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“I promise you I was on my best behaviour, Grand-Mama!” I insisted.
“Well, Margaux’s review of your behaviour was promising. She said you were a perfect guest and complimented all your manners. She asked when you would officially have your coming out. I am tempted to wait another year.”
“Another year?” I choked, spilling my coffee all over the skirt of my dress.
“Calm yourself. This is why you aren’t fit for public consumption!”
Tears welled. “I cannot do this anymore.”
“Do what? Drink coffee? I didn’t want you to if you remember. You said it would be good for you to drink coffee—to feel more adult.”
“I… I cannot be both chastised about my public persona and forced to attend engagements. I am ready to be out and about. I am ready to attend parties. This proves I am. Please, believe me.”
“You do not have a choice, young lady.”
Your Majesty. I was the Queen. She didn’t care I was a queen in my own right, not some sort of consort-turned-tyrant.
“Grand-Mama, I met many people there—lovely people. And Queen Margaux was keen to introduce me, but without your blessing could not in good conscience do so. I am ready to be out in society. I know my duty to marry and have children is pressing. I want to take the next step.”
The words rolled out of my mouth, my stomach turning. I was in no way excited at the prospect of having children. I wasn’t ready. Yet, if my choices were to have children and freedom or no freedom for the next few years, I knew which I would choose. Lord, to be able to ride a horse and eat pastries would make the sacrifice worth it. And, sad as it was, I knew Celeste fancied the idea of some man telling me what to do. The joke was on her because I’d never settle for that type of man.
This was my only card and playing it was difficult. I stood firm and put my neck out. I had only this domestic card to play. I was not powerless because I held all the cards. I was empowered. She didn’t expect it. I blindsided her. I worried Celeste might take it out on my sisters. I could take her wrath. She could hurt me, but not them. It killed me to see my baby sister, Ingrid, tortured at her hands. Ingrid was the same age I was when I became queen. I wanted her to have a better, happier childhood.
My grandmother thought for a moment. She crossed her arms and set her jaw. I knew my defiance perturbed her but I must play this hand. Emboldened by the sheer joy I experienced in my three-day-stint as a free girl, it was now or never.
“Well, if you think you are old enough, then it is time to get serious about it.”
Worry crossed my face.
“I cannot let you be out in society—not officially—until we can end the regency.”
“But youwon’tend it. I’ve begged for years, grandmother, and?—”
“And it was imprudent. I will end it under one condition.”
“Yes?” I was on the edge of my seat. I suspected a bait and switch, but what else did I have?
“You marry. Well, you get engaged with the intent to marry. I will end the regency right before your marriage—no funny business—after there is a point of no return where I am assured you will be properly invested and cared for. Should you become engaged, I will allow you to be out in society and grant you more freedom.”
I beamed. “Alright, if you feel it is best.”
“I would like to marry you off before you have time to fall for the tricks of men, end up sullied, and disappoint us all. I only want the best for you.”
I nodded, trying not to look too excited. I hated that she saw my virginity as such a selling point. Part of me loathed having to carry it around as if it meant something.
“Take it or leave it. I will find a suitable?—”
“You will find?”
“I arranged your father’s marriage. Did you not love your mother? Was she not good enough for you?”
Of course I loved Mamma! She was everything to us. She was the one who took care of us until her dying day. Unfortunately, when delivering baby Ingrid, she was taken from us. My father left us shortly after that—first mentally and then physically. It was too much for him. Celeste’s words cut like a knife.
“Mamma and Papa met through friends.”
“Untrue. Mamma and Papa met when I introduced them. They met at a royal wedding, but who do you think engineered your mother’s appearance? She was visiting from Denmark. She was young, beautiful, and a perfect choice for your father.”
She was. They loved one another endlessly.
