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“Old wounds?” I ask, trying to be subtle.
Luke lifts his shoulders. “I mean…just the fact that Wyatt thought he was going to have a baby with Robyn, and it blew up in his face.”
My lips part as Luke reveals a hell of a lot more to the story than Wyatt ever did. She was pregnant? My mind races with this new information. Apparently, we’ve both been editing our backstories. I schoolmy response to be casual so I don’t give myself away. “That had to be hard on him.”
“No shit, especially because she told him it was his and gave no inkling that anyone else was even in the picture. It wasn’t until I told him that the baby could be mine, too, that we realized how much she was playing all of us…even Calder.”
My mind whirs as I picture a young twentysomething Wyatt finding out from his brother that the baby might be his. It’s heartbreaking.
“Whatever happened with the baby?” I ask as an odd ringing in my ears begins. “Wyatt never said.”
“Lives with its dad, I suspect.” Luke shrugs casually. “Thank God we asked for a paternity test. That’s when we found out that she was still married. Had a whole-ass family back in Colorado Springs that she abandoned. She must have found out she was pregnant a month or so after arriving in Jamestown but never said a word. I don’t like to hate many people, but I will hate that woman until the day I die. Wyatt was especially devastated by it all. He always wanted to be a dad, even back then. He would have married Robyn and tried to make a go of it, which is why I think she chose him instead of me or Calder. He was a safe bet to her.”
A peculiar feeling of jealousy slices through me. It was one thing to find out that Wyatt was in love with her and she broke his heart. It’s another to find out they almost had a baby together and he might have married her. It makes whatever the hell we have feel less significant somehow.
Robyn isn’t just the one who got away…
She’s the family he probably always wanted.
A sick sensation roils through me as my mouth goes dry, and I picture Wyatt as a father with another woman. What if he meets someone after this baby? What if she becomes the mother to this baby inside me? My heart starts racing, my body having a physical reaction to the idea of this baby having another mother. Probably a mother who knows how to stick around and actually take care of it. A woman who isn’t screwed up in the head like me.
Luke starts calling out to Butterscotch as the ringing in my earsshifts to a buzzing sound. I try to focus on the calf as she makes her way over to us, but it’s difficult because little stars start poking in on my vision. I blink my eyes to focus on the Highland cow when a sudden warmth rushes up my neck and into my face.
“Trista, are you okay? You don’t look so good,” Luke says, and I can see his face, but I have to squint to focus on him as black creeps in around the edges like a lens closing. I nod and try to say something, but no words come out, and the last thing I see is Luke lunging for me.
The sound of a galloping horse fills the room as I close my eyes, fighting back tears as my heart tries to explode out of my chest.
“Calm down, Mom. Your heart rate is going a mile a minute,” the ER nurse says, touching my shoulder in a comforting way. “Everything is sounding good in there.”
The wordMomstings coming from her lips, but I don’t fault the woman for it. She has no idea who I am or that the baby I’m carrying will never call me Mama. The OB-GYN clinic has that information readily available, but this triage nurse doesn’t have a clue.
Luke clears his throat from beside me. “Is that the baby’s heart rate or hers?”
The nurse moves the Doppler microphone around my small, swollen belly and smiles. “That’s all baby right there, but Mama here is apparently trying to race with it. Do you guys know the gender yet?”
Luke looks bashful and rubs the back of his neck. “I’m not the father.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I just assumed.”
I chew my lip nervously as I stare at the monitor wrapped around my belly to check for contractions. “Will we get an ultrasound to see the baby too? Make sure I didn’t hurt anything in there? I’d really love an ultrasound.”
“The doctor will decide that, but based on your blood pressure, I’m guessing this was just a run-of-the-mill fainting spell. When was the last time you ate?”
I wince at that question because it’s nearing four o’clock, and Istill haven’t eaten today. I just…wasn’t hungry. My mood has been in the dumps for the past week, and every time I have depressive episodes, food is the last thing I want to touch. I’ve never fainted from it before, though. I’ve also never had a baby inside me depending on me for nourishment. How could I be so irresponsible?
“No need to stress,” the nurse says, rubbing my arm affectionately. “The doctor will be in soon to examine you, and we’ll get all our questions answered.”
Thirty minutes later, the ER doctor gives me a laundry list of reasons I could have fainted, ranging from low blood sugar to low blood pressure, hormone changes, and possible anemia. He orders some blood work to double-check things but doesn’t feel the need to order an ultrasound. Relief washes over me as he says his goodbyes, and when he opens the door to walk out, a familiar voice roars down the hallway.
“Where the fuck is she?” Wyatt thunders, and goose bumps erupt all over my skin.
My wide eyes shoot to Luke. “Did you call Wyatt?”
“Fuck yes, I did. You were unconscious for most of the drive into Boulder. I was losing my shit.” Luke runs a trembling hand through his shaggy hair, and it’s only then I realize how terrified he looks. I was so focused on the baby that I didn’t even notice how he handled all of this.
“Luke, I’m so sorry—”
The door to my exam room swings open, cutting me off, and I look over to find Wyatt’s terrified expression as he sees me lying in bed in a hospital gown, hooked up to an IV and a monitor around my belly that watches for contractions that I thankfully have had none of. But the haunted look in Wyatt’s eyes…definitely causes a squeeze inside me somewhere.
