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“So, you know what’s goin’ on with Paige. How she can’t have kids. You know I’ve always wanted to be a dad and have kids of my own. Yes, I know we can still make that happen. We can adopt, foster kids, and she can use the eggs they froze with a surrogate. I always thought that when I became a dad, I’d get to watch my woman grow round with our baby. That I’d be able to touch her stomach and feel our child where it rests inside her body. Instead, we might have some other woman carryin’ our baby and I won’t feel right touchin’ her like I would with Paige,” I tell my dad as I lean my head in my hands and look at him.
“I get where you’re comin’ from, Chance. I don’t think I’d be comfortable touchin’ another woman like that either. That doesn’t mean you won’t be able to experience watchin’ her grow round with your children though. And you’ll still get to experience everythin’ with Paige. The two of you together will work with a surrogate and get to be involved in the pregnancy. Go to the doctor’s appointments, see her progress through the pregnancy, and then be there for the birth. She might not be comfortable with you bein’ in the delivery room, but it doesn’t mean you won’t be in there right after the baby is born,” my dad says telling me he knew I’d be coming to talk to him about this.
“Yeah, maybe. I guess I just need to think about things more. Because I want to have a baby now. I don’t want to wait but I’m not sure how to bring it up to Paige. I don’t know if she wants to wait until she’s worked with Valerie some more or if she’s ready now to be a mom,” I state, looking around the yard.
“Talk to her and put some plans in place. It’s gonna take some time to find a surrogate and then go through the entire process of gettin’ ready to implant the embryos. Yes, I’ve looked everythin’ up. I did just after Paige told me what was goin’ on with her. It’s gonna take a while before everythin’ is in place and ready to go. So, even if you’re both ready now, just be patient and be there for one another. You’re gonna have to do your part too, Chance,” my dad says with a smirk on his face.
He doesn’t even have to tell me anymore. I already know what he’s talking about. I’ve been researching a little bit over the last week about what’s involved with using a surrogate. For a while, we sit in silence together and just think about what’s going to happen moving forward. I let myself think of building a family with Paige and what our kids will look like. It’s something I’ve thought about a million times over the last year or so. I want little boys who take after me and daughters who look just like their mama.
“Let’s head back inside to wait for the women. Just know we’re all here for you and there’s nothin’ we won’t do to help you both through this. Even if it’s just sittin’ with the two of you and goin’ through the files of possible surrogates. Or just sittin’ in silence when you don’t want to talk about anythin’. Your mom and I will be here right along with your brothers, Lyric, and the rest of the Wild Kings. We’re all family and neither one of you are goin’ through this alone,” my dad says, standing from the table and pulling me into a hug.
I hug my dad back before we make our way back into the clubhouse. The girls still aren’t back yet, so I take a seat at the table with my mom and brothers. Hawkeye is quiet and withdrawn. I’ve been so consumed with everything Paige that I don’t know what the hell is going on with him. Though I bet I can take a guess what it involves. Tara. My brother wants her and won’t do anything about it. The stubborn asshole doesn’t know what’s standing right in front of him.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Paige
I’M SO FUCKING nervous to be alone with my sister and have the conversation that’s long overdue. I need to get out everything I have to say to her before she says anything in response though. If I don’t get it out, I’ll lose my nerve and will chicken out as I’ve done countless times in the past. My relationship with Lyric is too fucking important not to be able to talk to her like we used to and know that we can fix what’s going wrong. What I’ve damaged and broken beyond belief. So, I sit on the bed next to my sister and turn to face her.
“Lyric, I’m so sorry. I never once meant to push you away or hurt you the way I did with my words. Telling you that I wasn’t excited for the babies you’re having and that I couldn’t be here for you and them. There’s nothing I want more than to be here for you during your pregnancy. I did leave as you know from the letter Tara gave you. I thought by leaving you all here, I’d make the situation better because I wouldn’t be around you all. Instead, Tank found me and made me realize what you’ve been trying to tell me for years. That I need to deal with the fact that I can’t have kids in the traditional way. It doesn’t mean I can’t be happy for you and be the best auntie in the world.
“I don’t know if you’ve been told, but I’m seeing a counselor. We meet every single day. She’s the best. It’s so easy to talk to her and she makes me feel safe and comfortable when she’s helping me work through shit. I mean, she helps me, but I’m basically doing the work and she just kind of guides me. Valerie is her name and I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her. So, I want to tell you that I’m sorry for everything and I understand if you can’t accept that and don’t want me in your life or around your kids after everything. It’s no less than I deserve for being so damn horrible. At the end of the day, just know I’m here and I’m working on becoming the best version of myself that I can be,” I tell my sister as tears slide down my face and I wait to see if she has anything to say in response.
For the longest time, Lyric doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t even look in my direction. We sit on the bed she shares with Kevlar and the room is completely silent. When I can’t take it anymore, I stand from the bed and look down at my baby sister.
“I’ll give you some time to think over everything. You know how to get a hold of me if you ever want to talk or anything. I love you, Lyric. I’ve tried my best and failed so many times over the years,” I tell her, stepping away from the bed and walking away from my sister.
“You’re really getting help? And you’ve told Ricochet everything?” Lyric finally asks me when I put my hand on the door knob.
