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“If I refuse, then they’ll either send me straight to live with the Fabricis or I’ll be expelled from the key carrying world. At least this way I have a chance of passing and avoiding any of that.”
Noah sighs loudly. “You should think long and hard about this. They shouldn’t get to treat you this way.” He shakes his head. “It’s not right.”
His expression changes, softens, and his fear comes to the fore. He’s just lost Frances and feels responsible for her death. I can tell he’s worried that something might happen to me too. Especially after all the dicey situations I’ve found myself in in the past.
“I’m training hard and rereading those excerpts in the hope of finding something in there that could help me. I won’t be easily defeated,” I promise him.
His eyes are somber and yet so trustworthy, like a safe haven. His lips, his cheekbones, his straight nose, his facial expressions – everything about him is so familiar and still makes my heart flutter. I just don’t understand where the conflicting feelings are coming from. Why can’t I get Ayden out of my head? It would make everything so much easier.
Noah looks at me. He tentatively reaches out and pulls me against his chest. For a moment, I surrender to this intimacy. But I know it’s wrong. First, I need to get clear about what I want and need. So I smile sadly at him and slowly step back.
“I can handle the test,” I say again to dispel his fears.
He shakes his head. “You shouldn’t have to. I don’t get why you even want to stay with the Tempes.” He seems to regret these words as soon as they come out of his mouth. Not because he doesn’t believe what he’s saying, but because it’s the wrong time to express it. It just makes me angry. We’ve had this discussion too many times already. He should know I’d never betray my people and become a Noctu. And anyway, they’re no better than the Tempes as far as I can tell.
“Don’t start that again,” I beg. “We’ve already discussed it, and you should know where I stand.”
Another sigh. “Sure, but I don’t understand it.”
“You don’t need to,” I reply quietly. “Let’s change the subject. This is going nowhere.”
He studies my face thoughtfully and his lips twitch as if he’s about to say something. Then he nods.
“I thought we were here to talk about this,” I say, taking out the silver comb. Noah looks at it then turns to look up at the night sky.
“They’re hard to see,” he observes.
“True. If we want to find a particular constellation, we should probably do some online research first and then maybe find a place outside of the city with less light pollution.”
Noah holds his hand out. “May I?”
“Sure.”
He turns it over, examining it closely.
“These little holes are all slightly serrated, as if they’re supposed to represent stars. See what I mean? The bigger hole could be the moon,” I suggest.
“Possibly.”
“Maybe you’re supposed to hold it up to the moon.”
Noah waggles his head from side to side. “Or a planet that’s only visible at certain times and seasons.” He turns the comb over in his hands again. “Do you want to leave it with me for a while? I’ll see if I can find out anything about this constellation.”
“Sure.”
Noah inspects the comb one last time. “We’ll figure it out.” He shoots me a confident smile, takes out his key, and raises his hand in a wave.
Chapter 12
I’m breathing heavily; the sweat is dripping from my brow, and even Yoru is panting beside me. A faint tremor goes through his little body, and I begin to worry. Have I pushed my little fox too hard? Should I have paid more attention to him?
Yoru looks at me as though he can read my anxious thoughts and gives me a look that reassures me. And I feel a kind of calmness flood through me. Everything’s okay; Yoru’s fine.
My classmates continue to train around me, driving their spirits and throwing hexes across the room, and I take a deep breath and prepare to launch my next attack. I try to increase my bond with Yoru, be more responsive to him, and allow our souls to merge. I have no other choice because I’ll need the extra power for the test. I know it’s dangerous to attempt this, and it’s always accompanied by a certain amount of fear. I can’t lose myself and turn into one of the fallen. But I have to take certain risks if I want to transform into a supernatural being the way Ayden and Noah do. I just need to feel my way very carefully toward that limit, and if the voice tries to tempt me again, I’ll ignore it.
I close my eyes, summon my odeon, and send a large portion of it to Yoru. I let more and more of it flow into my spirit so that there’s this constant stream. And I receive a stream of energy back from Yoru. It’s like a conductive wire, an electrical connection that exists between us, on which we both depend. I think I can already sense the limit, and I hold myself back from it so that I don’t run the risk of transforming.
Warmth floods through me, and an exhilarating feeling of strength. The word “power” comes to mind, and I actually feel stronger in this moment than ever before. I feel free, unconstrained.
