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“She hates you, but you’ve been making out in the library. Right.”
I was surprised to see the broken look on his face as he turned to me and said, “Nothing I do will make her hate me any less. Believe me. I could see that today when I left her. I tried to be delicate with her, to make her…happy. And she just… It’s like she’s terrified of me or something. She’ll only get close to me when we’re fighting, and then the heat dies down, and she… I try to… I keep my cool, but I’m worried that’s all I am to her.”
I didn’t believe a word he was saying, but what did I know? Relationships were never exactly my forte. I’d had a whopping total of zero in my lifetime, after all. The least I could do was be there for him. “So, what? Did you come here to get a girl or something?”
“What?” My question offended him. His fault for confiding in me about these types of problems. They were much better suited for Kai. “You know I’m not doing that. I don’t want that. I just… I don’t know. I just don’t want to think right now.” He shook his head and looked past his crossed arms at the floor.
Before I could say anything else, a voice sounded from the entrance of the kitchen. “What’s up, guys?” The man behind the voice was broad and handsome. The typical jock type that I had absolutely nothing in common with. The type that threw team parties and listened to loud, terrible music. I quickly learned that the jock was Max from Oli’s class and that his question was directed at us.
“Hey, Max,” Oli said with a quick lift of his beer.
I just pressed my lips together in a flat smile. It was my best effort.
“Hey!” Max said, signaling to me with his chin. “I know this guy!” He put his hand on my shoulder, which immediately tensed back up to my ear. “This is the little dude from your Instagram pictures.” Oli’s acquaintance was evidently drunk, though I could tell I wouldn’t have been a fan of him even if he weren’t. “You two are always hanging around with that chick.”
“Max, man,” Oli said, casually taking charge of the direction of the conversation. It seemed he had an idea of where Max was going with that last statement, as did I. “This is Jonah. We grew up together.”
“It’s cool to meet you, John. But Oli, man, you should bring that girl next time. She is…” Max held his hands up in front of himself and mouthed the word wow before keeling over with laughter.
To say I was fed up with the interaction would be an understatement, and it only took about two sentences to get me there. As I stared straight ahead, arms pressed so hard across my chest they were practically pulling at each other, I could feel the muscle in my jaw jumping. I really must have been a dick in a past life, because this was some sort of weird torture. Life was some sort of weird torture.
“That’s Kai,” Oli said. I shot him the sharpest glare I could muster. He gave me a look back that felt a little bit like an apology and a little bit like a plea for me to lighten up. It was a look he gave me often. “She’s our friend from home, but she lives in Spain now.”
“I don’t think your friend likes talking about her.” Max giggled and swayed on his legs, sticking his elbow out toward me. “That your girlfriend, bro? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. Nice job though. She’s hot. I guess the geek really can get the girl.” He flashed a finger gun my way while I wondered if this was a real interaction or if I was being pranked. “Anyway. Oh, did you guys watch last night? Man, what a game! You guys are into football, right? Yeah. Rogers is gonna take us all the way to the championship. Rogers! Woo, woo!”
Following Max’s chant, a chorus of men’s voices arose to repeat him from different rooms of the house.
The tension released from my face, falling from anger straight to the inability to comprehend the person in front of me. Everyone in this building was an idiot.
It was taking an enormous amount of effort for me not to express verbally just how little I cared for Max and just how terrible I thought the party was, but I couldn’t do that to Oli. Instead, I escaped to the bathroom. I observed myself in the mirror as I had many times before. Nothing had changed. My black hair was tied into a low, messy bun. I was still wearing the T-shirt I’d been wearing since yesterday, and the jeans I wore had been in my arsenal since freshman year of high school. Not that I cared, but it was no secret to me that I was the least good-looking person at the party. Probably the least sociable too.
Oli was good-looking. I mean, he was no supermodel, but he had his own thing going on. He was big, tall, and bearded. That’s really all he needed. He didn’t really hook up, besides June, apparently, but at least people showed some interest in him from time to time. I didn’t necessarily care if people showed interest in me, but god, it would’ve been nice for someone to say I looked good.
One person, in particular.
Finally, I gathered up my strength and exited my water closet solace. Much to my surprise, Oli was waiting right outside the door, leaning on the wall with his arms crossed.
“You were right. This stinks,” he said. He bent over closer to my ear and lifted the side of his open flannel, whispering that magic word. “But…” He brandished a bottle of whiskey hidden inside his shirt. “Let’s get out of here.” He quickly folded his arms over his stolen treasure.
I sighed with relief. “Oh, thank god.”
That was one thing I could always count on. As much as Oli tried to socialize, he was still my best friend, and that wasn’t for nothing. He could get out, sure, but he was quick to see if an outing was worth it or not. I never gave it the benefit of the doubt, but he did, and he nearly always came around.
We snuck back to the dorm with our free alcohol and hid away. Nothing mattered. Just over one more month and we’d be out of here for good.
Chapter 5
Kai, Sophomore Year of College
Oli and Jonah didn’t go back to school this semester, and I can’t say I wasn’t a little bit jealous. My education was very important to me, but the process of getting it was harder than I’d imagined. University was fine, and so were my friends. But spending all day in school, all afternoon in dance classes, and all night working at the bar was proving to be just a bit too much.
It’s just that I couldn’t quit dance classes; that was my thing, I was a dancer. I couldn’t quit the bar; I needed money to get myself out of that awful student housing and into a small apartment. I’d also picked up a client as a social media manager and ran his accounts during the day, which was flexible with my schedule and offered me another stream of income. So, I couldn’t quit that either. I really did need that money. And I couldn’t quit school; it was school, after all. But by the spring of my sophomore year, I was mere moments away from giving up entirely, forcing myself to get a grip in the dirty bathroom of the bar where I worked, only two hours into another night shift.
“Stop, stop, stop.” I groaned to myself, pulling at my hair and watching a hot tear fall off the end of my nose as I leaned over the sink. My body was off-kilter from what Javi and I had just done in the storage room; a futile attempt to make me feel better after a long day. I hardly felt presentable enough to go back out and work, but that’s what I was here for. “Suck it in, Kai. Just suck it all back in.”
I took a deep breath and slapped my cheeks before smiling at myself in the mirror and returning to the bar. There was a mass of people standing in front of it, holding money out and yelling drink orders into the air as if my co-worker could hear all of them at the same time over the music. We caught eyes in silent understanding of our shared suffering.
Two days. That’s how long it had been since I’d slept. Given the schedule I maintained, the time I had to myself was minimal, though I found it in sparse moments as I cried in the bathroom. I was grateful, really, albeit tired. Not everyone can say they have a job, or a family, or a partner, or an education. My busy schedule was not only a lesson but a privilege. So, no complaints.
