AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I didn’t want to tell you how pathetic my life was…is…because this is just sex. I didn’t want to tell you that I never left my parents’ shitty apartment for fourteen fucking years because a sick part of me hoped they would come back! But now you’re forcing me to lay it all out here. You’re forcing me to remind you that I am giving up a baby from my body for money at the end of all of this because of how much I struggle. I’m more like my shitty parents than I ever realized. And you’re weaponizing my greatest weaknesses against me by offering me this apartment.”
“That’s not what I was trying to do.”
“What were you trying to do, then?” I snap, my hands trembling at my sides as my chest aches with the pain of that offer. “You didn’t tell me you had feelings for me then. You just offered me the one thing you know I value more than anything because of my animals.”
“Then I take it back!” he thunders, his neck veins bulging angrily. Desperately. “I take it all back. Let’s just go back to how we were because nothing you’ve just shared with me changes how I feel about you.” His voice cracks as he steps into me, the warmth of him like a drug I would do anything to take a hit of again. “I’d want you even without this baby.”
“Well, I don’t want you because of this baby.” The words spill out of my mouth, and I fight the urge to hold my stomach. To apologize to the baby inside me. To the thing that forces me every single day to remind myself that I am a mere cow. An animal. An incubator of stolen goods. This baby isn’t mine. It’s his. It’s always been his, and the reason I probably haven’t felt it kick yet isn’t because of the location of my stupid placenta. It’s because I don’t deserve that experience the same way my parents never deserved to have children of their own. I am not worthy of this baby.
“You’re fucking lying,” Wyatt grinds, his voice aching in a way thatsounds almost inhuman. Like the cry a dog makes when it gets hit by a car. “Why can’t you just admit that you want more?”
Because I can’t have more.
Because I’m a cow.
I’m a cow.
I’m a cow.
“Wyatt.” I close my eyes and feel the burn of hot tears threaten to slide down my face. I take a slow, deep breath before speaking because I know if I open my mouth too soon, I will cry. And I hate myself for that too. When I’ve regained control, I say the words that will hopefully end this conversation for good. “This is just a job for me.”
WeeksPregnant:22
AnimalsontheMountain:10
“What the hell is that?” Luke asks, appearing from the other side of the livestock trailer just as Avery pulls away.
I wave Avery off before offering a weak smile to Luke. “That is a miniature Highland cow.”
“Like from Scotland?” Luke asks as he stands beside me and rests his arms on the pasture fence. It’s always jarring to me how similar the mannerisms are between the brothers. They all look so different, but they have the same sort of swagger.
“Historically from Scotland, yes,” I reply, squinting out at the auburn-colored heifer, who’s licking her pink nose while Millie sniffs her butt and Reginald roots at something in the ground, completely uninterested. Handsome has already dragged his flaccid tongue all along the new cow’s side, making for a very up-close-and-personal introduction. The sight of the four of them out there lightens my sullen mood. Animals are so much easier than people. I know what to expect from them, even with their weird, floppy tongues and affection for butt sniffing. “This particular calf came from Breckenridge. Many of these people who buy acreages and want to start hobby farms don’t always understand the work that goes into caring for them. She wassurrendered to a rescue center, and Avery thought she could live up here for a while. Her name is Butterscotch.”
Luke’s brows lift. “Does Wyatt know yet?”
Just the mention of his name causes my chest to squeeze, so I do my best to steel my expression as I shake my head.
Luke laughs. “Well, maybe this calf will improve his shitty mood. I think he actually likes these critters you got filling up his barn.”
My brows furrow at that. “Has Wyatt been grumpier than usual recently?” I chance a glance over at Luke, trying not to look overly interested.
“Oh yes.” Luke blows out a breath and turns to face me. “I don’t know what his deal is, but he’s been a bear at work all damn week. Barking orders, demanding we stay late to get caught up. He hasn’t acted like this in years…not since…” He stops talking and shakes his head.
“Not since what?” I urge, hating myself for still caring.
Luke’s lips form a thin line as his expression hardens. “She’s ancient history.”
“Are you talking about Robyn?” My hands grip the fence nervously in front of me.
Luke turns to gape at me. “You know about Robyn?”
I shrug. “It came up once.”
“Robyn came up?” Luke asks, clearly not convinced. “Wyatt actually told you about her? About…all of us?”
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, it’s fine,” Luke says, reaching out to touch my arm. “I’m just shocked. He doesn’t talk about her…ever. None of us do, really, but Wyatt especially never talks about her. But I suppose with the baby coming, it brings up old wounds, maybe.”
