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“Fuck. Fuck, I’m so terribly sorry – I thought, well, I wanted Ed; I didn’t realise the time. I didn’t mean to wake you…” I began.
“Oh my goodness - this is Lilith, isn’t it?” the voice asked.
The warmth in her tone pushed me one step further towards losing it completely. “Yes,” I said, in a small voice that no longer sounded like mine.
“Right, you just stay on the line, honey – he’s right here next to me. I’ll put him on; I think he’s been expecting a call from you at some point. You take care now, okay? Here he is.”
“Lilith, what’s happened, love?” Call-Me-Ed Newton asked, and by way of reply I burst into tears.
“It’s alright – take your time, pet. I’m right here,” Ed soothed as I sobbed. Long minutes passed until I felt like I could breathe again, let alone talk. Still, Ed remained on the line. Constant and patient and so utterly solid in an otherwise treacherous world.
“I failed him, Ed. I fucked up. Finn… I missed all the warnings and I let him fall,” I finally managed.
“Okay, whatever’s happened, I’m sure that’s not the case, Lilith. Where is he now? Is he there with you?”
“No. Hospital. He’s in hospital. Psychiatric unit. Tied to a bed and…shit, Ed, it’s just…” my voice cracked again before I could reach the end of my sentence.
There was a pause, followed by a flat, “Oh. Oh, Bloody hell.” Then Ed took a deep breath and spoke with that gentle, confident tone that could still suggest that everything would be alright after a mug of tea and a chat, even if we were caught in the middle of Armageddon. “Righty ho chick , this is what you’re going to do. You’re going to get washed and changed for bed, pour yourself a large brandy, then get comfy under your duvet and call me back. You’ve got ten minutes to get sorted, and I’m starting the clock now. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Good lass. Now go.”
*****
In the end it took me a total of twelve minutes to find my pyjamas, dump my bloodstained dress into the bin, scramble into my bed and call Ed’s number again. I kept lapsing into desperate silence as I tried to piece together the horrors of the night but every few minutes Ed would make soft noises of encouragement that let me know he was still there, still listening.
An hour later I had talked myself out, and my voice was no more than a whisper as I took Ed through the final details; about Luis, Dr Cavendish and the clinica, and what the immediate future held for Finn and me. By the time I’d finished my head was pounding, but at least I’d managed to share some of the load.
“Thank you so much for ringing me, love,” Ed said, when I’d finally run out of words. “ It can’t have been easy, and I know what a stubborn little bugger you can be about sorting things out by yourself. You did good tonight, Lili. You know that, don’t you?”
“Actually no, not at the moment. But I am prepared to take your word for it. Will that do?”
There was a deep, rumbling chuckle from Ed. “Aye, that’ll do me. Righty-ho, now you need to get some sleep. And before you leave for the hospital in the morning, make sure you eat something, okay? It sounds like you’ve got a long road ahead.”
To my surprise, I found myself stifling a yawn. “ ‘M’kay.”
“Good lass. So sleep well, and give us a ring tomorrow so I know how the lad’s getting on.”
“ I will, I promise. Oh, and Ed?”
“Yes, love?”
“I bloody well wish you were my father.”
Ed gave a great sigh. “Oh Lilith, pet, the feeling’s mutual. I’d be as proud as all hell to be your dad; you’re a champion lass. Now you go and get yourself all snuggled down for a few hours, okay? Get some rest, and ring me as soon as you’ve got any news. Well, you can ring me whenever you like, but you know what I mean.”
“I know,” I whispered, amazed to find that my eyelids were becoming heavier by the second.
“Sweet dreams, little chick.” There was a soft click, and I was alone once more.
Before I had time to start thinking again I turned off my bedside light and cocooned myself in my duvet. Despite the turmoil of the night, I was asleep in moments.
Chapter Five
Finn
The incessant voices had fallen silent, but the pulse at my temples throbbed and my mouth felt as though it had been stuffed with cotton wool. Dirty grey light filtered through my eyelids and I tried to open them fully but my body refused to obey orders and I reckoned that I’d taken – or more likely been forced to take – one too many substances the night before. I’d also clearly done the unforgivable and fallen asleep in a guest’s room.
