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I took a shower, relieved to wash off the layer of dust on my skin. I worked a corporate job, and I visited different sites, but I never got dirty like this. It felt good to be hands-on with this project when I didn’t get the opportunity.
As I got ready to go to my dad’s, I found myself slowing my movements, dreading that moment when I’d walk inside the kitchen and my mom wouldn’t be there. I’d been okay the last time I visited, but I couldn’t help the nerves from kicking in.
I told myself I could do it. It was no different than last time. I’d be fine.
I grabbed my purse and my jacket and walked with purpose down the hall and the stairs. Marley was at the door. “Off for a hot date?”
I laughed. “I’m eating with my family tonight.”
Her face fell. “Not as fun as a hot date.”
“Definitely not.”
Marley came around the counter and hugged me. “Thank you so much for helping Aiden with the theater project. You’ve been a godsend.”
“You’re welcome. I’m enjoying it.”
“If you’re thinking about a career change, I have an entire basement that needs your touch, and I have a feeling you have more ideas for programs we can enact.”
“It’s tempting. I love this inn. It brings back so many memories, tea with your grandmother—” I broke off before I could say anything about her brother.
“Were you going to say something about Aiden? It’s okay. I can handle it.” Then she chuckled. “Maybe not the more intimate details.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. We were kids back then, and things didn’t work out.”
Marley shook her head. “I’m speaking from experience when I tell you this—it’s hard to forget your first love.”
Between visiting my family’s home this evening and Marley referring to Aiden as my first love, I felt a little off keel. “I need to get going.”
“Of course. I wouldn’t want to keep you. Have a good evening.” Marley moved behind the counter, and I pushed the heavy front door open. I hesitated on the steps, and seeing a rocking chair on the porch, I sank into it. There was a beautiful tree next to me, and I pulled my knees up to my chest and dropped my head.
A few minutes later, the door opened, and someone stepped outside. “I thought you were going to your dad’s for dinner.”
I looked up just as Aiden sat in the second rocking chair. “You don’t want to go, do you?”
“I want to spend time with my family.”
“Is it being in the house, knowing your mother isn’t ever going to be there again?”
“How do you see me that well?” Tears pricked my eyes. He didn’t have that kind of relationship with his parents, yet he saw the relationship I’d had with my mother.
“You were gone when she was sick. I bet it’s different for you than your siblings who were there for it.” He held up his hands as if to ward me off. “Not that I think you should have done anything else, but it is more challenging for you.”
I let my head fall back. “It shouldn’t still feel like this, right? It’s been years, and it’s not like I haven’t been at the house several times.”
“Not if you’ve been avoiding the feelings that arise when you’re there.”
I wondered if he’d avoided his feelings when he broke things off with me. If that’s what made it so easy for him. “You know I have. I’ve buried myself in school, then work.”
“Now you’re slowing down; you’re home. Everything is coming to the surface. Things you haven’t dealt with yet.”
I picked at the material of my sweater. “So what should I do?”
“Feel your feelings. Whatever they are.”
“I can’t cry in front of my brothers. They hated when me and Daphne cried. Although I hear they’re better with Izzy.”
Aiden sighed. “I think they want to fix things for you, and they feel helpless when you’re upset.”
