AllFreeNovel
Share Us
His uncertain smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Sorry for bein’ a scruffy bastard. No belt, no laces, no razor. Just in case I feel inclined to, well, you know.” He drew a finger across his throat. “I tried telling that Luis fella that it wasn’t on my agenda, but he knows I’ve got previous for trying so it looks like I’ll be walking around with my arse hangin’ out for the foreseeable.”
I hugged him, and was relieved to feel him return the embrace, however tentatively. “Terribly ‘down with the kids’,” I assured.
He frowned as he tried to pull his next words together. “Oh. And I signed a form. Some kind of, um, permission thing?”
“A ‘Release of Information’?” I offered.
“Yeah, that’s the one. Means they can tell you all the shit about me direct. I’d want you to know anyway, but the way my head feels right now, I don’t trust myself to remember all the details. Is that okay?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Dunno. Just feels like I’m asking you to hold onto a hell of a lot for me right now, and this is just another thing. Not the best return on your investment, eh?”
“For fuck’s sake, you’re not an investment Finn; you’re the man who I want to share my life with. If you weren’t such an easy target right now, I’d floor you for even saying that.”
“Small mercies and all that,” he said, and dropped back onto his bed. For a while he lay there, staring at the ceiling. “Do I have to stay here?” he finally asked.
I shook my head. “No. You’ve got free run of the place once you’re on your feet. There are cameras in the corridor, but that’s only for your safety.”
“I mean this place. This hospital. Am I… Am I locked in?”
Another of his terrors. “Oh God, Finn, no.” I took his uninjured hand in mine. “You’re not a prisoner here, darling. Not here, not anywhere. You really need to understand that. If you decide not to stay, no one will stop you. Including me.”
“But?”
“The ‘but’ isn’t important.”
“Like fuck.” Finn pulled his hand away. “Ah, c’mon, Lili, I’m not stupid. You must have played your Posh card like a pro the other night. I’m found gibbering in the street, I lamp half a dozen Gardaí, and still manage to wake up in the medical version of the Ritz instead of a padded cell in the local gaol? That’s got to be you pulling every string you can get your hands on.”
I shrugged. “Maybe, and if you decide you really can’t stay here then I’ll keep pulling as hard as I can until we find what’s best for you.”
Finn shut his eyes and let his head fall back on his pillow. “I don’t know why you fuckin’ bother with me, I really don’t,” he whispered under his breath before adding, just a little louder, “But I need to stay, don’t I? This is it. If I don’t fix here, I’m not going to get better and then… Oh God, I don’t know. I don’t know, Lili…” He began to curl into himself again and I got onto the bed next to him so that I had him wrapped in my arms.
“Then stay and heal, Finn. They’re good people, and I’ll be here every step of the way, every day until you’re fixed, and you will fix, I promise you. However long it takes, I’ll be here.” I kissed his hair and held him close until he fell asleep again, the midazolam still pulling him under like a riptide, no matter how hard he fought against it.
*****
When Finn awoke again, some three hours later, there was business to attend to.
“I’m gonna need someone to take a look at your hand,” Luis said to him. “We steri-stripped it when you came in, but you’ve ripped it open a couple of times and it’s going to need stitching if it’s going to heal properly. It’s okay though; we’ll make sure there’s plenty of local anaesthetic. You won’t feel a thing, I swear.”
Finn actually slid his left hand under the sheets, as if he could hide it. “It’s fine.”
“No it’s not,” I said. “You pretty much managed to butcher yourself the other night.”
“Yeah, but…”
“I know. Needles.” I turned to Luis. “I probably mentioned it, but Finn has something of a phobia about them,” I explained with considerable understatement.
“Can’t you just do it without the anaesthetic?” Finn asked, and Luis looked at him in absolute horror.
“No,” Luis and I replied in perfect unison.
“Oh God, why not?”
“Because it’s not the Twelfth Century, Finn,” I said. “Just no, okay?”
“But I’m not scared of the pain,” Finn pleaded. “Just the needle.”
