AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I know,” she says. “We’ve got nothing to lose, right? We both know it’s likely to be Cam’s. At least this way we can put our minds at rest.”
I nod, then put my arm around her and pull her toward me. “It was supposed to be a relaxing weekend,” I tell her, kissing her temple. “I didn’t want you stressed out.”
“I’m okay, honey, really. I’m not getting my hopes up.”
But they’re just words, and she wouldn’t be human if she didn’t harbor a small amount of hope.
I do my best to fight it, though. I’m not going to give myself a second of hope that the baby could be mine. Even one second will mean feeling devastated when I find out it’s not, because I’d like so much for it to be the case.
It’s not, it’s not, it’s not, I tell myself like a mantra, all the way along the beach, and then all the way back. It’s not, it’s not, it’s not…
We’ve just settled down with a cup of tea in the living room when Saxon’s phone finally rings.
We all exchange a glance, and then he gets up and answers the phone as walks over to the window. “Hello?” he says. He listens for a bit. His back is to us, so I can’t see his face. “Yeah,” he says. “Right. Yep. Okay, thanks, see you Monday.” He hangs up. He waits a few seconds, then he turns to face us.
His expression is sad. “That was Jack,” he says softly. “Look, I have to point out that there is a very, very slim, 0.01 chance that it might be wrong…”
“Saxon,” I say gently, “it’s okay. I knew what the result was going to be.”
“…but there’s a 99.99 percent probability that you’re the father.” His eyes gleam. Then he gives me a mischievous smile.
“Saxon,” Catie scolds, and he grins.
Silence falls. I stare at him. Then I look at Catie. She gives me a happy smile.
Finally, I look at Juliette. She stares back at me, her eyes filling with tears.
I get to my feet. “No,” I say. “Nope. No. You’ve got it wrong.”
Saxon shakes his head. “It’s right, man. You’re going to be a daddy.”
“No.” Anger sweeps over me, hot and fierce. How dare he give me hope like this! “I tried for two years, and it never happened, not once!”
He shrugs. “I guess you were waiting for Juliette.”
“Don’t fucking make fun of me.”
Juliette stands and reaches out for my arm, but I rip it away from her.
“I’m not,” Saxon says, unperturbed. “I was serious. There’s more to conception than science, Henry. That’s definitely something I’ve learned from all this time working on IVF. I’ve seen couples who’ve given up get pregnant a month or two later. It happens more than you’d think. Stress is a huge factor in fertility. You weren’t trying to conceive with Juliette. You’ve loved her for a long time. And when you slept together, subconsciously you knew you were with the woman you’ve always wanted. And it just happened.”
I’m trembling now. “That’s all just New Age bullshit, and I don’t appreciate being patronized.”
He walks toward me and fixes me with a firm glare. “And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t talk to me as if I’m the fucking post boy. I happen to be a fertility expert. You’re not.” He claps me on the shoulder. “Come and have a whisky. You look like you need it.”
But I can’t stay there and look at him and Catie and Juliette all smiling as if this is some kind of miracle, as if Jack whatever-his-name-is isn’t going to call in five minutes and say he looked at the wrong results, or that he got his test tubes mixed up.
I turn and walk through the sliding doors, then stride away, across the road and down toward the beach. It’s not mine, I tell myself fiercely, my eyes burning. The tiny embryo growing inside her, the baby, it’s not mine. It’s not, it’s not, it’s not…
I stop on the edge of the sand. I can’t breathe. My eyes have blurred. Ah jeez… I sit down heavily and put my face in my hands.
It’s not mine… it can’t be…
I sob, years and years of pain and heartache finally pouring out of me. All those months of disappointment, of feeling like a failure, of feeling less than a man.
You’re going to be a daddy… Ahhh… it can’t be true…
Behind me, I feel a hand on my shoulder, and then Juliette falls to her knees behind me and loops her arms around my neck.
