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“Babies are wonderful creatures.”
“Not for me,” Astrid shook her head.
I cocked my head. “Not ever?”
“Maybe. I dunno. I must find a guy first. Or, at least, I must give one a chance.”
“Oh? Am I missing something?”
Astrid looked at Linnea and back at me. “Um, I’ve been talking to that Tim guy. I went to see Riot Elephant again.”
“Oh, did you?”
“I am thinking about moving to the UK—not for him. For school. I have a lead on a place to stay. Some other nepobabies like us have a house in Shalestone and… well, I’d be closer to London. It sounds amazing by all rights.”
“So I learned when I was there,” I admitted. “London is a lovely city.”
“I only feel bad leaving because… the baby.”
“Well, you wouldn’t be leaving immediately?—”
“In a couple months. I applied and got into Shalebrook,” Astrid said. “To their politics MSc. I… I don’t know. I’d be leaving you and the baby.”
Her words wounded me. I tried not to show it. Deep down, this is what I always suspected. She could leave. Sheshouldleave. I’d always said I wanted that for the girls. Now, it stared me in the face. As she held Linny, emotions rushed over me. Tears welled, then rolled, and I couldn’t hold back.
“Oh, Alex, no,” Astrid said. “Well, that sorts it. I won’t go?—”
I shook my head. “You must go! I didn’t do all of this for us for you to suffer here. I mean, don’t go chasing after the frontman of a mediocre band.”
She laughed. “Okay, they aren’t the best, but they’re alright.”
“Don’t do it. But go, get an education. You are the clever one. You should go to Shalebrook and debate and live your dreams, sister. Astrid, I love you. Yes, it hurts to think of a day when I won’t have you right here. Yes, I am sure we will miss you like mad. And yes you will miss some things with Linnea, but… she is going to need an aunt who is ready to take over the world someday. And without Celeste around, the sky’s the limit!”
Astrid was in tears. “I can’t promise that, Alex.”
“Well, you stand a better chance if you go, right?”
She shrugged and put her finger back in Linnea’s hand.
“She’s beautiful, Alex.”
“She is. You’ll have to soak up as much time with her as you can now. I will allow you to be the most selfish of all of them. But I want you to go.”
“Really?”
“Rick and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Okay. But… you are sure?—”
“I insist. It’s complicated, but you must!”
“It’s hard to remind myself I can go and do things. Impossible sometimes!”
I related. Celeste was gone for many months now. Things were better. Even her courtiers changed their tune to keep their jobs. They turned on her in the end. She hadn’t yet met the baby. I was still prickly about that. Even without her here, the shadow loomed large, but we had freedom.
“I get it,” I agreed. “Asti, you are the future. I am here. I must stay and be a mother. I must be queen and lead from here. But you? You were always meant to be brave and spread your wings. If you stay here, you’ll be bored and miserable. Go! I want you to be wild and set an example for the little girls. I want them to know they can be anything.”
“You sound like a mother,” Asti said.
