AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Jonah was seated in his bed when I returned. I nestled into the futon, though instead of lying down, I sat sideways with my feet up, facing his desk and computer with his bed to my right. The upright position would keep me awake a while longer as well as inform Jonah that he wasn’t going to sleep just yet. It was our first sleepover in years, and I wanted a late-night conversation. “Tell me, Jo, about you.”
His head disappeared behind his nightstand as he sank into his covers. “What do you want me to tell you? You know everything significant.”
Oh, no, no, no. There was no way he was getting off the hook that easily. “But what about the other things? Come on.”
No answer.
“Are you seeing anyone?”
Still no answer. I knew he wasn’t.
“What about Caroline? She was nice, right? I never really knew what happened.”
Finally, he offered me a long sigh and a response. “Caroline was not nice. Caroline acted nice.”
I hummed thoughtfully, staring at the far wall in front of me as his head was out of view anyway. “Do elaborate.”
“Honestly…” The bed squeaked as he shifted his weight around, and he made a breathy noise like he’d found the right position to get comfortable. “It was mortifying to admit that anything was going on. So, I just said it didn’t work out so you guys wouldn’t ask questions.”
Huh. That sounded like an honest answer. I expected him to say she wasn’t nice simply because Jonah had little tolerance, but the authenticity of his response piqued my interest. Placing my hands on the futon below me, I launched myself from my seat and stepped onto the carpet, moving to sit on the edge of his bed.
“Talk to me about it,” I said.
He shook his head with a soft smile on his face, sitting up to lean against the headboard as he reached to grab my fingers and twiddle them lightly in his.
“Open up to me, you dork.” I grabbed a bottle of my own black nail polish that I’d stuck on his nightstand for later use and seized his hand fully. I began painting his nails against his will, though he didn’t even try to protest, and he finally surrendered to my pestering.
“She was really jealous. Of everything. Of the weirdest things. She’d start fights when I wanted time alone to write or hang with Oli. And she made me feel guilty because she wasn’t doing well mentally, I guess. We talked about it a lot, but I felt like she didn’t want to, or maybe she couldn’t, see my side of it. It frustrated me, and I just didn’t want to be near her anymore.”
“Maybe that was part of the problem.” My eyes turned up to his and then back down to his fingers.
“Yeah. I didn’t exactly make her feel wanted. I’m not sure I ever really did want her, actually. But I certainly tried.” I paused, waiting to see if he’d add anything to that claim. I hoped he would. “I know that was my fault.” Good.
“Well, you didn’t have to force it either,” I admitted just as I accidentally swiped black paint over the tip of his finger. I began searching for something to wipe it with, tucking my hand into the drawer of his nightstand. “Are there tissues in here or just loads of porn and pictures of me?”
I expected him to simply smile and give me consent to open the compartment, but instead, he offered a comeback. “It’s not 1984, Kai. I watch porn on my phone.”
My mouth dropped open. Did Jonah Alexander just say the word porn in front of me? “Jonah interested in sex? I absolutely do not believe it.”
He chuckled and nudged his chin out, granting me permission to look inside the drawer. I did find tissues as well as some cables, a dance photo of me from when I was about eight, and a single condom. Before cleaning the tip of his finger, I grabbed the condom and held it up in front of him. It was fucking XL. “Jonah, you dirty man. I really am learning a lot about you today.”
He smiled and took it from my fingers calmly with his free hand. “Not mine. Caroline threw this at me one of the last times she was here. Which was years ago, mind you. She said something like, ‘This is called a condom. It goes on your dick when you do this thing called sex.’ And then she launched it at my chest.”
His impression of Caroline’s high-pitched voice pulled a little giggle from me. “Oh, the poor thing. You left her entirely unsatisfied, Jo. Maybe you need to watch less porn and get more practice.”
I finally cleaned his finger, and he threw the old condom at his trash can.
“I like sex, Kai. I just don’t like people.” He lifted his eyebrows. “I’m hardly interested in getting close enough to someone to speak with them, let alone bare myself to them.”
I shook my head to ensure my brain was plugged into my body correctly. Was this really happening right now? Jonah had never spoken to me in such a way, and now suddenly he’d mentioned both porn and interest in sex in a matter of five minutes. Despite my surprise, I was curious to hear more about this hidden side of him. “You like sex, but you don’t have it. So…you suffer?”
“No. I’m perfectly comfortable with the way I am. I do just fine…by myself.” He dipped his head, silently encouraging me to extrapolate. “I’ll be glad when I find it, I’m just not in a rush. You know relationships have never been a huge part of my life.” He looked down at his nails, completely unbothered.I, on the other hand, was honestly kind of in awe of him. “You’re terrible at that.”
“You have ugly fingers anyway. This is an improvement.” Untrue. Jonah always had excellent hands, and my lack of fine motor skills was no match. “And that’s true that relationships have never been that important to you. I always envied that. That you could focus on so many things without getting sidetracked by flings.” Unlike myself, historically. Except for these last two years, during which I was admittedly hiding from them. Utterly disgusted by them.
“I guess that space in my brain is already filled with song lyrics and cynical musings.”
I reached for his other hand to match it to its messy counterpart. “Well, it’s not in your brain, Jo, it’s in your heart. Maybe that’s your problem.”
