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“It’s not.” I wipe the tears from my face, but fresh ones take their place. “Henry told me he doesn’t want to bring up another man’s child. I don’t want to stay with Cam. And if I keep the baby, I lose Henry.”
Her hand stops in the process of rubbing my back. “What are you saying? Are you thinking about an abortion?”
I look at my father. His expression is heavy with disapproval and sadness. “You would really consider terminating this pregnancy?” he says stiffly.
I study my hands. I like to think I’m a modern, independent woman, but the truth is that I was brought up to respect my elders, and even now I find it difficult to stand up to him.
“I’m ashamed of you,” he says. “Whatever was going on between you and Cam, you owe it to this baby to make it work between you.”
I knew he was going to say that, and I think perhaps I wanted to be challenged because I thought it would force me to realize it’s not what I want. But instead all I feel is guilt and shame, and it just makes more tears flow.
“He wants us to move to Australia,” I say, trying not to sob. “To be with his family. He doesn’t care about me being with mine.”
That makes him blanch.
“I don’t love him anymore, Dad. He makes me unhappy. Is that really what you want for me?”
He stares at me helplessly.
“Krish,” Mum says softly. “Give us a few minutes, okay?”
He gets to his feet and, without another word, leaves the room.
“There, there,” Mum says, giving me a hug. “Come on, you knew what he’d say. He’s very traditional, but he loves you and only wants the best for you.”
“I don’t know what to do,” I say, with little hiccups in between the words. “Gaby said if I terminate the pregnancy for Henry, I’m going to regret it, and I think she’s right. But I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to be a single mum. I don’t think I’m strong enough.”
“Well that’s rubbish,” Mum says briskly. “If you were to choose to have the baby on your own, we’d manage together. But have you spoken to Henry about it? He’s definitely said he’s not interested in being with you?”
I wipe the tears away again. “We haven’t really spoken at length. The thing is, he was married, and they were trying to have a baby for years, and eventually he found out he’s infertile. So we were talking about alternatives, and he said he wouldn’t want a sperm donor because he wouldn’t want to bring up another man’s child.”
“That’s a slightly different thing,” Mum says.
“But when I called him to tell him I was pregnant, and that Cam told me we should stay together for the baby’s sake, Henry got really upset and hung up on me.”
She frowns. “Well, that’s not really a surprise. If he knows you well, he would understand how you have strong principles. He would assume you wouldn’t leave Cam.”
I stare at her. I hadn’t thought of that. “That’s true.” The more I think about it, the more I question my understanding of the situation. Henry was shocked, but she’s right, he wouldn’t abandon me just because I was pregnant. It’s my fault for telling him the way I did, and I misinterpreted his reaction. Oh shit.
“We’ve brought you up to have a sense of duty and responsibility toward your family,” Mum says. “It was important to both of us. But we also want you to be happy.”
I rub my nose. “I know Dad likes Cam.”
“He made sure to like him because he’s your partner. But the truth is, he’s very disappointed that Cam hasn’t asked you to marry him.”
“Really?” I didn’t know that. “Cam says he doesn’t believe in it.”
“I know.”
I look at her with a weak smile. “Henry told me that Cam has no claim on me because he never asked me to marry him. And he said he wants to put a ring on my finger so everyone knows I’m his.”
Mum’s lips curve up a little. “And you really think he’s going to turn his back on you because you’re pregnant?”
I frown. “I don’t know. God, I’m in such a muddle. I keep telling myself that I need to concentrate on what’s best for the baby. And isn’t that staying with Cam?”
“What’s best for you is what’s best for the baby. Yes, of course, in an ideal world you’d stay with Cam and play happy families, but if being with him is only going to make you miserable, what’s the point in doing that? Surely it would be better for the baby if you’re with someone you love and trust?” She tips her head to the side. “You never answered my question.”
“Sorry?”
