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“Why, Mase? Tell me, please.”
“Because I went against Leo’s order. You know this. I’ve also got to pay the club ten grand, and I’m off the runs for the next year.”
“All that for trying to save your brother.”
“You know as well as I do that the club isn’t just one man. I’ll heal, but my actions will last a lifetime.”
She isn’t convinced, but she lets it go. Myles comes through with a bowl of warm water and the first aid box. He sets to work cleaning me up and warns me about my nose again. Aspen watches on from the armchair, and knowing her so well, I know she’s waiting until we’re alone before speaking again.
I suck in a breath as Myles dabs antiseptic on a cut on my cheek. He ignores me and carries on.
“Hey, Aspen, guess what you’re doing this Saturday.”
Keeping my eyes on her, I see her shrug, not really interested in holding a conversation with my brother.
“Looking after your brother?”
“Ha. No. You’ll be attending my wedding. Only, it’s a secret, don’t go tellin’ Em.”
“Surely she needs to know so she knows to turn up?”
I snort at Aspen’s humour.
Rolling his eyes, Myles explains, “I’m going to plan it all, probably with the old ladies, and then tell her on the morning of.”
“Wow. I guess that’s something to look forward to. Though from where I sit, Mason isn’t exactly picture perfect for memories.”
Myles's excitement drops. “Fuck. She’s right. You’re gonna look like shit in my wedding photos.” A few seconds of silence hangs between us, and then he shrugs. “Nah, it’ll be fine. There’s always someone with a bruise or whatnot at a wedding.”
And just like that, the conversation has been squashed. “There, I’ve done about as much as I can do. I’ll grab you some painkillers, and then I’m out.”
While he’s in the kitchen, I look at my old lady.
“I’m sorry, but it had to be done.”
“In a sick, twisted way, I understand. I’m glad it’s now and not when the babies are born. You’d scare the shit out of them.”
Something clicks in my mind. I can’t be reckless when my children arrive. I have to make sure that I’m around for them for as long as I can possibly achieve it.
“Whatever the future holds, our children won’t ever see this.”
“That’s not something you can promise.”
“Yeah, it is.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Kyla
Wandering from room to room, the house has never felt so big. Even when the boys moved out to stay at the club, it still felt like a home. When Victoria moved into my father’s house, it was still a home. It was like their rooms were waiting for them if they ever needed to come home. The one place that was our stable and safe space in this, at times, wretched world. I didn’t mind the kids growing up and leaving our safe place because it’s the way it’s meant to be. Yet now I see they’re settled in their own homes, creating their own stable and safe spaces. They don’t need mine anymore. There’s no Ricky to fill the silence and fill the rooms with his presence. Every room I enter is empty of everything I spent years taking for granted. The only thing keeping me here is the hope that, in time, all the memories we all made here will be enough to keep me company being alone. Alannah has stuck to her word and left me dinner and groceries on the porch. Each night, she leaves a bottle of wine with the food and leaves.
On the kitchen counter, the wine bottles still sit holding their contents. I had planned to drink my way through this pain, but as soon as I let myself into the house, I couldn’t bring myself to pour a glass after the first. I don’t want to be numb from this, blurring the world around me. Just like I always want to remember my time with Ricky and with my dad, I want to remember this time without them. I don’t know what to do with myself, so I do nothing but sit around and replay past conversations with my dad and the intimate moments with Ricky.
The rooms, once filled with life and laughter, now echo with the silence of loneliness. Each step I take is heavy with the weight of my memories. What am I going to do?
Chapter Twenty-Two
Myles
