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Chapter 22
Kai
Two weeks passed, and I enjoyed spending time with the band, watching them create, and capturing it all. I continued to observe Jonah closely, overtly aware of the fact that my feelings for him were shifting. Something about the way he touched me on the beach, or the way he spoke to me in general. I couldn’t quite pin it. But I did a lot of thinking and spent much more time sprawled on the floor of the shower, daring my fingers to trail between my legs.
They never did. But I almost wanted them to. For the first time in years, I almost wanted them to.
Perhaps it was just a silly phase. It could’ve had to do with timing, my healing, or the fact that someone was giving me real attention for the first time in a while. I didn’t really know.
One thing I was definitely sure of was that he did not reciprocate. We were far too close for even me to feel comfortable with the thoughts that sometimes plagued me. I couldn’t imagine what kind of damage they would’ve done to his gloomy brain.
Honestly, I thought he might’ve had a crush on me back in high school, but that’s how kids are. They fall into infatuations. They romanticize. They catch one glimpse of a person and decide they’ve found the one. But as an adult, Jonah didn’t have an interest in anyone. I was surprised when he dated Caroline. I thought he might’ve hit a late puberty or something and suddenly became interested in romance, though he quickly proved me wrong. Jonah wasn’t into that stuff, and my sudden curiosity about sex was the furthest thing from a good enough reason to ruin our friendship.
I sat criss-crossed on a spinning chair in the studio, taking a clip I was particularly fond of. Jonah was sprawled on an identical seat in front of the mix desk with a guitar in his lap. His black hair draped around his face as he leaned back, his black sweatshirt swallowing him up. For my best friend of twelve years, he was looking far too handsome. He strummed chords that sounded particularly horrifying as the guitar was completely out of tune, keeping a straight face as he asked me which sounded best for a new track. Each time I giggled, the shaky phone camera caught a glimpse of his smile before he returned once again to the very serious work at hand.
“Kai, I really can’t keep writing this song if you don’t help me,” he said, his lips twitching up at the end of his sentence to show me a peek of his white teeth.
“I’m sorry, Jojo, but my musical sense is no match for your expertise.”
“I am pretty good, aren’t I?” he teased, rocking from left to right on the chair with a swift coolness.
He was, and that hint of cockiness that lived inside of him was the very thing that allowed such a closed-off man to be such a wonderful lead singer, despite all his doubts. When he had space to sing his songs and truly let himself go, like in a performance or when he was alone, he was absolutely breathtaking. It was just when he felt closed in by other people that he started to recede, which was frequent, unfortunately.
“Your fans seem to think so.” I peered out from behind the phone and kept recording to catch his reaction. “Have you ever checked the messages on the band account? The singer has such nice hands. Look at those fingers on that guitar, my god. The tattoos! That hair!”
The most beautiful, genuine smile stretched across his face as he looked off to the side, stopping his hands over the out-of-tune instrument. It was kind of cute to see him receive praise, considering he’d received none while we were growing up. From his parents, sure, but from girls? If anything, he got picked on, the poor thing.
“Funny. What they like is the perfect lighting and the carefully crafted image. You, my beautiful girl, are the only person who’s liked me since day one.”
“Like you?” I was almost offended. “I love you, you famous piece of shit. All these girls are making me jealous.” They actually were. Just a little bit.
Jonah’s smile widened even more, and the video tumbled as he wrapped his hand around the phone and pulled it away from me playfully. “Give me that.”
He held the device up in front of himself to record me before lifting his sneaker off the floor and placing it on the armrest of my chair, kicking with a deep force that spun me in my seat. I held on tight as I whirled around, my brain rolling in my skull. Finally, I planted my feet and lifted a hand to my hairline, regaining my bearings. “You know, Jo, if you keep teasing, everyone in this room will think you have a soul.”
“Totally worth it,” he crooned, dropping the phone to his thigh.
Suddenly, a voice sounded to my left, breaking our playtime as it often did. “Kai, sweet girl.” Both Jonah and I turned. Justin’s slicked, brown hair came into view, and my gaze snagged on his giant smile meant to charm. “Let’s talk business.”
His outstretched arm beckoned me to stand. I glanced at Jonah as a way of excusing myself, immediately noticing the tightness that overcame his features. He’d been keeping a closer eye on Justin lately. It wasn’t hard to tell that the guy made Jonah uncomfortable, a sentiment which I shared. I wasn’t sure if our friends saw it too. The girls definitely thought he was weird, but they didn’t seem to pay as much attention to it as Jonah and I did. Maybe the two of us were just being anxious.
Justin brought me out to the hallway for privacy, so I assumed he was going to talk about money or something else that would’ve been rude to discuss in front of the others. The door of the studio shut behind us, and he walked me down the corridor, closer to the window at the end of it.
“How are you doing, sweetheart?”
He always called me stupid names like that, as if he was twenty years older than me or something. He wasn’t. The guy was, like, twenty-eight.
“Good.” I nodded, keeping my smile in place.
He bobbed his head happily. “You like working with the boys?”
I’m not a little kid who needs to be checked up on. “Yes, I do.”
“Good.” His hand fell to my shoulder. I made no visible reaction, though my insides solidified to steel. “I know they love having you. We all do. I think you could really do a lot with this knack you’ve got for creation and management.”
“Yeah, well, it’s my job,” I said with a false chuckle, hoping the laugh would cover up the fact that I thought his observation was stupid. He was speaking as if I weren’t already making a living off the business I’d created with nothing more than an Instagram account.
“It is. You should stick with me. We can get you more clients, more bands to work with.”
