Page 93 of Beginnings


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“I’m not mad, Olivia. I’m fucking pissed.”

“But, I?—”

“You may have just signed your own death sentence. Do you realize that? Do you have any idea what that would do to me? To Chloe and Nick? To Max if he loses you during the transition?”

“Ethan, it’s the?—”

“Answer me, Olivia! Do you have any fucking idea what your death would do to us? It would fucking destroy me! I can’t lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me, Ethan,” I say touching his hand, which is gripping the steering wheel. “You know how you justget a feeling about things sometimes? That things are going to be okay? That’s how I feel about this.”

He shakes his head. “You don’t know that they’re going to be okay.”

“And you don’t know that they aren’t. Arguing about this isn’t doing us any good. The decision has been made.”

“We can still undo it.”

“Ethan, no. Please, stop fighting me on this. I’ll certainly never consider asking Max to do something that could compromise his license, nor will I accept you stepping down. This is the only way.”

He sighs and his face softens a little. “I fucking hate this,” he says, shaking his head and then bringing my hand to his lips for a kiss.

“I do too, but I love you, and I’ll do anything to be with you in your world, the way you always wanted it to be.”

He looks at me with a hint of glassiness in his eyes. “I love you so fucking much. You’ll never know how grateful I am for you.”

“I already do,” I say with a small smile. “Let’s go home. I don’t want to spend tonight arguing in your car, and Jillian is supposed to be dropping off my anti-anxiety medication soon.” With a nod, he kisses my hand once more, and then releases a deep sigh as he starts the car to drive us home.

After the meeting Max expressed how sorry he was that he wasn’t able to help us, and then he gave us instructions to follow prior to my transition tomorrow. Specifically, I’m to remain as relaxed as possible…no vigorous activity, including sex.

“I want you to follow the doctor’s orders,” Ethan says when we get home. “Go upstairs, put on something comfortable, and let me wait on you hand and foot for the rest of the night.”

I smile, and then kiss him before making my way to the stairs. I decide to give Chloe a quick call while I have a few quiet minutes to talk.

“Hey, girl. I’ve been thinking about you,” she says when she answers right away. “What happened?”

“I gave my statement about Ian, and they’ll meet to determine consequences later.”

“Okay…and the transition?”

“It’ll be public. Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? Liv, oh my God. Why tomorrow?”

“It was my idea. I need to get this done as quickly as possible so we can move forward with our lives. I can’t sit around and think about this anymore.”

“I guess I get that,” she says quietly. “How is Ethan taking the news?”

“Not well.”

“I can imagine.” We sit for a moment not saying anything. “Are you okay?” she asks.

I feel tears coming to my eyes. “It’s just weird. This is the last time I’ll talk to you as…well, me.”

“Oh, Liv. I promise you’re still going to be you…just an enhanced version of you,” she says, which makes me laugh. “Nick and I will be there to support you tomorrow.”

“Thank you, that means a lot. I should probably go. Ethan is waiting for me downstairs.”

“Okay. I love you, Liv.”

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