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Trying to hold on to the levity he’s brought me, I scoot closer, moulding my body to the side of his while I trace the leaves over his shoulder to his back. There’s nothing on his back, aside from the peak of the tattoo on his side that goes down to his hip.
His breath hitches when I trail my fingertips down his spine, then his mouth curves up into a dreamy smile.
“Morning, sweetheart,” he mumbles as I pull the duvet cover over us and climb onto his back, laying on him as I hold on to his biceps.
“Morning, big guy.”
“Feeling okay?” He reaches behind him to cradle my thighs.
The flex of his muscles rocks my entire body over his, causing the ache inside me to crackle. “Good. Sore.”
A deep, amused rumble vibrates through him as he tugs my thighs to straddle him and then twists beneath me to face me. His fingertips run up my back, tickling me until I push off his chest and sit up onto his stomach. We’re still buck-naked, the smell of great sex lingering on our skin, and nothing has ever felt so right.
“Better,” Leif hums, holding my face between his hands. “Nothing beats this view.”
A giggle erupts with the sudden hiccup of my heart. “You’ve said some cheesy lines, but this one takes the cake.”
A grin beams up at me, and I brace my hands on his hard stomach, dipping a little closer, with my boobs pushed up between my arms. At least one part of me should look great, given that my hair is a disarray of knots and clumps, and I’m pretty certain the residue of my mascara is giving me stellar panda eyes.
“If that’s the case, there’s going to be a lot of cake going round. Brace yourself.”
His thumbs stroke over my lips, tugging my mouth open as he sits up and nudges my nose playfully with his.
“Girl from Bow,” he murmurs into my mouth, tilting his face to steal a quick kiss. “I want to do this again.”
“Me, too.” The admission rolls off my tongue, tugged straight from my chest by his sincere stare.
“A lot. Like, all the time.”
“You want to destroy me all the time?” I chuckle, trying to push past the anxiety in my chest that’s screaming at me that nothing lasts forever. People leave. Even the ones that are supposed to love you the most.
“Your pussy, yes,” he retorts, brushing his lips against mine. “But with you, I want to do a lot more. More than fuck and banter. I want to get to know you, Cassidy. Really get to know you. All the ins and outs, the people you care about, and the ones that were too fucking stupid to hold on to you. I want to hold on to you really damn tightly and give you what they couldn’t.”
I close my mouth over his, silencing him before he says more than he needs to or makes promises he won’t be able to keep because life makes liars out of the best of us. Licking his lips, I trail my hands up his torso to his chest as I try to coax him to kiss me back in vain.
I pull back to look at his face when he remains deathly still. His hands fall from my face, and his body bows, putting distance between us.
“Leif…”
“I’m capable of reading between the lines,” he says, a distant glaze darkening his eyes. “I know when I’m being silenced, Cassidy.”
“It’s not… I’m not—”
“Don’t do it. Don’t start lying now.”
What is happening right now? Every beat of my heart pangs with a bone deep agony when he leans back, bracing himself on his hands. His eyes hold mine, but with my nakedness, it feels as though he can see through my skin to the fear in my core.
“I get it,” he murmurs, disappointment edging his words. “Too much, too soon. You want more, but you’re too chickenshit to take it.”
Leif’s pride’s hurt, I understand that, but still… “That’s not fair.”
Pulling the rumpled sheet to the side, I wrap it around myself as I shuffle off him and start for the bathroom.
“You can cover up and lock yourself away in there,” he barks after me, the cold edge to his words sharper than a killer's blade as I slam the bathroom door shut. “It doesn’t change anything.”
The lurch of my stomach pushes bile up into my mouth, so that I taste the sourness of his words. I pull on the sheet as tightly as I can, trying to use it to hold myself together when my heart is moments away from ripping itself out of my chest.
“I see you, Cassidy.”