“Ricochet knows everything. He knows all about the incubator, our dad, how I took over at nine years old paying the bills and raising you. I told him about the accident, not having kids, my frozen eggs, and everything else. This past week has been all about communicating and opening up to him. I should’ve done it from the very beginning, but I didn’t. So, now we’re working through that. He’s willing to go to counseling with me if I want him to and everything,” I answer Lyric honestly.
“Okay. I forgive you, Paige. You know I can’t ever stay mad at you. And I wasn’t ever really mad to begin with. I was hurt. So hurt. You telling me that in the kitchen that day shattered my heart. But, it’s on me too. Yeah, I knew you weren’t really dealing with not being able to have kids. Until then, I didn’t realize you were letting it bother you so bad though. Just so you know, if you ever start pushing any of us away again, I’m gonna have Shawn put a boot up your ass. This shit doesn’t ever happen again. You come talk to me. Don’t let this shit fester until you hurt everyone in your life. That’s not the way to handle any situation and it’s only going to piss me off,” she tells me, a small smile on her face as she stands from the bed and makes her way over to me.
Lyric pulls me into her arms and I have to arch my body around her belly. She’s gotten so big since I last saw her. I’d honestly believe she was close to her due date if I didn’t know she was having triplets. I wrap my arms around my baby sister and a million images play in my mind. Over the years I’ve hugged Lyric for so many reasons. That’s the one thing I can always count on to give me comfort and turn the shittiest day into a better one in an instant.
“I love you, Paige. So damn much. You’ve given up so much for me and all I’ve ever wanted to do was be there for you. Now, our lives are gonna be the best they can be and we’re gonna be stronger moving forward,” Lyric says with tears sliding down her cheeks as I let go of her.
“I love you too, baby sister. Let’s get back out there and feed your babies,” I tell her as her stomach growls loudly.
Together we walk out of their room and head back to the common room. With the exception of Kevlar and Ricochet, the room is empty. Ricochet looks at me with eyes full of love as I walk up to him. I imagine it’s the same way Kevlar is looking at my sister, but I can’t pay them any attention right now. My gaze is firmly locked on my man and only my man.
“Did the two of you get everythin’ worked out?” Kevlar asks, making my attention turn to him instead of his brother.
“We did. I’m sorry, Kevlar. I know I didn’t do much to you, but you hurt when my sister hurts and what I did is unforgivable. I’m getting help now and won’t ever hurt her again. I love Lyric and everything up until recently that I’ve done has been for her and only her. I get it if you can’t forgive me though. Or if you don’t want me around. Especially when your kids are born. I’ll do whatever the two of you want and are happy with,” I tell him as I keep my gaze on him this time.
“I didn’t think I’d forgive you, Paige. I get where you’re comin’ from a little better now, but I’m gonna say if you ever hurt your sister like you did, then you won’t ever be welcome in our area of the house. We all love ya, Paige. No more tryin’ to handle shit on your own or takin’ it out on Lyric because she’s livin’ her life. That’s what you’ve always wanted for her and you know it deep down in your soul. So, be happy for her and have her back when she’s happy. Even if it means you have to tamp everythin’ else you’re feelin’ down deep to be there for your sister. Then, you talk about that shit with Ricochet, Hawkeye, me, anyone in the fuckin’ club. We got an understandin’?” Kevlar returns, his voice full of emotion as he looks at me.
“I got you, Kevlar. I’m not ever gonna hurt Lyric again if I can help it. Not in the way I have been. I told her, and I’m telling you, I’m getting help and it’s really working for me. Valerie guides me when I need it but lets me figure things out on my own for when she’s not at my side,” I tell him, a small smile on my face.
“Alright then. Now, let’s go celebrate the two of you the way we should have a long time ago,” Kevlar says, his voice getting louder as he wraps an arm around my sister and leads us from the common room and out the back door of the clubhouse.
When we get in the backyard, I take in all the tables placed around the yard. There’s a large tent set up with all sorts of food and drinks under it. I don’t see an empty table as I look around at everyone. It’s been just Lyric and me for so long and for the first time we have other people in our corner. People who want to support us, have our backs, and just be there when we need them no matter what’s going on. Instead of embracing it and accepting it as I should’ve done a long time ago, I didn’t do a damn thing because I figured they’d all leave once Ricochet was done with me. That he’d leave the second he learned I couldn’t have kids and then I’d lose my entire support system. It’s the main reason I didn’t want to let anyone in.
Today has been amazing. I’ve made up with my sister and we haven’t left one another’s sides since we talked in the room she shares with her husband. It kills me to know I wasn’t here for her wedding. That I let my own selfish feelings and shit get in the way of her special day. I’ll never get that back. I’ve talked about it with Valerie and she understands where I’m coming from. She almost did the same thing for the same reasons. Now, all we can do is move forward and try to keep fixing what I broke.
All of the food has been eaten and most of the drinks are continuously being restocked. Getting up from the table, I head toward the tables that are now empty. Grabbing a load of plates and platters, I head for the kitchen to take care of them. The rest of the ol’ ladies prepared this massive feast for us and I can clean up the mess from outside and the kitchen. I make several trips back and forth before someone tells the Prospects to help me. It’s really not necessary for them to help me, but I appreciate it.
With them helping out, I stay in the kitchen and begin to rinse the dishes off so I can load the dishwasher. As I’m getting the dishwasher loaded, the back door leading straight into the kitchen opens. I don’t bother turning to see who’s here. It’s not until someone stands at the counter with me and starts handing me over dishes that I pay attention. Maddie has joined me and is working on helping me clean up.
