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In life, you have moments where you kind of know what’s happening but your brain is too excited at the possibility, so your thoughts jumble and scatter, and it doesn’t compute. I’m in that moment.
“The baby is in Mommy’s belly,” Isabel explains like I’m an idiot and should have known all along.
My heart freezes and then pounds as my jaw drops to the floor. “Are you?”
Mae nods, and her face beams. “Congratulations, Daddy.”
In awe, I stand slowly. As if liquid caramel is dropped over my head, a warm, tingly sensation drips down my body. “Baby?” I breathe.
“Baby,” Mae repeats, laughing with all the love in the universe shining in her eyes.
Or maybe it’s my reflection because the love thrumming through my veins is too big for my body. It’s too big for this house. It’s infinite. Like gods and goddesses. Miracles and new life. So immense that it leaks out of my eyes in big fat tears.
I stand in front of Mae, my hands pantomime over her form. I want to touch her everywhere, but I don’t know where to start. “Our baby.”
Queeny wipes her cheeks. “Are you happy?”
A half-cry, half-laugh whooshes out of me. “Ha! Am I happy?” I don’t think there’s a word to encompass all I feel right now. “If we’re speaking English, I suppose ‘happy’ works, but… Oh my God!” I pull her to me and bawl in elation as we swing a jubilant dance. I kiss her head, cheeks, mouth, and then kneel, nuzzling her belly. My hands grip her hips. “Hi, baby.”
Mae’s fingers run through my hair, and Isabel skips around us singing, “Baby,” over and over, oblivious to my absolute meltdown.
I peer up at my love. The woman who’s made my dreams come true. The woman I never thought I’d have a chance with. The woman who will forever own my heart. “I love you so much.”
She pulls me up and gives me a decadent kiss. “I love you more.”
I shake my head, vehement. “Not possible.”
Isn’t it funny that someone could want something their whole adult life, hoping and praying for it almost every day, and then when it finally manifests, a pound of shit drops straight to their gut. Because they are totally unprepared.
Reality dawns on me. I’m going to be responsible for raising a tiny human from infancy, doing everything possible to not mess it up, which I most likely will at some point. It isn’t any less thrilling, but…
I grab the top of my head with both hands. “Oh fuck.”
The months pass by fast, and yet not fast enough. Mae had a fairly sick pregnancy. There were many a midnight I went out for pickles and ice cream. Back and foot rubs were abundant, but anytime I get to put my hands on Mae is a good time.
Even though it’s not something I ever gave much thought to, pregnancy sex is hot. How could it not be? The woman of my dreams swelled with our growing child, rocking on top of me. Her heavy breasts bouncing with every thrust. It’s heady.
My only primal thought is how do I get another one inside her.
As responsive as Queeny always is, she’s electrified pregnant. The hormones raging inside of her made her ravenous for me. She’d kill me if I said it, but it was the best nine months of my life.
But today is the day. I’m currently on my way to the hospital. I just dropped off Isabel at home with Charlotte, who is giddy with elation, kissing both my cheeks and hugging me enthusiastically.
Mae and I have filed papers for step-parent adoption, claiming parent abandonment for Brad. I will celebrate the day I can truly say Isabel’s my daughter.
God, I’m going to have two kids.
As I drive, I get lost in my head, preparing myself to become a dad, even if it’s for the second time. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. But then…
An excited laugh jumps out of my mouth. Images of Christmases, school plays, and children’s laughter swirl around in my mind, and I can’t get to the hospital fast enough.
Jay called about ten minutes ago, explaining that Mae’s water broke at work. I could hear Mae screaming obscenities in the background. Jay reassured me they’ve seen it all before and that Queeny will be fine when the baby comes.
When I drive into the parking garage, my tires squeal as I fly into the first available space. I jump out of the car and run across the street to the front entrance. It’s not long before I make it to the delivery floor. I’m quickly disinfected, suited up, and ushered into Mae’s room.
Her feet are already propped up in stirrups, and her wet hair is plastered to her face. She’s cradling her swollen belly. Our baby.
Jay is at her side, helping her breathe through her contractions. They exaggerate expulsion and I almost laugh, until I take in Mae’s distressed state.
