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The mere thoughts of how things would have been different if I hadn’t had to go back to San Antonio as soon as I got better or if I had not been so gutless to give the love we shared a chance to blossom.
As I sit behind my desk, the tears swelling in my eyes, I stare at the secret door, and it feels like his heartbeat is audible enough beyond the physical and emotional walls standing between us.
When I try to call out to him, my inaudible voice bounces back from the emotional barrier created in my mind. These thoughts overwhelmed me and caused tears to finally erupt from my eyes.
I hold on to my desk as my body vibrates alongside my tears.
The buzz of my phone interrupts my grieving party as I rummage through my bag to find it.
The screen displays my brother’s name with a picture we took over three years ago as the background.
I wipe my tears and clear my throat before accepting the call so he doesn’t notice something is wrong.
“Hi, Lil’ Sis.”
“What’s up?” I respond sharply, which gives me away to an extent.
“Okay… Someone seems to be in a bad mood. You didn’t counter that I called you ‘Lil Sis,’ and that’s strange. What’s going on? Damien giving you a tough time at work?”
My heart skipped at the mention of his name, and the desire to end this call as soon as possible engulfed me.
“What’s going on, Kelvin? I’m sure you didn’t call me to gossip about your best friend.”
I’m met with a loud response of silence from his end for a few seconds until he breathes out heavily as if resigning to his defeat.
“Well, the judge needs our presence in his office on the day after tomorrow. She wants us to sign some documents in the presence of both lawyers so this whole issue can end.”
“The day after tomorrow? That’s so close. How can I make it to San Antonio before then?”
“I already booked a flight for you tomorrow night. It shouldn’t take so long. Once you’re done, you might have to wait for an extra week for the ruling to be granted. You’d be on the next flight back to Los Angeles after that. Unless, of course, you decide to stay back if you feel better.”
The thought of being away from Damien made my heart ache. We were not at our closest points, but being in different states with such great physical distance was a hard pill to swallow.
“I’d have to take permission to be absent from work for a week. Although I hope I don’t appear as abusing privilege when I make that request.”
“Nah, it shouldn’t be that difficult. I could speak to Damien if you need…”
“NO!” I scream at his suggestion before I can even control myself. “There’s no need to tell him. I’ll handle things myself. Just…don’t call him.”
“Alright, if you say so.”
“I have to run off now. Is there anything else I need to know?”
“Nothing major. Just take care of yourself. Be good.”
“Take care of yourself, too. My regards to Laurel.”
The call ends with the questions he didn’t ask hanging over my head.
I contemplate letting Jenny know first before Damien so that it doesn’t come off as him influencing my application for a break.
I walk to Jenny’s office, but it is empty when I arrive. She must have stepped out to grab something.
As I walk back to my office, I am filled with thoughts about approaching Damien with this news. That thing that made me develop cold feet towards what we shared was finally happening.
The court proceedings will be over soon, and I will be able to live in San Antonio again without the troubling thoughts of going through court proceedings again.
I try to focus on the work before me, but my mind drifts into different avenues.
