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Dalton makes me feel happy. For the first time in forever, he makes me feel so alive. Those are good things. I won’t waste my breath denying that I have a thing for him, at least I won’t lie to myself about that. I do. I really like him, and I enjoyed what we shared last night.
But it’s just for fun, right? He’s just as emotionally unavailable as I am. He struggled last night, burdened with the memories of his ex cheating on him. He’s not over that pain or loss, and it’s not fair for him to try something with me—or anyone—when he’s not ready.
Plus, I’ve got no business starting up anything when I’m still a mess. I’m getting better at coping, but underneath it all, I’m still reeling with the sudden shattering of my future. The loss of my job hurts, and I have no right to lead a man into thinking I’m prepared to focus on him when I need to concentrate on fixing my life first.
Besides, where could this go? I’m pragmatic to a fault. Dalton’s life is in New York, whereas right now, mine is so up in the air I don’t know what’s up or down.
I can pinpoint the reason why I guard myself. It’s crystal clear. And it’s always been the same reason why I don’t let many people get close to me. After losing my parents the way I did, I’m jaded and cautious to ever form connections and let love into my life, because in a blink of an eye, they can be taken from me.
The men I’ve slept with have always been flings. One-time things, and so few of them that I can count them on one hand. Dalton is sneaking under my guard though, and if he’s not a fling, I have to consider the chance of letting him matter.
My phone rings, pulling me from my thoughts, and I’m glad for the call. I see that it’s Lauren, and I’m so happy to hear from her. She’s the sister I never had, and I sure need some sisterly comfort—even though I won’t tell her I slept with Dalton. If I can’t face it properly, I shouldn’t be sharing that news.
“Are you all right?” she asks after I answer. “I’m so worried about you.”
I furrow my brow. Because you left me with Dalton?
“Because of the storm,” she finishes.
“Oh.” I yawn. “It wasn’t so bad.”
“Really?”
I nod, knowing she can’t see it. I take comfort in the gesture anyway, wanting to believe it myself. “It’ll be fine.”
Am I talking about the property? Or me? And Dalton?
The man walks by right then. I hadn’t closed my bedroom door, needing to air out the steam from the bathroom. He slows long enough to make eye contact, but I can’t read the emotion behind his gaze. Then he walks away just as suddenly as he appeared.
I chat with Lauren for a while, and when I’ve finally reassured her that the property will be all right with some more cleanup and replanting, we disconnect. My stomach is grumbling, and I almost laugh at the fact that I skipped lunch, so busy with the storm cleanup.
If Marian was here, I would be led to the kitchen like a trained dog for mealtimes. I trudge down there, wondering if the food in the fridge will need to be tossed.
Probably.
I find Dalton there. He’s leaning against the counter, just finished with another PB&J by the looks of it. He turns, flinching a little when he notices me.
“I’m sorry.”
I still, glancing at him before I get a glass for water. “Huh?” That’s the last remark I expected from him.
“I’m sorry,” he repeats.
I shrug. “What are you sorry for?” Please don’t tell me you wish we never had sex. That would hurt too much.
He doesn’t explain or answer me. Instead, he just walks away, leaving me there to stew on his paltry apology.
His departure stings. Even though I’m the one who’s mired in confusion and conflicted about what’s happening between us, it hurts my heart to consider the chance he regrets ever giving in to me the way we have.
Chapter 17
Dalton
When I saw how mad Aubrey was about the remark I made, I said I was sorry, but I couldn’t own up to why. I was out of line, teasing her for the way she was reacting to us having sex. We acted on our attraction, and it annoyed me that she would be so out of sorts about it that she’d give me an icy and aloof silent treatment. I didn’t deserve it.
I wasn’t sure what to do next or how to view her, but I felt like she owed me something more than a cold shoulder. Her distance irks me, and when I get a call from Caleb with his report that he and Lauren won’t be back with Marian until the next morning, I cringe at the idea of being alone with a testy Aubrey all that much longer. Road closures prevent my friend from returning straight away, and it peeves me more than it might have otherwise.
I’m not in the mood to talk to her even though I realize my attempt at saying sorry fell flat. I do that often with her. I blurt things out too quickly, I don’t censor my honesty, or I fail to express myself well enough. She has me twisted in knots. Kissing her made me feel something I’ve never experienced before. Something that felt a lot like kismet, like fate. Sleeping with her was something else entirely. I’ve been intimate with more than several women, but I’ve never felt this insatiable yearning like I do for Aubrey.
