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Well damn! Damn, damn, damn!
I thought I had found stable ground, a friend at least, but it turns out Spade is only nice because of how close to my brother he is. Not because he really likes me. I should have realized that. I should have been prepared for it honestly. After all, Spade is Roman's friend, not mine. And even though it’s a hard pill to swallow at least it happened now before I did something stupid like really start having feelings for him because I think he is my friend first and such a sweet guy. Not that he isn’t sweet.
I fling myself on my bed. I have no intention of going back out there. Not just now. I think the best thing for me, is to put space between us. Just for a little while. Until I can talk myself into the new way of things. Because quite frankly, I don’t think I can take one more person rejecting me because of who I am or who I’m not.
And it works for about a day.
Then Spade starts questioning all my excuses for not wanting to be in the living room with him. At first, I told him I didn’t sleep very well the night before and I just wanted to get some rest, maybe go to bed early if I could. The following day I made sure Bea and Kat came to pick me up early so I wouldn’t have to worry about any awkward encounters over the breakfast table, but that’s about as far as I got because as soon as I came through the door, Spade is waiting for me.
“Hi.”
“Uh, hi.” I fight the urge to turn around and walk right back out the door.
“I…want to say I’m sorry about last night.”
“Last night?” I take a step back not sure what to say.
“Yeah, I just want to say sorry for being so…overbearing.”
“Overbearing?” What now?
“Yeah, I realized when I thought about it, I probably sounded like a possessive asshole, demanding to be told who you’re saying ‘I love you’ to and I just want to say…sorry. I shouldn’t have…”
“What are you talking about?”
“Last night. When you came out on the phone and I was an asshole demanding to know who you were talking to, which makes me feel like…well, an ass, now.”
“I…you weren’t…no, that’s not what happened.” I can’t speak fast enough, “That wasn’t you. That was me. I freaked you out by saying 'I love you' when I’m a stranger in your home and you’re all worried I’m going to go Psycho Sally and…you thought I was…because of you?”
“What?” Now he is confused. God damn it. “What are you talking about?”
“I was afraid I had made you uncomfortable because you don’t really know me…you know my brother, but not me. And I thought you might think I was saying it to you and worry that…well, because you don’t really know me.”
“No. That’s not it at all. And I do think of you as a friend. We…,” he turns around to point to the area of the couch where we… ’comforted’ one another. “I don’t do that… we’re friends. Never worry that we aren’t friends.”
“God, I feel so stupid now. I just…kind of let Maricia’s words get in my head and…look, if you want me to leave so you can bring someone over…”
“There is no one I want to bring around, beautiful. I’m completely happy that you’re here with me. I enjoy your company… a lot.”
I bite my lip and look around so I don’t have to meet his eyes, “I enjoy your company too.”
The atmosphere has drained of all the tension that was in it earlier. I give him a smile and lean back against a hallway table. At least, that is what I planned. But the table is a little bit further over than I thought and I end up grinning like an idiot as I fall all the way back on my ass.
Not smooth, Pearl. Not smooth at all.
Chapter Thirteen
Spade
I see her start to fall but can’t grab her before she is on the floor.
“Oh my God! Are you…are you alright?” I help her up and watch as she rubs her butt.
“No! I just realized my brother got all the sexy in my family and I got all the clumsy.”
I can’t help but laugh when I realize she is not hurt and laughing too. “Need me to kiss it better.”
“No, crazy, I fell on my…oh!” Her eyes widen and her mouth falls into a perfect round ‘o’.
