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“Oh, Lex, don’t cry, baby,” Rick inched closer. “I don’t want you to be upset with me.”
“You think I’m stupid. Ridiculous.”
“No, baby,” Rick said sweetly. “I’m… concerned because I don’t want the upper hand here. I don’t want some weird power dynamic.”
“Rick, I am telling you Iwantto have sex, but I need you to be patient with me—understanding.”
“I get that. And I would be. You can always tell me to stop. If it hurts, we stop. If something bothers you, we stop. That’s never in doubt. But I want you to feel some sort of agency.”
“Don’t men fantasise about this?”
“Some men. Not me,” Rick said. “It’s a kink I don’t get. I don’t prize virginity. I would much rather corrupt you as soon as possible because sex is fun. I’d love to fuck you, but I don’t want to feel like I am your everything.”
“What? Of course you are. You’re my bloody husband, Rick!”
He winced. “I just… you don’t feel like you’re going to miss out on something?”
“Do you?”
“I have experience, Lex. I do not doubt that we will have plenty of fun. I wouldn’t have committed to you if I had even a single doubt. Truth is, I’m a prick. I’m also a serial monogamist.”
I snickered. “You aren’t a prick.”
“I am, perhaps a reformed one?”
I looked up. He looked sweetly at me.
“I love you,” I said. “So much. And I want this. I’m also a bit frightened because… I have no idea what I am doing. And you might think I’m boring or disappointing?”
“Impossible! No. Right now, I am staring at you—mostly naked—and wishing I could devour you. You’re beautiful. I’ve been thinking that all day. And this? Fucking you? I’ve been thirsting for it since our engagement photos. Then behind the brook. Then in Lundhavn. And then last night? I couldn’t want you more!”
I blushed.
“What… you didn’t want it?”
“No, I did. I would have done it all with you before I found out your dirty little secret,” I grumbled. “I was going to do it. Then, I wanted to strangle you.”
Rick chuckled. “We had a lot of false starts.”
“Last night killed me. Yet another missed opportunity,” I groaned. “Even now.”
“It’s not. I was thoroughly enjoying you regardless of what happened,” Rick said. “Here’s an idea. Why don’t you get yourself off? I’ll watch.”
“What? Why would I do that?” I was bothered by his suggestion.
“Because I want you to show me so I can take care of you,” Rick said. “I want you to be comfortable. I want to please you.”
“But what good would that do? You won’t have fun.”
“I will have plenty of fun watching you,” Rick kissed my shoulder. “Trust me. I bet listening to you cum will make all the time I’ve spent in a tuxedo today worth it.”
Without my months of romance novel education, I wouldn't have understood what he meant. The word “masturbation” was banished from my daily life. I’d been told it would send me to hell. I didn’t buy any of that.
“I don’t… know how.”
“Have you never had an orgasm?” Rick sat up tall, shaking his head in disbelief.
“No,” I winced. “Look, I don’t think this will work.”
