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He shuddered and swallowed. Erin rolled over on her side, putting one hand on his shoulder. He grabbed her hand with his good hand, pulled it down to his heart and hung on tight. He spoke louder, so she could hear him over the rain pounding on the tent, the lightning and thunder crashing around them. "I'm pretty sure I passed out at that point. I don't think I realized my hand wasn't attached to my arm anymore, but I knew something was wrong. It must have been the tourniquet that hurt so bad. Those guys saved my life. I would have bled out if they hadn't acted so quickly." Ryan snorted. "It was the Sarge who saved my life. He's the one who trained us in emergency response. But I thought I'd be saving someone else." He shivered the helpless feeling away, holding Erin's hand.
"Anyway, I remember flashes of being in an ambulance, and then in the medical unit, and being transported on one of my C-17s." He snorted. "I definitely remember asking the nurse for the tail number because I wanted to check and make sure all the maintenance was done. Which makes me laugh now. Pretty sure I was on the good stuff by then." Ryan glanced at Erin, trying to smile, but he gave up. "Anyway, I woke up for real at Landstuhl, Germany, and they told me what happened. I finally realized I'd lost my hand and most of my forearm. They shipped me off to Walter Reed pretty quick, and I started physical therapy and getting ready for the prosthesis and all that."
He took a few deep breaths while the lightning cracked simultaneously with the thunder, booming all around them. Good thing the tent was deep in living trees. Erin said nothing, but she held his hand and squeezed it lightly. In the bright flashes, Erin's compassion was clear on her pretty face. "Anyway, most of the time, it's okay. I don't freeze up or flash back very often anymore. I've gotten used to not having an arm and a hand and used to the reactions. Most people are cool about it, and they don't stare or scream. Women do." He shrugged. "Starla's reaction is pretty common."
Erin squeezed his hand, tight. "Girls do. Stupid little girls who have never grown up. Women are fine with it and admire you."
He snorted. "That's a nice thought but not what I've found."
"Oh, come on. Sam and Deb both called you sexy, remember?"
"But neither one of them touched me, now did they?" The storm rolled away, but the rain didn't let up, and the wind still howled.
"Sure they did. And as I recall, you were the one who took Sam's hand off your chest." She poked his chest with one finger.
"I guess I did." Ryan stared up at her, trying and failing to read her face in the gathering gloom. "But I don't want Sam touching me. I want you touching me."
"Ryan..."
There was something in her voice, but he didn't know what. And it didn't matter—it was go-time. Ryan rolled onto his side and let go of her hand. Her hand slid across his chest, and he shivered, goosebumps rising. Nothing—and everything—to lose. He slid his hand up her arm, along her shoulder, and up into her hair. Then, watching her eyes, waiting for a no, he leaned toward her.
He fell face first, putting his hand down to catch himself. He'd forgotten he didn't have a hand to lean on, just a stump.
Erin gasped. Probably pulled her hair. Argh. Got to do this right. Ryan quickly got his residual arm positioned and brought his good hand to the back of her head, lowering his lips to hers. He moved slow, giving her plenty of time to back away and slap him.
His mouth touched her pillowy lips. For a heartbeat, she didn't respond, and his stomach dropped to his feet in despair. Then her lips moved against his—she was kissing him. His stomach rocketed up, floating in zero gee joy and ecstasy for a second. Yes, yes, yes! So good, soft, warm.
He ran his hand through her hair and over her back to her waist, pulling her toward him. He groaned into her mouth at the wonder of her in his arms. Pulling away from her lips, he ran his mouth down her neck to her pulse point and back up to her ear, nipping at the lobe lightly. Erin moaned his name; the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard. She ran her hands over his chest and shoulders, her slightly rough hands rasping over his skin, spreading heat, so he nipped her again. He captured the moan in his mouth, meeting her lips again. Perfect.
The feel of her hands on his skin, clutching his shoulders, drove him insane. Something cold hit the back of his neck and he jolted. Another frigid drop hit his neck and rolled down. He pulled back. A big drop splatted Erin's forehead, and she gasped, wide-eyed.
"Argh!" Ryan rolled away from Erin and grabbed the pack towel he'd put by the door. "The tent is leaking!" He sat up. Erin did too, pushing her sleeping bag down. He shoved his, trying to keep it in the middle and not let it brush up against the sides of the tent, knowing pressure would eventually wick moisture inside.
She peered at the roof of the tent, then prodded it gently, water running down her arm. "Oh, I see what happened." Erin wiped her arm off, unzipped the tent door on her side, put her rain gear on, and unzipped the fly. She stood in the pouring rain, the light from her headlamp bouncing and scattering in the deluge. Then she re-zipped the fly and disappeared.
Ryan kept his towel under the drip and grabbed his headlamp, looking for more. That was lousy timing. The fly popped up off the mesh of the tent, then the whole tent shook. The flapping of nylon quieted as Erin tightened the lines. Ryan ran his towel over the mesh of the tent to catch the last of the drips. Then he moved Erin's bag underneath him so it wouldn't get wet when she came back in.
The fly opened and closed, and Erin carefully took off her wet gear, trying to avoid getting more water in the tent. Ryan ran the dry end of his towel over her hair, neck, and back where she'd inevitably gotten wet pulling the pants and coat off and the tent and pad underneath her. She finally brought her feet into the tent, wiped them off, and zipped it back up. She hung her headlamp above them, light shining down, and flopped back on her pad.
Then Erin turned to him. "A branch fell on the fly, and it was just heavy enough to press it against the tent." A smile flickered. "It was condensation dripping. Glad it didn't tear the fly." She paused, then her smile flashed again. "It's always a bit of a contortionist act to get back in the tent when it's raining. Thanks for drying my back off." Her brows rose. "Can I have my sleeping bag back?"
That's all she's going to ask? He propped himself up on his shoulders and feet and pulled her bag out from under his legs and handed it to her. He rolled on his side, and after she twisted away from him to slide the bag underneath her, he reached up and slid his arm around her waist, pulling her back into him on top of his bag. "There, now you can arrange it easily."
Erin gasped a bit when he snuggled her in, then huffed out a laugh. "Oh, I don't think there's anything easy about any of this."
"No?" He kissed the back of her neck. "Why can't it be easy?"
She wriggled back into him. "Ryan... we can't do this."
Her words didn't agree with her body, not one little bit. "Why not?" He moved his mouth farther down her neck to her pulse point, and she sucked in a breath. She responded so passionately, and unless she pulled away, he was pushing on—it was all or nothing time. He slid his right arm, which was trapped under her, tighter around her waist. She put her hand over his and squeezed. He couldn't do more without full spoken consent, so repeated his question. "Why not? You want me, I love you, so why not?"
She stiffened, her hand clenching almost painfully around his. "What did you say?"
"I said, you want me, and I love you." Unable to resist, he nipped gently at her neck.
"You love me?" she whispered.
"Yeah, I do." Ryan kissed along the top of her shoulder. "Fully realized it about a week ago, but I think I've known for a while now. I know you probably don't feel the same, but that's okay. I can be patient." He squeezed her tight. He didn't want society's logic or laws overruling her real feelings. If she didn't want him, she'd have pulled away. "Usually I can be patient. You want me, so that's good enough for now. Hopefully, I'll grow on you. You already put up with me and haven't threatened to kill me yet, so that's a good sign." He ran his tongue around the outside of her ear.
