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“I tried once, about three or four years ago. There was a guy in my master’s program who asked me out. I had been around him at our work-study placement, and in class, so I thought I’d give it a shot. I lied though, I told him I was celibate. He thought I was religious, but it worked, he didn’t try anything physical at first. A few weeks went by, we had gone on several dates, and he tried to make a move. I blurted out bits of the truth to get him to stop.” I laugh hollowly again, shaking my head, still in disbelief about what happened.
“He looked at me with disgust. He scoffed and complained that I wasn’t even a virgin.” I roll my eyes even thinking of that night. “I left obviously, avoided him the rest of the semester. He probably told people, but oh well. I don’t see them anymore anyway.”
“Thea, I am so sorry. That is horrible.” Callie looks at me in shock after hearing all of this. “You should have never been treated that way.”
“After that, I never attempted to date. I never even cared to try. Until, Jesse.” I smile to myself. “He never pushed me, never expected anything of me, or made me feel like I owed him. We have been able to make progress with my physical issues though.”
“I saw you kiss him yesterday. It looked natural.” She smiles, fueling my need to talk about him. Girl talk is a good distraction from real life at the moment.
“Yeah. He’s been amazing. We’ve even… Ya know.” I giggle, feeling a little embarrassed. Callie squeals, begging me for details. So I give in, sparing her a few bits of information, but keeping some things for myself. I hold onto our most intimate moments with all my might, hoping they aren’t the last.
“I’m in love with him,” I tell her, watching as she nods her head in understanding. “But, now he’s gone. He might be gone.” I sob, the dam breaking before I can control it. “I might not ever get the chance to tell him.”
Callie wraps me in her arms, offering all the comfort she can while the crying racks my body. I’m heaving for breath when she wipes the dampened hair off my forehead, getting my attention. “Come on, let’s go get some fresh air. It might help,” she says, her own eyes filled with tears as well.
“Nathan said to stay inside.”
She shrugs at my comment. “What he doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.” With a smile, she drags me outside.
We stand on the porch for a few minutes, watching the sun start to sink into the sky. It’s a few hours until dark, but I can’t help the fear ravaging my body because Jesse is out there somewhere alone or hurt. He can’t be gone. I need him to come back to me.
“I need a minute.” I squeeze Callie’s hand before letting it go, grateful that I have her as a sister-in-law. Nathan really couldn’t have found anyone better.
I walk across the lawn that circles the cabin, stopping when I make it to the tree line. The forest goes on for miles out here, the dense trees too thick in some places to even see through.
Just as I do on my runs some mornings, I stare into the woods and scream. I pour my emotions out, making my throat raw and my eyes water. I scream and scream, and scream until my legs give out, dropping me to my knees.
“Where are you, Jesse?” I rasp into the expanse of nothingness before me, hoping my voice is heard by whatever great power can help me.
Chapter Forty-Two
Jesse
Thea’s here. Her wavy blonde hair is flowing down her shoulders, her bright yellow skirt is shifting in the breeze. It has flowers on it but I can’t tell what kind.
My eyelids are drooping heavily, blurring my vision. I’m so tired.
When I blink through it, fighting off the exhaustion, she’s strutting toward me in her tight jean shorts and cowboy boots. Her top is stretched tight across her perky tits and it makes me salivate knowing how they look underneath.
“I’m ready, Jesse,” she says but it’s faint. I have to strain to hear her even though she’s right in front of me.
“Ready for what, baby?” I’m mesmerized by her tan thighs as she starts to straddle me. I hold my breath, anticipating her sweet hips meeting mine, but before she makes contact with my lap she disappears.
A sob tears free from my throat. She was right there. She was so close.
Sometime after hour twelve, I started to see her. The hallucinations are on a loop and my brain can’t rectify it. I know she isn’t real but the loss feels real every time.
I’m too afraid to close my eyes and sleep, and not see what’s coming for me. When I do close my eyes, I see Curtis. His body slumped over the steering wheel of his ratty car.
The plan was to meet him at midnight in the parking lot of a bowling alley, but when I arrived, I found him unconscious. I thought he was dead, and it took me off guard.
My distraction was used against me, and within a second, at least three guys jumped me from behind. They used an inhalant, chloroform probably. I was knocked out cold before I even saw their faces.
It left me with a split lip and a swollen eye. My old stitches have reopened and at least one rib is broken. The pain has helped keep me alert though, so I’ll take any advantage I can get.
I’m probably past the twenty-four-hour mark now. It feels as if I’ve been stuck in this chair for days, but a long day turned to night only once. So, I know it hasn’t been more than that.
The barn that I’m in looks like one of Jameson’s. I don’t know what they know, or why they took me, but I’ve been sitting here sweating in this stuffy building for too damn long.
