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“Tell me the problem so I can fix it,” he said sternly, but with a hint of vulnerability.
Joq blew out a breath. “You can’t fix it. You’ll always have more than me, be more than me.” He kicked off the covers and got up. “You’ll always have power over me.”
“That’s not fair,” Chris replied and Joq heard him apologising to Delia as he got up too. “And in case you haven’t noticed,” he went on as he trailed after Joq, “you’re the one with all the power here, bailing all the time.”
Joq scoffed. He put the kettle on and pulled down two mugs.
“You run and I chase,” Chris was standing in the kitchen and Joq looked down at his bare feet rolling on the tiles. He had really nice feet—slender with long toes, runner’s feet. Everything about him was nice, which was the problem; Joq could fall and fall for him and end up with another uncashed, insulting settlement payment for half a million dollars. Only this time, it’d probably be a million. He rubbed his face and sighed. How was this his life? How did he end up with these guys?
“You can have literally anyone else,” he said as the kettle pinged and he made their coffees. “A million guys would want this, but I just can’t do this again.”
“You keep saying again, did you date a billionaire before?”
Joq laughed, he couldn’t help it—Chris asked like that was a genuine question—were there that many young, hot gay billionaires out there in Melbourne?
“No,” he said as he got the oat milk out of the fridge. “I can’t do uneven again.”
“What’s so uneven about it? And also, I don’t want anyone else, I want you, so don’t give me this shit about how I can have anyone. That’s a useless point in this argument.”
Joq handed him his coffee.
“Thank you,” Chris said.
“This is not an argument,” he replied and grabbed his own coffee. “This is,” he waved his hand as he took a sip, “this is us downgrading.”
“What does that mean?”
Joq sipped. “It means, I’m not doing this.”
“You’re breaking up with me? Already?” Chris put his mug down. “Seriously?”
“We can still sleep together,” Joq replied. He felt oddly calm. Probably because he was adamant on this point—he wasn’t going to get fucked over by a power imbalance ever again. But a part of him didn’t want to let Chris go either. This felt like a good compromise.
“I,” Chris started, stopped, he dropped his gaze, “I have no fucking idea how to fix this,” he said on a breath. He sounded really cut up about it. Joq felt like shit for that, he really did, but what was he supposed to do here?
Joq was about to apologise when Chris straightened, face clearing. “I’m going to figure this out,” he said and picked up his coffee.
“There’s nothing to figure out,” Joq replied and sipped his coffee. “We can fuck around, but that’s as far as it goes.”
Chris’s face crumpled briefly, but then he smiled, young and sure of himself. “Do you like me?”
“I like fucking you,” Joq said.
“What about hanging out with me? Do you like my company?”
Joq narrowed his eyes. “Yes, that’s not the issue—”
“Then I’ll figure it out,” Chris repeated and drank his coffee.
“Don’t go selling all your shit or something insane.”
Chris almost choked, swallowed, and coughed around his laughter. “Okay, but there’s got to be a way.”
“You weren’t going to,” Joq rolled his eyes and placed his mug in the sink, headed for the shower.
“No, of course not,” Chris said and did the same, trailed after him, “I can’t do poor, but I can figure a way out of this.”
“Well, knock yourself out. In the meantime, if you want to get laid, I’m in, but not right now,” Joq pulled his shirt off, went into the bathroom and left the door open.
