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“—you owe me.”
“Low blow.”
He shrugged. “I’m kind of done playing fair with you, Bri.”
Rip the Band-Aid off, just rip it. Shuddering, I tried to pull away from him, but he braced me with his arm and pulled me back into his arms. A tear escaped and rolled down my cheek. “I um, miscarried. We were pregnant with twins.”
He dropped his arm, his skin turned a pale color that even the moonlight couldn’t match. “Twins? Pregnant?”
“Don’t, just let me tell you before I lose the nerve, you can hate me when I’m done, okay?”
“I won’t—“
“—Please?”
His silent nod was like waving a starting flag in front of a race car and dropping it.
I didn’t even know where to begin, so I started at the beginning with our conversation about having kids, and that I found out right after only to miscarry weeks later when I was going to tell him. I confessed all of it, down to the fact that he’d said it was good we weren’t pregnant since we were so young.
“…And then.” I finished. “I saw you with your assistant, I got insecure. I felt like I’d failed you in so many ways, and part of that was how we met, you know? I was already so weak, and you were so strong, always there, and I was just… baggage to myself, to others, and I just couldn’t do it anymore. It hurt to see you smile, and I didn’t want to take that away, so I took the coward walk out of your life.” I forced myself to look at him, his eyes had tears pooling I them. “I went to therapy though, finally. It helped, and I learned a lot about myself, but by then, I’d deleted your number, I couldn’t find you on social media and I just… realized I’d lost the most important thing to me, and I stupidly lost him on purpose.” I cleared my throat in a vain attempt to get rid of the lump there, but it was no use. “It’s okay to hate me. I’m still working on it too, so if I seem abrasive, it’s because it’s so much easier to lash out at the ones closest to you. It’s no excuse, but… I’m sorry.”
He swallowed, then exhaled a shaky breath. “I’m sorry too. I’m sorry you went through that on your own. I’m glad you went to therapy, but I wish you would have confided in me. Trusted me.”
“I couldn’t even trust myself, trusting someone else seemed like climbing Mount Everest, Ace.”
“I can’t say I understand.” He flipped onto his back. “But I appreciate you finally letting me know, maybe I can finally get closure and stop comparing you to every single woman I meet. It would be nice, you know.” He turned his head. “Maybe I can move on now, just like you did.”
I swear the silence was loud. So loud that it was unbearable.
“Yeah.” I started shaking. “Yeah, that’s… good.”
“You should sleep.” He reached for me, then pulled his hand back. “I’m assuming we’ll need it for whatever hell Max puts us through tomorrow.
Tomorrow was nothing compared to the moment we just had.
If he threw me into shark-infested waters, I’d grab a floaty and a cocktail and treat it as a vacation.
“Okay.” I turned back on my side and I stared at the wall wondering how I was going to find any sort of sleep knowing that I just broke his heart again by telling him the truth, and knowing he just broke mine by admitting he was moving on.
What did I expect? Him to confess his feelings? Love? A hug? A kiss?
That happened in the movies, in books—but things like that weren’t reality.
I squeezed my eyes shut as one more tear escaped and then tried to sleep.
Chapter Nine
Ace
I woke up to familiar warmth and in the hour since I’d checked on her and crashed again, she’d somehow managed to scoot herself across the bed, toss her legs on top of mine and press her forehead against my chest.
It was how she always used to sleep.
She had zero boundaries and most nights I thought I was going to sweat to death but liked her touch so much that I figured if that was how I was going to go out it would be worth it.
She breathed heavily against my chest, it tickled, and it let me forget reality for just one minute.
I tightened my arms around her a little more and suddenly my eyes were drooping again while she clung to me.
