperate woman or have people say what a fool I am to go back to him.”
We plop down on the bed. “Are you telling me you’re not pursuing this thing with Ben because you’re scared of what other people will say?”
I nod. I’ve realized that’s definitely part of it.
“Gill, that’s not like you. Who cares what anyone thinks?”
“It’s not just me, though. It’s Clayton too, and when I talked to him about the Ben thing, I saw the pain on his face. I have to consider how this will affect him.”
She nods a few times. “Clayton will be out of the house in four years. You and Ben have both grown up. And I know he’s the love of your life. Don’t try to pretend he isn’t.” She knocks me with her shoulder.
“I’ve dated people.”
She guffaws. “I think you purposely pick people you don’t like to go out on dates with.”
She has a point. Rarely have I seen someone for more than two dates. I compare every one of them to Ben.
“Let’s just go to the party. Stop thinking with your head and start thinking with your heart. Stop getting hung up on the future and just be here now,” Laurel says.
“Hate to break it to you, but that whole ‘don’t think of the future’ thing ends when you have a kid. Because every decision I make affects him.”
We sit quietly on the bed, and I feel as lost as she looks about this decision. Do I want Ben? Of course I do. I tried the anger route, and that got me nowhere. I tried the “stay away from me, you hurt me too badly” route, and that got me to a pizza place, agreeing to be friends.
“Okay, I’m going to ask you some questions. Don’t think, just answer.” Laurel faces me on the bed, one leg bent up to rest on the mattress.
“Why?”
“Just do it. Ready?”
I roll my eyes. “Fine.”
“You’re at the Noughton family Fourth of July pig roast. You see Ben dancing with a gorgeous blonde. What do you do?”
“Ask to cut in.”
She laughs but sobers quickly. “You see Ben touch the small of her back to lead her to get a drink.”
“Go get a drink too.”
“You see Ben go off toward the old barn with her.”
I frown. “Fine, point made.”
“No, I want to hear what you’d do.” Laurel motions with her hand to keep going.
“I’d grab a shovel and hit her over the head with it, then use it to bury her.”
“Man… okay. I didn’t think we were going to murder the poor woman, but those answers show you where your heart lies.”
