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God. He shuddered, knowing he needed to stop before he embarrassed himself by coming in his pants like a teenager. Breaking the kiss, he trailed his lips along the curve of her jaw, down the length of her throat.
Her quiet moan was his reward. “Kaj.”
“You feel so good,” he whispered.
“So do you. I want more than I should.”
“Same.” He shifted his hips so that his cock was no longer between her legs and she made a sound of disappointment that made him feel ten feet tall. “Want you.”
She swallowed and he felt it under his lips. “Same.” The word was husky and sexy and he had to fight the urge to drag her to the bed. “But we can’t. Maybe we could just...” She bit her lip, looking suddenly shy. “It’s been a while since I’ve just...”
Kaj brushed a lock of hair from her face. “What do you want, Val?” Her cheeks pinked up, and he couldn’t stop himself from kissing her again. But he kept it sweet and chaste and very gentle. “Tell me.”
“Could we just... lie down together for a while? Without more?”
“Yeah.” He kissed her mouth again, then ran his lips over the arm that she’d wrapped around his neck. “We can do that.” He took her by the hand and led her to the bed. Then he climbed in after her and wrapped his arms around her, closing his eyes when she rested her head on his shoulder. “This is nice.”
“It is.” She’d grown quiet in his arms, but it was a stiff kind of quiet, versus restful. “I didn’t tell Elijah most of it.”
He hesitated, then kissed her hair. “You don’t owe me anything, Val.”
“I know.” She was quiet for several minutes, but he knew she wasn’t asleep. He could be patient, though. Finally, she spoke again. “There were more than one.”
His body went rigid as rage began to build. He had to fight not to tighten his grip, because he might accidentally hurt her. “Two?”
She shook her head. “Three. All Marines. All big. They came after me in the dark. I hid, but they found me. I tried to fight, but...”
Fucking hell. He didn’t know what to say. In his years as a prosecutor, he’d met dozens of victims of sexual assault, and he never knew what to say to make it easier because there was nothing that made it easier. He’d found that firm sympathy usually worked best.
Except this wasn’t just any victim. This was the woman he was holding in his arms, and his voice broke when he tried to answer. “You couldn’t.”
She stroked his cheek. Comforting him. “I’m only telling you because it changed what I can... tolerate in bed. I figured we should have this conversation before we went any further.”
Dread was like a lead weight on his chest. “Did I do someth—”
“No,” she interrupted. “You were fine. You were a good bit better than fine, actually.”
He couldn’t smile. He was too furious for what she’d endured. “What shouldn’t I do?”
“It’s mostly my hair. Stay away from my scalp. It was shorter then and it got pulled.”
He felt sick to his stomach. “I’m sorry. I won’t touch it again.”
She reared up, meeting his eyes in the darkness. “I’m not broken, Kaj. I just need a few modifications. I liked when you grabbed my hair just now. You can even tug on it. Just don’t grab close to my scalp. That can trigger a panic attack.”
She was strong, staring him down. He’d be strong for her, too. “What else?”
“No breath play. Kiss my throat. I like that. But don’t put your hands there.”
“Understood.”
“That’s pretty much it.” One side of her mouth lifted. “I like sex, Kaj. I made sure I focused on that when I went to therapy afterward. I wouldn’t let those bastards take that away from me. I haven’t slept with a lot of men, but when I see one I like, I don’t hold back. But I have found that I’m drawn to men who are six-foot-ish, lean muscle, no gym rats.”
He made himself smile. “Sounds familiar.”
She kissed him lightly. “I couldn’t take my eyes off you, not any of the times I’ve seen you. I’m glad we’re here now. I’m not glad for why I’m at your house, but I like you, Kaj Cardozo. I want more of you.”
“I like you, too, Val Sorensen. I couldn’t take my eyes off you, either. You’re the first woman I’ve been with in any way since Heather.”
