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Arousal, I realize, is beautiful. It’s not something dirty to be ashamed of, as Remira drilled into me time and again. It’s not something to push down deep, to ignore, as I did so many nights under Remira’s roof, too afraid and traumatized to even try to find release for myself. To get to know my own body.
I’m done being that little girl. I’m a woman now. A woman with needs.
And I want to explore my body. I want to learn myself. I want to know what it feels like to shatter.
Pushing from the counter, I flick off the light as I move to the nightstand. I light the small candle that claims to smell of a rainforest, matching my shampoo, and with shaking hands, I pull the vibrator from the drawer.
Looking at the tool, I can’t imagine how it’s going to work. It’s odd looking, but with the number of reviews, and the fact it doesn’t go inside—I’ve never put anything in there before and I’m not sure I’m ready to inflict that on myself—I went for a clitoral toy. Still, it looks weird.
I press the button and flinch at the louder than expected hum, instantly turning it off.
Blood rushes straight to my core as the thundering roar of my heart echoes in my ear. Is it really that loud, or am I oversensitive?
I press the button again and yep—it’s that loud.
Leaving the hum, I sit still on the edge of the bed, naked, listening.
Hearing nothing of concern, I scoot back on the bed. Laying against the pillows, I spread my legs and slide the vibrator between my legs. I frown, because it feels—not as amazing as the reviews claim.
I spread my legs wider, moving the vibrator deeper between my pussy lips and oh, holy God.
I cry out as the suction finds my clit, back arching off the bed as I pull it away, breathing hard.
I stare in shock at the little toy that packs a serious punch. Then, I smile.
Moving the toy back to that spot between my legs that now throbs exquisitely painfully, I bite down on my lip as I fight the need to moan.
And I explore.
twenty-two
Tav
I see Ian to the door not long after Olympia excuses herself to bed. In the kitchen, I hunt for a bottle of Tylenol, worried she has a fever and not wanting it to get worse. I’d gone to check on her shortly after she dismissed herself, but after hearing the shower through the closed door of her bedroom, I left her to it. After saying goodbye to Ian, I again stopped by her bedroom door, but with no light creeping from under the door, I figured she was already asleep.
I plan to leave the Tylenol and bottle of water on her nightstand. I’ll touch her forehead to make sure she isn’t burning up, before leaving her to rest. If she is burning up, I’ll wake her to take the medicine.
It's as I’m entering the hall that I hear the first little moan.
I can see there’s no light from below her door, and at another throaty sound, I think she must really be sick. Maybe she’s in the throes of a delusional fever. I think about calling Candace, knowing she’ll be off soon, as my steps quicken.
I don’t think as I push her door open, and at the sight of her naked body draped in candlelight, I freeze. All the blood in my body instantly rushes to my dick. I think I forget to breathe as her blue eyes widen, and she pulls the toy from her between her legs. I glare at it, jealous for the first time in my life of an object.
With the Tylenol and water in one hand, I lean casually against the door. I’m not fucking casual though. Anything but.
My voice comes out rough, “Don’t stop on my account, Princess.”
Her body flushes a bright red as her legs snap closed and her hands shoot up to cover her breasts. The toy is still humming on the blanket beside her.
“Tav,” she croaks my name, and if it doesn’t have another hot gush of blood traveling south. Fuuuck.
She’s exquisite.
But she’s not telling me to screw off, so I step into the room. Saying nothing, I move to the nightstand where I set the Tylenol and water.
Her eyes squeeze closed after they lock on my offering, and her flush deepens. Unsteady breath rattles over her lips and her body starts to tremble. Anxiety. Fear.
I recognize the tremble as the same I’d experienced in the bathroom after feeling that scar on her ass. It won’t be long before she disconnects from me mentally, slamming a shield between us to protect herself—from me.
