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With each act of service and love this man performed, he sealed with a forehead kiss. Kissed each of my ankles before strapping on my heels. Kissed my eyes before placing on my dark shades. Kissed my hair after brushing it up perfectly into a ponytail. He catered to me, loved on me in my time of need without having to be asked.
I’m going to marry this man.
The entire ride to the church he held my hand, rubbing circles on my skin while silently praying for me and Hillary’s family. Our car pulled in right behind the car housing her parents and in front of them was the horse and carriage carrying her beautiful blush pink with gold trimmings casket. I went all out for my best friend. Her parents didn’t have to pay a dime. They shouldn’t have to bury a child. Behind us were the rest of the family and my parents. Surprisingly, my sister Aleyah had come into town for the funeral. She was the first person I called after finding Hillary’s body. I didn’t have to explain. My tears told her enough, and she was on the first flight out. Besides Ezekiel, it’s been us in my hotel. She’d only left this morning to ride with our parents. Without having to be asked, she was on the program to sing a few songs and say the closing poem.
“I thought security was supposed to be here.” I became infuriated seeing the paparazzi and unknown people in the masses waiting outside the church. Some faces I knew from industry projects and some looked like they only came to get footage for their blogs.
I refuse for her funeral to be used as clickbate.
“I’m going to speak to Mr. Nathan and ask him if it’s okay if you pick out the people that Hillary would want inside. I’ll be right back, okay?” It’s like he read my thoughts and was taking charge.
“I wanna come with you.” Together we got out and the flashing lights started, making my stomach queasy.
Knocking his knuckles on the tinted limo windows, we were met with the red eyes of Mr. Nathan. His wife staring straight ahead at the casket carrying her baby girl.
“If it’s okay with you, we’d like to shorten the crowd allowed in the church. Sunnie will point out who is welcomed and the rest can wait until after the service.” Ezekiel was just as close to Hillary as anybody else and to see him carry enough strength and dominance to take charge when no one else could spoke volumes of the caliber of a man he is.
“Yes. That’s perfect. Thank you.”
I’d already picked out the people who I thought were genuinely present to celebrate Hillary. Fifteen out of the hundreds. Between Ezekiel and the funeral director, they agreed to let them in the church first and then usher in the family. Once we had everything squared away, we were prepared to enter when Simon tugged on my hand.
“Hey, Sunnie. I’m really sorry about Hillary.” His eyes bounced between Ezekiel and me, resting on our joined hands. His jaw flinching made me raise a brow.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, squeezing Ezekiel’s hand, letting him know to keep walking.
“I know this isn’t the time or place but is he the reason that you rejected my proposal?” Was he serious? Out of all the places to question me, he decides to do this now.
This imbecile.
Stepping in front of me but keeping an arm wrapped around my waist, Zeek glared down at Simon, making him cower. “Nigga, if you don’t move the fuck on, I will embarrass you in front of all these cameras. And if I was the reason, what are you going to do about it?” He waited two long seconds and smirked. “Exactly. Nothing, you stupid ass clown. I should beat your ass from pulling this shit on this day of all days.” Not looking back, we moved towards the church doors until Zeek stopped.
“I didn’t think you were going to show up.” Craning my neck to see who Zeek was talking to, my body stiffened and my heart started to beat fast.
Shoulders drooped, eyes covered by shades, and head hanging, Derrick cleared his throat. “I wasn’t. Her parents and I talked a long time yesterday.” Shit. “Part of me wanted to hold on to the memory I last have of her smiling a few weeks ago.” The hell…Hillary never told me she was seeing him again. Shit. Shit. Shit. This is not good. “I know I’d regret it down the line if I never came. Thanks for checking on me, man.” His voice sounded like a heart suffocating under cement, trying to beat and break free.
He sounded heartbroken.
Derrick and Ezekiel being friends wasn’t new to me. They’ve actually known each other longer than I’ve known Zeek. Hillary and Derrick’s meet-cute was almost like a kismet moment in time. She had been hired to style the Laker’s new guard, and Derrick was newly single. They mingled and flirted. A weekend rendezvous that turned into a two-year toxic relationship. He loved Hillary’s musty thong, but they couldn’t get it together to stay together.
Behind those dark shades, I felt his eyes on me and I wanted to run for the hills. “Are you holding up okay, considering the circumstances?” All I could do was nod and lean into Zeek. “If you need anything, Sunnie. Let me know.” A slow nod and he was headed into the church.
I held my breath the entire time Zeek escorted me into the church with an arm wrapped around my waist and another holding my hand.
Four rows behind her immediate family, we sat and waited. Dreadfully waited for the rolling in of her casket. When my sister made her way to the stage and grabbed the mic, I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my lip until the taste of copper swirled around my mouth. Hillary’s father, two brothers, uncle, and two cousins carried in her beautiful casket. My legs were shaking, heart racing, and heart crying with each harmony my sister sung.
Out of respect for the family, the funeral director kept the casket closed during the service. Her uncle gave the reading of the obituary and preached a short but beautiful sermon on the pain of grief. When it came time for personal reflections, the atmosphere shifted from misery to laughter. Her cousins were the comedy relief we needed with sharing funny stories about their childhood. Hillary’s first boss shared more funny stories of her first years working on set as an assistant. Then it took another turn of heartbreak when her father got up.
“I like to call Hillary my miracle baby.” Mr. Nathan removed his glasses to wipe his eyes. Hillary was literally the carbon copy of her daddy. She had his whole face. “After three rambunctious boys, my wife refocused to have another, but I wanted a princess. A little girl with her mother’s face and my attitude, so she wouldn’t be friendly to any boys sniffing behind her. It took some persuasion, but we agreed to try again and prayed day and night that God gave me a girl. We skipped finding out the sex and focused on making sure her mama was healthy, but I was shopping. The Bible does say speak those things that be not as they are, right?” We gave a round of amens.
“On my birthday twenty-eight years ago, God answered my prayers and gave me Hillary. Her mama was so mad when she saw her come out looking just like me. If I didn’t already have a junior, she’d be it. I love all my children more than I could ever put in words, but Hillary was special. She brought an added sparkle to our lives. We have coordinated family pictures because of her. So many memories because all she wanted to do was to be surrounded by those she loved.” He exhaled, whipping his eyes. “I’m angry with my baby girl. I won’t lie. Angry that she didn’t allow me to experience our father-daughter dance at her wedding. Angry that God cut our time short. I miss her so much. I miss my sparkle.” With the help of one of his sons, he made it back to his seat.
“Come. I’ll go with you.” It was my turn and Ezekiel knew I needed an anchor to help me get through. His arm around my waist kept my wobbling knees from completely giving out on me. “I’m right here.” He kissed my ear, remaining behind me. Providing the perfect wall of strength to keep sane and able to speak without breaking down.
“Um.” A shaky breath rocked me. It was so hard to stand up here and not look at her casket.
“Give her her flowers, Sunnie. Share with the world the beautiful being that Hillary was to you.” He spoke to the back of my head, but loud enough for me to hear.
His chest to my back. The transfer of energy and strength. His heartbeat leading mine. I felt like I could conquer the world.
