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Erin agreed. She'd rather be safe, dry, and warm in her tent rather than crowd under a barely adequate tarp that might get ripped away. She pulled her rain cover off her pack and draped it over a rock behind her. Then she fished her bowl and mug out of her pack. At first glance, it looked like everything survived her weight. Erin handed the bowl to Jules, who was already dishing out food. Tyler poured her some hot water after she got out a tea bag, and she shoved in a bite, suddenly starving.
After shoveling in a couple of bites, Ryan asked, "So, what happened to you guys, Jules?"
"We struggled with the brush and trees, and we got low on water before we got to the clearer area that Tyler told us about, so we turned back." Jules shrugged and smiled. "I'm sorry we didn't get to meet up with you, but I'm thrilled we got this tarp up before the thunderstorm and got dinner cooked."
"Yeah, you were smarter." Tyler chuckled.
Erin ate seconds as Tyler and Jules discussed the trail. Ryan scraped the remainder from the cookpot into his bowl and chowed on a meat bar. Guess escaping death by lightning strike makes you hungry. Dan and Laura took on water duty, making sure everyone's bottles were full. She'd return the favor tomorrow morning.
Jules poured hot water in the cook pot and scrubbed. "Same morning routine tomorrow but an hour earlier. We need to get on the trail early. We've got nine miles, longer than we normally go, but our packs are lighter now, and you're all in great shape. Any questions or issues?"
It would be a long day, but Erin was sure they were all capable. No one objected, so they all helped clean up, put rain pants back on, hung the food bags, and headed off to their tents. Erin shook off the tree branches surrounding their tent and then shook the tent, tightening the guy lines and letting it drip while she found the driest spot to put her pack and put her pack cover back on. Ryan helped her, then pulled his pack cover, shaking it out.
Tyler said they might have another storm, and darkness was falling. "Ryan, can I have my jacket back? I want to put it right under the vestibule, in case it's raining, and I have to get up."
"Sure. Good idea. Speaking of going, I'm going. Be back in a few." He handed her jacket over and took off through the trees.
That was a smart move. Erin changed into her normal sleeping attire but put her lightweight sweater on over the camisole and her rain pants back on. It was a little chilly out here with all the wet foliage. Then she headed out for a bathroom run. As she walked back, it took more and more effort to keep moving. All she wanted to do was collapse.
Reaching the tent, Erin took off all her gear, carefully placing her boots well under the rain fly, and put her rain gear around the boots, making sure it wouldn't blow away or block the airflow into the boots. She zipped up the tent and relaxed back on her sleeping bag and pad, exhausted but not quite able to fall asleep. Gradually, she warmed up. Exhaustion hit her again, hard. Ryan came back as she was closing her eyes. Material swished, but he said nothing. Even if she'd been awake, Erin didn't want to discuss their kiss, not now. She let herself drift off.
Chapter 27
Storms Inside and Out
Ryan watched Erin sleep. She is so beautiful. Even with her hair in tangled, damp ringlets around her face and red marks from tree branches smacking her lightly freckled skin, she was gorgeous. And that kiss. That was a real kiss. He wanted that again. Immediately. He flopped onto his back, knowing that if he kept looking at her, he wouldn't be able to resist, and he'd pull her over on top of him and... nope. Can't go there. Shoot.
Ryan put his good arm under his head. Erin kissed him. But she'd only done it because he'd been so lost in his mind that she couldn't think of any other way to wake him. She should have slapped him, but she was too nice to do that. She should have left him there and moved away, saving herself. He would have come out eventually, probably when the rain poured on him. But Erin wasn't that kind of person. No, she'd done what it took to save him, like she'd done time after time.
But he needed to know if she'd kissed him only to bring him back to reality, or did she return his feelings?
He was no longer content only being Erin's friend. No way—he knew what he was missing. If she hadn't kissed him, maybe they could have stayed in the gray area between friends and relationship, but not anymore. He had to know, for sure. And the only way to discover the answer was to make a move, put himself out there. He might crash and burn, but his only remaining question was when. He snorted softly. Too many questions, not enough answers.
The wind picked up, rustling the nylon, and the tent darkened. Tyler was right: they were in for another thunderstorm. Ryan wouldn't flash back this time. He knew the storm was coming, and he had the memory of that kiss to keep him right here, focused on Erin, hoping for another one. Planning on another one. Would she kiss him back or turn away? Or worse yet, give him the "let's just be friends" line? That never really bothered him; there was always another woman out there to meet, but Erin was different. She was it. End of the line.
Lightning flashed, and twenty seconds later, the thunder boomed. Erin started awake, rolled up on her elbow, and looked down at him. He couldn't see anything but a vague suggestion of her head. But he knew she was beautiful without seeing a thing.
"Are you okay, Ryan?"
"Yeah. I knew this one was coming. Wind's been picking up, and it's getting darker." Temperature dropped, too, but his pounding heart kept him warm.
"Oh." She plopped back down on her bag, her shoulder next to his. "But we knew the last one was coming."
Ryan shuddered the memory of that day away. "Yeah, but I was concentrating on my footing and the trees and moving as quickly as I could, so the sound shocked me. Sent me right back."
She paused. "Will you tell me what happened?"
Ryan swallowed the sour taste in his mouth. He'd known he had to tell her eventually, but he really didn't want to. But she had to know all of him to make a relationship work.
"It's okay if you don't want to, but I'll listen if it helps."
Erin never judged, even when she probably should. He sighed. "I don't really want to talk about it, but you deserve to hear it. Especially when you risked your life to stay with me."
She held up her hand. "Ryan, it's okay. You don't owe me anything. The chances of being hit by lightning would be the same if I stayed or left, but I would have stayed, regardless."
"I know. That's the kind of person you are." Ryan gathered his courage, staring up at the tent. Talking about this was much harder than it should be even after all the therapy he'd had. "I was in Afghanistan; our base was under attack. The thing is, I don't remember much. It's more like a series of impressions and emotions and flashes all jumbled together that I've pieced together into a story."
He took another deep breath. Come on, Walsh, have some guts. "They had attacked the airfield before. There'd be a few mortars or rockets, we'd dive for the shelter in the hangar, hunker down for a few minutes, then go back to work. Every time they'd hit us, my crew had been working in the hangar. We'd been lucky. The day it happened, I was out on the flightline, doing the final checks on the bird, and I was about as far from a bunker as you could get. The siren went off, and we all ran for the shelter. Then I was flying through the air, and everything was silent. There was no noise at all. I hit the ground, hard, and it was incredibly loud, like someone turned the mute button back to 'on'. Somebody was screaming their head off, and it wasn't until the rest of my crew ran up to me that I realized it was me. I was screaming. I was on my side, curled in a ball, and there was blood all around me. My hand was in front of my face, but the angle was all wrong. It was palm up, and twisted, and bloody. One guy put a hand on my shoulder, pressing me down into the tarmac, and then there was this excruciating band of fire around my arm."
