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“You’ll always be my little boy, won’t you?” She nuzzles his cheek, still bracketed in my arms. He giggles, and the heartwarming moment has me craving more of this.
“Bas, nice?” Damien asks Ema, holding her cheeks the same way I was.
A content look crosses her delicate features as she answers. “Sebastian is very nice.”
“Bas, Dada?” The heartbreak on her face at his question cramps my gut.
As much as I want to say yes, I'll be his dad when they’re ready for it, but I know this is an answer for Ema to give, not me. Snapping my fingers for Jack, the dog trots over, ready to distract Damien as soon as he’s on the floor again.
“Uhm, well, that’s complicated.” Her eyes dart to me with panic. She has no idea how to answer him either. “Go play with Jack, sweetheart.” Putting him on his feet, Damien goes back to the carpet with the dog. “I never intended to avoid a question like that. I suppose I just didn’t expect it yet,” she explains while watching him.
“If the answer were yes, it’d be an honor,” I tell her, turning to check the bacon in the oven so she doesn’t feel pressured.
“His real dad, Clayton, he’s not a bad guy. We were so young. He never asked me to get an abortion, but he made it clear he didn’t want children yet,” she expounds, so I turn and give her my full attention. “I had no idea what I was going to do. I knew no matter what I chose that I was responsible for him. That my choice was the one that would matter to his future.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Ema. I’m not going to judge you.” There’s nothing she could do to make me berate her.
“No, I know. I want to. I want you to understand the choices I’ve made because if we work out, they could affect you too.” Christ, do I love the sound of that.
“I’m all ears then.”
Continuing to make the waffles, she talks more. “You know my parents are religious, right?” I nod when she looks at me. “They were ready to break their own beliefs and force me to get an abortion. I knew they would, so I didn’t tell them about Damien until it was too late, it helped that the doctors even refused without my consent too. After they found out, they refused to have anything to do with the pregnancy. I became a pariah in my own home, but I couldn’t leave because it would look bad for them. When I told Clayton what was happening, he became my rock. We were no longer together, but we were friends. He was there for all of my appointments and even the birth. After that, though, there was no contact between us.”
“You were all alone and a single mom.” Sniffling, she nods.
“It was for the best, to be honest. I learned to take care of both of us. I started selling the mukluks because it brought in much-needed money. When Clayton went to college, he started sending money, too, even though he signed away his rights at birth. I’ve never sent pictures, and he hasn’t asked for any information, but he’s a good guy, so he sends what he can. And it helps. I just wish he hadn’t abandoned Damien as well.”
I can see the tears streaming down her cheeks as she pours the batter into the waffle maker. “That little boy is the most important person in your life, and everyone around you has tossed you both aside. You’re hurt, Ema, and you’re not acknowledging that.”
“I know.” Kissing the top of her head, I wait for her to say more. “I’m afraid that if I admit it, I won’t be able to stop thinking about it. I can’t do that to Damien. He’s everything to me. The only person on this earth who cares a lick about me aside from Chloe.”
“And me,” I’m quick to remind her. “Christ, would it ever kill me if something happened to you, baby. Or Dam. I know you’re skeptical, have every right to be, but I’m in this for the long haul. There is nothing I want more than to be able to claim the two of you as my own so that the next time Damien asks if I’m his dad, I can damn well answer yes, and say it with pride.”
Wiping her face with a towel, she looks up at me with so much emotion on her face. “You make it really easy to fall in love with you, Sebastian Cole.”
“Yeah?” I raise a brow with a smirk on my lips. “Good, that means you’ll want to stay.”
Her face falls. “I wish it were so easy as just staying.”
“It could be.” I’ll make it so.
“My parents are here. Nancy and her husband are here. They would make my life miserable whenever they saw me. I can’t imagine what they would do or say to Damien when he’s old enough.” Stress creases her eyebrows.
“I lived an isolated life up here as a teenager. Pop out a couple more kids, and Damien won’t be as isolated as I was.” Her laughter is contagious at my suggestion, and for the first time, I think I’ve got her convinced.
CHAPTER 5
emaleigh
ONE WEEK LATER.
For a week, we’ve lived in a blissful state without the rest of the world crashing in on us. The storm lasted longer than predicted, and with how deep the snow was, Sebastian couldn’t plow the road down the mountain like he normally would, so we had to wait for the plow to come up to us. I didn’t mind, neither did Damien.
He and Jack have become the best of friends and are nearly inseparable. Sleeping together at night, playing during the day. Even outside, Damien would throw snow up in the air, and Jack would jump into it, causing my son to break out into laughter so carefree and sweet that my heart lit up. He’s never been as open and accepting with anyone else as he is Sebastian. Damien has begun peeking out of his shell, and as his mother, I couldn’t be more thrilled. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine we could find any kind of happiness in Polar Bear. Not after the way my own family has treated us.
Because of this, Sebastian has me reconsidering my plan to leave. I think he’s even started building Damien a custom toddler bed, but he won’t admit it yet, and I think it’s because he doesn’t want to frighten me into running away. I’m not entirely sure that’s possible right now. Not with the way he makes us both feel.
Driving up to my house now, I told Sebastian that I needed to do this alone, and he reluctantly agreed. I have butterflies in my stomach because I know this won’t end well. There will be name-calling, terrible accusations, and likely more despicable behavior than I can think of or be prepared for. But the last thing I want is for Sebastian to bear witness to it or for Damien to be exposed to it.
