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“Jaxon, please don’t do this to me. I want to tell you everything, I just-”
He doesn’t care to listen to me anymore. Jax is speeding past me on his bike, the rainwater splashes against my legs, I spin around as he drives away and I watch him turn into a blur down the road.
My heart sinks. He’s angry, he’smorethan angry. He’s broken.
With the alcohol in his system and the condition of the roads…
He knows what he’s doing. I could sense the self-destruction in him. The need to get rid of the pain. I know what that feels like all too well.
What have I done? I waste five more minutes standing in the rain trying to decipher how this all went wrong. And the only answer I can come up with is…me. This all went wrong because of me. Because I can’t seem to let people in and because I’m so hellbent on holding grudges or trying to keep a steady track record of hiding pain with the need for control.
I rush back inside to try and find Jaelynn. But the second I see her, I know that she’s hammered; thank God the only thing I’ve had to drink was a Redbull. I told her I would be the DD tonight, even though it was my birthday celebration, I had no intentions of drinking other than the pregame shot we took at the house.
I see Kylan, Jax’s younger brother, and I approach him. I don’t know if he knows that I know that he and Jae have a thing, but I have to take a chance so that I can get Jae home safely while I chase after Jaxon.
“How many drinks have you had tonight?” I ask abruptly, tapping on his shoulder and not caring how everyone around him looks at me like I’m cuckoo. He jumps a little. I must have surprised him as he was in the middle of a conversation with someone.
“Sorry,” I wince, apologizing to the guys he’s with. “How many?” I ask again.
“None.” He nods at his glass of water. “Why?”
“I need you to get Jaelynn home for me, can you do that?” He can sense the panic in my voice despite me trying to stay calm.
“Sure, but what’s going on?”
“It’s hard to explain, but Jax is-” I’m interrupted by the harsh echoed sounds of an ambulance speeding down the road.
I don’t know how I hear it over the noise in the bar, but I do. And then I see the glow of the red and blue lights flickering against the windows before they disappear with the sounds, traveling down the road. The same road Jax took off on.
What have I done?
I take off toward the door and jump into my Range Rover. I speed down the road, hypocritical to my own advice of driving safe in the rain. But my instincts are on overdrive, everything is on overdrive.
I turn on my windshield wipers to combat the rain, but I can’t see much at the speed I’m racing. I can see the ambulance lights in the distance, I’m getting closer which lets me know they’re at a standstill.
My heart pounds as I near, and I pray to anything higher that this isn’t what I think it will be.
But apparently nothing and no one was listening.
Because I’m too late.
twenty
THIRTEEN YEARS AGO
“Pleasemom.Jaxonjustbought a new guitar and I kind of want to see him embarrass himself.” Hollis shrugged her shoulders excitedly with a goofy smile plastered on her face as her mom leaned into the oven.
The smell of meats and cheeses filled the air as her mom’s famous lasagna was put to bake.
“Hollis, dinner starts in thirty-five minutes. Can’t you wait until after dinner?” Her mom gave her an unsure look. But Hollis didn’t give up. She knows that Jax had been asking for a guitar for a while now and she really wanted to be the first one to hear him practice something on it.
“Mom, you know Jaxon has different friends now. He’s in high school, remember? He’s probably going to hang out with them tonight and I don’t think he’ll have time for me this weekend.” She didn’t intend to let her sadness show, but it was inevitable. She didn’t like thinking about how Jax might be moving on to a different friend group, or a different life in general. One that might not include her.
But he had been her best friend for so long, she wasn’t ready to give him up.
“Okay, but you need to be back here in thirty minutes to help set the table. Got it?” Her mom turned to wash her hands as Hollis squealed.
“Thanks, mom!” She didn’t waste any more time and bolted out the front door and across the street to Jaxon’s house.
