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All the credit was God’s.
Doing what I’d want anyone to do for me had I been in that same position.
“I’m far from mad.” Knowing that I needed a little bit more reassurance, he kissed me until I pulled away with blushing cheeks. “Are you done?” He motioned toward my plate.
“For right now. That was really good.” My belly was stuffed. I knew he could cook. He cooked for me before, but that was good as hell.
“I wanna do something. Come on.” We were back in his room where our temporary bed lay made up. I don’t think I’ve ever slept on an air mattress, and I’m sure the old me, prior to this moment, wouldn’t dare sleep on it.
But that’s the thing about keeping my heart open to love.
Creating new experiences.
Living in a world of humbleness.
Taking two permanent markers out of the pocket of his hoodie, he handed me one. “When we’re sleeping, we’re wrestling with a lot of spiritual principalities. I know you already anointed the bed, but I think we should also write scriptures on it. Adding another protective blanket. What do you think?”
I think I’m the luckiest girl in the world.
“I love that. Do you know what scriptures you want to write?” My phone was in my hand looking for my scripture notes. I had an endless list of them that I saved for moments when I needed a reminder of God’s love, promises, and apparently now this.
“I do. How about you write the scriptures you want me to have on my side and I’ll do the same for you?” He was already moving, and I was stuck trying not to turn into a sobbing mess, because where did this man come from?
It’s one thing to desire a man who loves God, but it’s another to receive that man and see that he’s far better than you could’ve hoped for.
God’s best is truly better than my wants.
“That’s perfect.”
What I thought was going to be a quick twenty-minute project turned into an hour. We weren’t complaining. We were being very intentional about the scriptures we chose and where exactly to put them. He placed scriptures that related to the mind at the top. The heart and love below that. But we were on the same accord. Some of our scriptures were the same, further confirming how in alignment we were with each other.
“I’ve never done anything like this. I really thank God for allowing us to have this moment together.” I laid my head on his chest as we lay on our bed, looking up at the ceiling.
“Me too.” His lips kissed my temple. “What you did for me. You’re my greatest blessing, Sunnie Mae.” And he was mine. “What was your dream about?”
My eyes squeezed shut. I hated thinking about that damn nightmare. “The same as always. My funeral with no one there but my parents. What about you?”
His exhale was so choppy. “A demon trying to kill me.”
Lost in our thoughts, we lay there in silence. I won’t lie. Having the same repeated dream of him and my sister not being at my funeral made me so sad because what transpired in my life for them not to be there?
“Right now, I’m in my head asking God why are we having these dreams.” He rubbed a hand over his head sighing. “We haven’t been kind to certain people in our lives, Sunnie. You need to talk with your sister, and I need to handle a situation of my own.”
I knew what he said to be true, I felt that deeply when he spoke it out loud. Laying in my bed to accept my consequences wasn’t a task I wanted to voluntarily do, but the warning was loud and clear.
“Do you think that’s how God is going to punish us if we don’t?” I became so scared.
Sensing my shift in mood, he pulled me closer and held me tight. “I don’t know, but God does say that vengeance is His. He’s loving, but He doesn’t like when His children intentionally cause harm to each other. All we can do right now is ask for forgiveness from Him first and then ask Him how to fix our mess. If this is His wrath, our nightmares, and unsettled mind and spirit, I’ll take that over, pushing His buttons for Him to really react. I read the bible. In the Old Testament, God was a straight G.” We needed that laugh, though everything he said was nothing but the truth.
We needed to change.
I needed to change.
God, please help us.
I’ve gone unscathed a long time playing these games with God. Thinking that if I asked for forgiveness after I sinned, or even before sometimes, He’d show me mercy and forgive me. No need for me to pay for them down the line. No need for hardships to come because I asked Him to forgive me. I used to think that was enough. That’s all I needed to do. Interesting how we allowed our minds to conjure our own logic to justify our sins.
It amazed me how people looked at my life and the things I’ve done and assumed I had no faith in God. Stood stunned when they heard the edifying praise of worship cry from my lips. Oh, don’t even let me pray the house down in the blood of Jesus. Then I was accused of being one of Satan’s imps, using God’s word to beguile his children like the serpent did Eve in the Garden.
