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“You can come in.”
Dr. Skye was around Vivian’s age with a jaunty grey bob and eyes that glittered as though she was always on the verge of smiling. It was perhaps inappropriate for a therapist, Vivian thought for a second, but she couldn’t deny that Dr. Skye looked warm and empathic and perhaps her glittering eyes were one thing that helped people open up to her.
Vivian perched on the edge of the seat, her eyes flicking from Dr. Skye back down to the floor.
“So, Vivian, tell me what brought you here.”
“I… um. Well, I’m not doing so well.”
“Can you elaborate on that?”
Vivian didn’t want to spill her guts to a complete stranger, but wasn’t that why she was here?
“I left my girlfriend. It was a horrible mistake and I’m not coping particularly well with it.”
“What exactly do you mean by not coping?”
Vivian shrugged. “You know. Struggling to get out of bed. Struggling to focus on work. Crying a lot. Thinking about her constantly and berating myself for my behavior. I’m sure you’ve heard all this before from a dozen other patients.”
“It sounds like you don’t think much of yourself for struggling in the way you are.”
“No, I don’t—this is entirely my fault. I’ve made my bed, and now I have to lie in it.”
“Then why are you here?” Dr. Skye took fixed her glittering gaze on Vivian and raised her eyebrows in expectation of a response.
Dr. Skye had her there. “I guess that even if I know I deserve it, I’m not managing. Every day, getting out of bed and going about my daily life like everything is okay just feels like a huge weight on my chest. I don’t know how long I can keep doing this for.”
“I understand. That’s what I’m here to help with. Why did you leave your girlfriend?”
“Because I’m a fucking idiot, that’s why.”
“That’s not an answer, Vivian. That’s an evasion. Why did you leave her?”
Dr. Skye was clearly here to bust her ass. As was probably what she needed.
Vivian sighed, reminding herself that if she wasn’t going to be honest then she may as well not be here.
“She told me she loves me. I completely freaked out and ran.”
“Why did you freak out?”
“I was hesitant about getting into the relationship from the start. I never wanted to fall in love, but somehow, I did. She is just so lovely and kind and warm. And, well, so beautiful. She has the most beautiful smile. I’ve never really been in anything like this before. When she said I love you… well, it made me realize I feel the same, and that thought terrified me.”
“What scares you about it?”
“Love isn’t a controlled entity. If you can’t control it, then it can wreak havoc in your life, including your career. My business is important to me and I don’t want to mess it up.”
“Is it more important to you than your girlfriend?”
Vivian opened her mouth to say yes, but the word wouldn’t come out. It felt too much like a lie. “I don’t know. What I do know is that she deserves much, much better than someone who can never give her their whole heart. She has a daughter too who is incredible. Her wife died. She needs a lot. They both do. They both deserve the world and it terrifies me that I can’t even give my whole heart. I don’t know how to.”
“Do you think you can’t give your whole heart? Or are you just afraid to?” Dr. Skye wasn’t backing off.
“Afraid, I guess. But if I’m too afraid to do it, then isn’t that the same thing?”
“Fears can be overcome. That’s something we can work on here. Intimacy issues aren’t all that uncommon, and I feel confident that we’ll be able to improve on the issue if you choose to work on it.”
“So, you think I should work on my issues and then go back to her? See if she’ll take me back?”
