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I looped her arm under mine, pulling her closer to my side. “I’ve been doing wonderfully ever since you arrived.”
“Funny.” She flicked my shoulder. “You know you can’t depend on me to be okay.”
“See that pier up ahead?” I asked, stretching my finger to the rickety structure in the distance.
She tugged once on my extremity. “Do not ignore me, Jonah Alexander.”
“Do not ask questions you know the answer to, Kailyn Vitale.”
I looked down at her as she snorted loudly. I never called her by her full name. Matter of fact, the number of times I’d ever used the name Kailyn could’ve probably been counted on a single hand. That name was only used to belittle her, like when her mother was pissed. But how could I so blatantly belittle someone so superior? No, I used her preferred name with intention, paying my respects every time it left my lips.
She swallowed her grin and pushed us back to the topic at hand. “I’m serious. We already talked about me, and now I want to talk about you.”
We walked at a steady pace, the hard, wet sand sinking slightly with each even step.
“We didn’t finish our conversation,” I reminded her.
She tutted. “I think I’m old enough to work my shit out on my own, don’t you?” So, the sun had helped. “Tell me why you’re sad. Tell me why you pace at night.”
A complex question. I lurched to a halt, my arm trapping hers as I did so. She faced her back to the water to look at me, and I returned the gesture in her favor.
I looked at her collarbone, which poked out from her skin quite noticeably. Her emerald bikini strap was twisted, and I was suddenly desperate to fix it. After a moment’s thought, my pointer hooked into it. I let myself run one slow finger underneath the strap, dragging up to allow it to straighten itself. One indulgence. That was my reward for opening up about this just a bit, I told myself. I finished my movement and offered my compensation. “There is a weight on my shoulders, Kai, that I’m not entirely sure how to carry.” That’s all I wanted to say. That’s all I really could say. My life had become truly wonderful. I had a nice apartment, excellent friends, and a career I mostly enjoyed, but there was a large, gaping hole.
I’d be lying if I said Kai’s lack of romantic reciprocation was the only thing weighing on me, though I certainly did a good job of excusing it as such. My head simply did not let me enjoy things as it should have. My experiences had drained me of all hope. Humanity had taken away my will to keep trying. People never understood a thing I said or did or intended anyway, so to keep trying seemed almost pointless.
“And that’s where you come in,” I continued. “You help me carry it.”
Each time I emptied out, she filled me back up. What was so wrong about that? I couldn’t keep myself going all the time. Sometimes, I needed a hand, which I didn’t see as a crime. And I wished she would see it, too. I wished she would lean on me more instead of brushing her problems off and letting them steamroll her insides. I don’t mean the many things she had openly come to me about. I mean that which was dimming her smile. That hollow distance in her gaze.
“You make me sound like a tool,” she said. “An object.”
My eyes met hers once again, and she smiled. She wasn’t offended, though it wasn’t my intention to make her feel that way.
“See that pier up ahead?” I repeated, continuing our walk along the sand and turning her gently to do the same.
She humored me this time. “I do.”
“See how far the walkway goes?”
She nodded. “It’s quite a long pier, Jo.”
“If you took away all those rickety legs it’s standing on, how far do you think it would get?”
“Not very far, Jojo.”
“Sometimes two legs are not enough.” And that’s truly how I felt. It’s not that I wasn’t trying. I was, very much. But I was running in quicksand, constantly winding my legs up only to be brought nowhere.
“I tell you I feel like an object, and you compare me to rotting sea wood. Is that what I am to you?”
“Yes.” I immediately scooped her up in my arms and started toward the ocean. “Now you’ll go back to where you belong, sea thing!”
She yelped as we quickly neared the cold, shallow water. My stomping feet splashed droplets over my legs and her backside, the icy contact causing her to clench onto me tightly.
“Do not drop me in there, Jo, do not let me go! It’s dark and freezing!”
“Oh, but you belong to the tide,” I teased.
Kai loved the ocean about as much as she feared it. If it were warm and clear, she’d spend the entire day swimming around. Though she’d touch the bottom as little as possible, of course, likely wearing the dorkiest pair of water shoes known to humankind. The Pacific wasn’t as forgiving as those beaches she so adored off the coast of Corfu or Caracas. Dangling feet in the dark expanse was the very image that haunted her nightmares.
