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I sat next to Forrest after he fell asleep for an amount of time that was probably creepy, considering I was staring at him the whole time. I knew I had to face the guys and doing it while Forrest was asleep was the better choice, but I was putting it off. Forrest had been mine, and mine alone, for six years. The idea of bringing other people into his life who might want to take him, even part time, scared the hell out of me. I was out of my league and so far in over my head.
I’d never thought I’d see the three men waiting on me again. I’d come to Lilyfield to find them after discovering I was pregnant, but they were gone. Without their last names, phone numbers, or any way to contact them, I knew it was hopeless. I’d wanted to find them and give them a chance. I’d wanted to find them and have them tell me they’d lost my number and that was the only reason they hadn’t called me after the night we spent together.
I forced myself into the shower to get the face mask off and then I dressed in the only clothes I wore those days. Leggings and an oversized sweater. I pulled on my boots and turned on the baby monitor I still used to make myself sleep easier with Forrest in a different room to mine. Knowing nothing was going to get easier with waiting, I took my part of the monitor and at the last second, a framed baby picture of Forrest.
Without a single plan or thought in place, I went downstairs and across the yard. The house was lit and I could see through the front windows into a living room where the guys were standing, looking stressed. Even though I wanted to run back to my little apartment and hide away, I made myself walk up the steps to the front door and knock.
Barely a second passed before the door was yanked open and Justin was staring down at me with a focused glare. I passed the framed photo to him and took a deep breath while he dropped his eyes to it.
Ben and Mason appeared behind Justin, each of them staring at the photo of Forrest just as intensely. As I watched, they each studied Forrest with wide eyes.
“He was born on June thirteenth. He was a big baby, ten pounds, and he screamed his head off every night for the first six months of his life. Then, he quietened down and started crawling at big cat speeds. He’s always looked like me. He’s nothing like me, though. Not really. He’s the most charming little boy ever. He’s a reader and if he can’t read it himself, he wants me to read it to him. Over and over again. He’s brilliant and kind. Before we moved here, his last teacher thought he should be moved up at least one grade. He gets bored easily in class and gets himself in trouble. He loves animals, so he’ll probably obsess over General and Captain. He’s a really picky eater and can be stubborn. Forrest Channing is the best little boy ever.
“I found out I was pregnant three months after our…time…together. There were no other men after you three. I came back here to find you guys, but you were gone. I met Margaret and she made a big impression, so after living at home with my parents for the past six years, I moved back here to be closer to Margaret. I had no idea you guys were here. I definitely didn’t know I would be living in your garage apartment. I didn’t plan any of this and I don’t exactly know where to go from here.”
Justin stepped back from the doorway. “Come in.”
I took a shaky breath and moved into the main house, stepping around each of them so I didn’t touch them. I was too keyed up to be touched. I was just…scared. I felt like I’d jeopardize my life with Forrest if I didn’t play nice.
Justin led me into the living room they’d been pacing through and motioned for me to have a seat on one of the two overstuffed couches. Any other time and I might’ve appreciated the minimalist decor in the home, but I was too busy trying not to throw up on their hardwood floors.
“Um… Forrest broke his arm when he was three. He was with my Dad and he tried to jump into his arms while he wasn’t looking. He landed in the worst way and broke his arm bad enough that he had to have surgery. He has scars from it. He’ll need glasses soon. He’s happy about it, though. He thinks he’ll look like Harry Potter and it’ll be cool.” I rambled on, trying to fill the silence with whatever facts about my son came to my mind. “He’s terrified of needles, but he’s literally picked up random snakes he’s found on the ground before and carried them around. He kept a pet spider for two months when he turned five. My parents had a cat he became enemies with. If you mention the name Peter, he’ll scowl because he really does have a long and awful history with that cat.”
Mason sat across from me on the other couch and rested his elbows on his knees. “This all could’ve been avoided if you hadn’t run off.”
I frowned, caught off-guard by the change of subject. “I’m sorry?”
“You left while we were at work.” He twisted his fingers together. “We wouldn’t be here, hearing about our son from you like this, if you hadn’t left.”
Ben leaned against the doorway behind Mason. “I can’t stop thinking about what all we’ve lost.”
Frustration bubbled up inside me, old hurts and shames rearing their heads. “I’m a little confused about why you think this is my fault.”
Justin let out a bitter laugh. “Are you serious? You left. We had no clue you were pregnant. If any of us had known you were pregnant, we would’ve been there. We each had deadbeat fathers; none of us wanted to repeat that history.”
I’d tried to find them. They were the ones who never called me. They never made the effort to see me again. They’d left me alone after sleeping with me and I’d been forced to go back to Kansas, knocked up and alone, to be judged harshly by everyone around me, including my parents. I was the idiot who’d left college with one semester left because she hadn’t been safe.
“How hard did you look for us?” Mason crossed his arms over his chest and frowned at me. “We were never very far from the Harmony Valley.”
“You know what would’ve avoided all of this? You three picking up your phones and calling me. Blame me all you want, but this isn’t my fault. I tried.” I stood up and turned my back on them. “I had to leave because something came up with a friend, but I left a note. I left a note that gave you my number and the reason I had to leave.”
Ben grunted. “Bullshit.”
I spun back around on them. “I left a note. Don’t pretend like you didn’t get it just because you’re eager to be the victim here. You could’ve called me. I prayed that one of you would call me. I was twenty-one, raising a kid on my own. I had to go back home to Kansas and listen to every Tom, Dick, and Harry make comments about me being pregnant and all alone. None of it was easy.”
“We didn’t get a note, Violet.” Ben straightened and walked around the couch. “We tried calling your friend, the one you called from our phone, and she told us to fuck off.”
My mouth fell open. “You’re lying.”
“We told you we were coming back after work.” He shook his head and looked away. “We tried to find you.”
“I thought you lied. People do that. When I had to leave to help my friend, I left a note on the table and I left my number for you guys to call. You never did.” I rubbed my temples. “You didn’t get the note?”
Mason shook his head. “No. There was no note. We would’ve called you.”
“And told you to get your ass back to us.” Justin’s growled words left the room in a heavy silence.
CHAPTER 5
