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“You want to drop out?” He glanced at me.
“Uh, yeah, Oli. I do.” We’d only talked about it a hundred thousand times. “You do too. You just never saw it as an option. Our music is good, Oli. You, Noah, and I could make, like, a real band. Everyone’s online these days. Let’s make an official band account and go for it.”
“I’m not leaving June,” he said quickly. It seemed he regretted saying that the second the words left his lips, but I was already giving him an annoying grin. “No.” He corrected himself. “I mean…our project.”
“That’s your only reason?”
He stared at me as if he was truly considering it. As if this, the millionth time I’d suggested we drop out, might actually be successful. Hope bloomed in my chest. This was the closest he’d ever been to agreeing, and I could see just how much he wanted it. He almost looked like he was finally going to let himself have it. “That and the fact that my father would never speak to me again. But he hardly does anyway, I guess.”
“Finish your project,” I said with wide eyes. “I’ll handle the logistics of the band stuff for now. I figure Noah won’t drop out, but by the time we’re home for the holidays, you and I could be free. We’ll work around his schedule. We can find an apartment in the city and go for it.”
I would’ve done anything to be out of here. Anything to be able to hole up in my room and drown in my music and not have to do anything else.
He thought about it for a silent moment. A moment that felt like a year. Cliché, I know, but it was a feeling I was used to. I felt it every time I begged Kai to come back, which was at least once a week. The interaction would always go the same way. I would mention her return, she would flick a smile at me, then her expression would slowly fade, and she’d look away from the camera before changing the subject.
Oli was looking down at the ground. I expected him to change the subject and continue on his way, but instead, he nodded. “Under one condition.”
“What’s that?” My heart began pounding in my chest. Odd. I hadn’t felt that in a long time.
“You try to have fun with me tonight.”
My eyes somersaulted. God, him and Kai both. I sighed. “Does my success have any influence in the matter?”
He rolled his eyes back at me, shaking his head. “No.”
“Fine.” Fine. I could handle one night out if that truly meant we were leaving. I held up my hand to high-five him. He gripped my thin fingers and tugged me into a hug.
“We’re out of here, man,” he said with a promising pat on my back.
For what felt like the first time since Kai left, I relaxed my shoulders. I hadn’t even noticed they’d been tense, but suddenly, they were some two inches lower than usual. I let my lungs indulge in a deep breath which cut right through the persistent nausea in my chest. The thought of being able to focus on things I actually liked, like music—okay, thing that I liked, I should say—without being in this uncomfortable environment instantly made me that much calmer. The slight relief was so sudden and so abrupt. I still wasn’t entirely happy about the way my life was at this particular moment, but there was no more peanut butter in my throat, and that was progress.
With our new agreement solidified, I followed Oli to try to have fun with him tonight. He brought me to a dilapidated townhouse on the edge of campus. The white paint peeled off the building as if someone had taken a cheese grater to it, and the screen door was practically off its hinges.
What a nightmare.
According to Oli, some kids from his American Lit class lived in there and they’d invited him over a few times throughout the semester, though he was always too busy studying to take them up on the offer. Unfortunately for me, he decided on tonight to finally accept. What people our age enjoyed about standing in a run-down house surrounded by idiots, I did not know. But I did know that I was about to get stuck doing it too.
Upon entering, Oli pushed through the crowd, my little body following close behind him as his stature carved a path through the people. There was so much noise in the place, so much pushing. The music didn’t help and the people much less.
It was moments like these, when I stood in a swirling sea of strangers, that I desperately needed Kai nearby. Crowds overwhelmed her too, but she was better at faking it. She was the perfect person to have close because she’d cling to me to keep herself calm, unknowingly pacifying me as well, but she also knew how to navigate the situation so I didn’t have to.
Oli didn’t mind socializing. For some reason, he actually liked learning about other people. He certainly didn’t want me hanging on him like a grumpy child as he did his best to make a decent impression.
Finally, after five solid minutes of pushing, we made it to a kitchen. A clearing. Oli grabbed a beer and leaned casually against the counter. I did the same and leaned by his side, crossing both my arms and legs tightly and letting my critical brow settle in a bit deeper. My brain fixated on the throbbing starting to grow behind my forehead and the icy glass on my fingers.
“Why are we here, Oli?” I muttered.
“Because we need to get out.”
Liar. If that were the case, he would’ve brought me to one of these stupid parties the first or even the fifth time his classmates asked. “You gonna give me a real answer?”
He paused. “Because I can’t stop thinking about June, and she’ll never want to be with me.”
He was an idiot. My best friend was a fucking idiot. If he didn’t see how much he got under that girl’s skin then, quite frankly, he was the biggest dumb-ass I knew. The two were obsessed with each other. I could see that and I’d only really met her for a few minutes before. Not a word left either of their mouths during the entire interaction that wasn’t a scathing insult, and Oli was never a mean person.
“Why would you say that?”
“Because she hates me.”
