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“SHIT!” A loud scream, a very loud scream, reverberated around the bedroom. I jolted awake and nearly hit Bri as she tried to untangle herself from me and the sheets.
With a curse, I tugged the sheet and accidentally fell backward; she came tumbling with me, landing on top of me in a pile of blankets after the loudest thud known to mankind also decided to bounce off the walls. “Ow.”
She winced. “Sorry, but you were the one pulling the blankets.”
“You were the one panicking!”
“Listen…” Oh, that was a problem, a morning problem, a problem that was getting worse the more she struggled against me. “Listen, could you just not touch me right now?”
It was painful on an extreme DEFCON one level.
She snorted. “That would be a first, you asking me not to touch you.”
My jaw dropped. “Please, I never had to beg you, you were always on your knees begging me and by the look on your face and the words coming out of my mouth, I realize you are fully within your rights to slap both me and my dick, right now. I’ll wait. And not in a nice way, shit what the hell is wrong with me, actually can you wait on the dick slapping? It would hurt too bad right now.”
If looks could kill. Forget the stapler as weapon of choice, I choose her green eyes. Do girls practice that look in the mirror?
Goosebumps erupted down my arms like a bad rash, I wasn’t sure if I was even more turned on or if it was fear speaking from the man downstairs sweating bullets he was about to meet Jesus.
“We. Are. Late.” She gets off of me, completely ignoring our conversation, Thank God. I start to get up when her foot comes dangerously close to my dick, only to move upward and push my chest back so I’m pinned to the ground.
“Have you always been this violent or did you just hone your skills over time while yelling at elementary school children and putting cats up in trees rather than rescuing them from the branches? I have questions.”
“Get dressed!” She tripped, pulling the blanket from my lap. When she looked over her shoulder, all I could do was just stare along with her.
“I know.” That’s all I had. I know. Apparently I can’t control my mouth or my body around her, I just reacted in real time like a lunatic still in love with the devil and wishing she would have kept my soul.
She shook her head. “Just hurry!”
“Fine.” I grumbled and got to my feet. I heard the shower turn on and groaned into my hands, please God let there be a separate area to piss.
At that point, I didn’t really care.
I stumbled into the open bathroom and walked over to the toilet, ignoring the glass shower and all the steam.
She was naked in there.
You know, because people didn’t take showers with clothes on. Idiot. Surely, we would lose this day because after the bomb she dropped on me last night, waking up with her pretzeled with my legs, and then having an erection from Earth to Mars… well, things weren’t looking up. I mean, the dick was definitely looking up like there was something to see or touch, or just… explore.
“Please, no.” I looked down and stared at the toilet. I wasn’t confident enough in my headstand abilities, considering I almost ran into the wall twice on my journey to the toilet.
Maybe I could just tip it down.
Sometimes that worked.
I leaned against the wall. I had to piss so badly.
“Monkeys!” Bri shouted. “Sharks!” Was she trying to scare me? “Oh, oh, Oh,” she shouted louder. “Remember that time during dinner when your cousin took out his retainer, and he had that giant spit string attached to it but just kept talking so we texted under the table and took bets on how long it would last, and I won.”
I burst out laughing. “You guessed two minutes!”
“It was strong spit!” She laughed. “Better now?”
I looked down.
Huh. My cousin’s spit, who knew, ah damn.
And now, now I would never have sex again, ever again, I’d be soft for the rest of my days and I would look back on this moment and go, you know why, you know why!
