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“Oh, I’m not really looking for anything but thank you. I already have my own account to run. I just like doing this with the guys.” I pointed my thumb back toward the door of the studio to punctuate my statement, but Justin caught my hand in his palm.
I stared at the way his touch wrapped my knuckles, and I didn’t like it. Suddenly, I could feel my heart knocking at the inside of my chest, screaming at me as if to ask what the hell was going on out here. I’d been working on my strength, convincing myself I’d be ready if anyone ever tried to lay a hand on me again, but being in the situation was far different than imagining it.
No. I’m jumping to conclusions. Justin is just weird.
“You like doing this with the guys?” he asked, staring at my hand in his as he untwisted my fingers with his own. “Or you like doing this with Jonah? What’s up with you two anyway?”
“We’re best friends.” It wasn’t until after I’d spoken that I realized my voice had quieted down into a pathetic whisper.
Justin lowered my hand, still holding it between his pointer and thumb. His eyebrows jumped. “Not together?”
Lie, Kai. It’ll make him back up. Tell him you’re together.
No. Guys like this don’t back up for anything. Don’t bring Jonah into this. Don’t cause problems for him and the team.
“No.”
“You’re beautiful, Kai. You could go far in this city.” Justin stepped closer and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, sending a sinister sensation down the back of my neck.
He’s only getting closer because you haven’t said anything. Speak up. Now.
“Thank you, Justin.” I smiled and held my hands up between us to create distance. “I appreciate the chat, but I’m not interested in anything you’re offering. I’m enjoying things as is.”
Good job, Kai.
“Oh, but they could be so much better.” He placed two strong hands on either of my shoulders.
It was at that moment that I saw something in his eyes, a beast-like glimmer of undomesticated likeness. I’d seen it before in Javi and some of the others who worked at the bar back in Spain. They took powders and potions to stay awake all night, or so they said. Whether that reasoning was true or not, the side effects were torment, and I believed Justin was riding a similar wave.
Fuck. I am so fucking nervous right now.
“No, thank you.” I kept grinning, for some fucking reason, anxiously tightening my hands up toward my face. My attempt to shift to the side was met with his reactionary movement to follow me.
“This is LA, Kai. You’d be silly to pass up this type of opportunity. It’s all about who you know here.” His voice became more threatening with each second, and I couldn’t decide if I should stand up for myself, like I always said I would if I were caught in another situation like this, or keep being polite to ease him off.
Let’s be real though, politeness doesn’t ease off predators.
I ripped myself from him and started to walk away when his fingers wrapped my bicep and pulled me back. My free hand shot to push the middle of his chest, but he snapped back like a boomerang, taking each of my forearms in a stronghold. His eyes widened. “You like to play games, don’t you?”
“Do the boys know you’re high?” I asked sharply, my teeth grinding beneath my cheeks. A cooler and stronger version of me would’ve spat right in his face.
He sucked in a quick breath. “The boys know I get my job done, and you’d do well to understand the same.”
The feeling of his hands on my forearms tickled me in a way I couldn’t stand, my entire body cringing into a defenseless pile of rigid bones. His grip was tight. Too tight. He buried his face in my neck, and my jaw instinctively caved into my shoulder to attempt to squeeze him out. But his tongue touched skin, and a piece of me that had been dead in a corner for years opened its eyes.
My shoulder relaxed. He was already doing it, so why fight it? I stared at the opposite wall as he ate away at me, covering my sensitive neck in gross, wet tickles. It was so incredibly icky and slimy. I couldn’t stand it. But struggling just makes it worse, I’d learned. There was no way I could get out of this, and certainly not without causing a scene.
So, this was it. No matter how hard I tried to better myself, it would keep coming back to this. Sex had already been robbed from me anyway. Why try to act like that could change? Why look at Jonah as if he could somehow fix it for me? Justin’s teeth scraped me, and he moved to the other side, running his hands down my back to grab my ass. I would’ve preferred he just killed me. Maybe I should’ve spent these years ruining myself instead of getting stronger so no one would think to look twice at me.
I think you’re passive, and that’s not a secret to you. Jonah’s words rang through my head. You don’t always put up boundaries, so…things go wrong.
Was this my fault for not putting up a boundary?
No. How could you think that, Kai?
Not my fault. But it was an opportunity to not be passive. I had to do something.
Justin’s lips lifted from my neck. I didn’t know how long I’d been thinking or how long I’d let him continue groping me, but when his face launched toward my own, his mouth beckoning to take mine, the only thing I could see, hear, think, was Jonah. Not Jonah, my crush. Jonah, my best friend, who for years begged me to do something. To protect myself.
