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She nodded a little. It wasn’t overwhelmingly positive.
“You are a sweet person, Alexandra. I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I don’t mind admitting that I’m lucky to be stuck in this with you. It would suck for it to be someone who made me miserable. You don’t. You make me smile. I enjoy being stuck with you. Didn’t expect that. Thank you for playing along and being such a good sport today.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Look, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings or gave off that impression.”
I tried to think about how to make it up to her.
“What do you want to do more than anything?” I asked.
“Just live, Rick.”
“Okay. Well, I am going to… I’m going to do something. Eat dinner. Prepare yourself for something. I’ll send word.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just trust me,” I said.
I was spitballing. Time to come up with another brilliant plan to make sure she didn’t think I was using her. Sadly, I was. She didn’t know it yet. I hoped she never would. I also didn’t want to abuse the privilege too much.
Fifteen
Alexandra
Rikandra Lives!
Exclusive! spent the weekend at the Gold Cup charity polo tournament in Neandia. We hoped to see more PDA between our royal favourites Prince Rikard and Queen Alexandra. Following some signs of interest between the two—lots of hand-holding and loving looks—we were treated to a royal reveal. In a surprise upset, Prince Rikard’s team beat the British-Norwegian conglomerate with a severe handicap going into the game. Their triumph inspired a kiss for the ages after the match. When presenting the trophy, the Prince kissed Neandia’s young monarch. If this isn’t an official couple, we’re surprised. Stay with us as we will wait on tenterhooks for an engagement announcement.
In bed with Asti that evening, I ignored anything Rick promised. I was cross with Rick, licking my wounds, and wanted to forget his stupid promises and stupid face. The problem was if I told her too much, she would say, “I told you so.” As such, I only communicated the frustration of him kissing me. I wasn’t giving in to him. He tried to redeem himself, but I was hurt. I wanted to believe that his kiss was more about wanting to kiss me than out of obligation.
As much as I denied my feelings, I had them. I didn't expect him to fall in love with me tomorrow. That was ridiculous! I needed him to say he found me attractive enough to kiss me. It was bigger than that. I was attractive. The more I dressed like a young woman instead of an elderly debutante, the more men looked at me. I owned this power. I felt more like the heroine in my own story and less like the wallpaper in the background. It thrilled me that people looked to me for style advice. They should not have, but that wasn’t the point.I was good enough for them. I refused to accept he felt nothing for me—not even a bit of attraction.
“I just… I wanted my first kiss to mean something. I didn’t think that much through. I wish it hadn’t surprised me,” I said. “It did.”
“How did we get this far without kissing boys?” Astrid asked. “That’s the real crime. You shouldn’t have your first kiss on a polo field at twenty-one. I shouldn’t still be un-kissed at twenty.”
“It’s all so screwed up,” I said. “It’s a damn mess, Asti.”
“Was it good? Did it feel nice?”
I blushed. “It was nice.”
“Lucky! I hate you. Honestly, I know he’s an asshole but if I had a free pass to do whatever with a handsome guy, I’d throw caution to the wind.”
“Astrid! That’s not how this works! And you are the one who believed he was up to no good.”
“Look, I want to be kissed, okay? I am sure it’s fun. I could make it work.”
“It caught me by surprise,” I said. “I wanted it to be with someone I loved. That’s all.”
The truth? The kiss was better than good. It made my entire body tingle and my pulse race. I was desperate to do it again. I kissed hi m back, wanting more. I wasn’t ready to admit that to anyone, but it had been more than nice. I wanted to bask in it. I wanted my heart to continue fluttering. I wish he would have lied to me. I wanted him to want me—desperately. I never expected it, but I felt it.
Marta entered with a knock, holding a note, “A footman handed this off.”
The scrawl was a mess compared to my nice handwriting.
Meet me in the ballroom at 22:30. Don’t get caught.
