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For the first time in ages, I wasn’t off my face by 10 PM. I could still feel the undercurrent of sadness permeating every cell in my body, but there was a lightness in my step and a vague sense that maybe I might find my way through this thick fog of pain.
Quinn had noticed. I could tell from the puzzled looks he kept throwing my way as we lounged on the sofa, game controllers in hand. He had always been the most perceptive of my friends. He picked up on my moods and adapted to them, whereas Harley didn’t until I had drunk myself into a coma.
The three of us hunted each other on the screen. My avatar was holed up in an attic, waiting for an opportunity to snipe my friends for the win, but my mind wasn’t really on the game. It was a miracle I wasn’t dead already. Harley and Quinn traded insults and I… I thought about Stella.
There was something about that girl that drew me in. It wasn’t her looks exactly. She wasn’t overtly beautiful, although she was pretty behind those ugly glasses. It was more her sass and the way she didn’t simper and preen in my presence. With her, what I saw was what I got. She wasn’t fake. And I liked that about her. I also liked the way she blushed when something embarrassed her.
I really wanted to know what lay under the baggy clothes she always wore, and I had a feeling that line of thinking might keep me busy for a while once I finally fell into bed. The scent of her had driven me mad while we sat together in the library, making notes for our presentation. Every time she shuffled on her seat, I was hit with a waft of vanilla and cherries. It was like a drug I never knew I needed until now. She was a delicious narcotic, and I was addicted. This was bad, yet I couldn’t find it in me to care.
She’d emailed me the notes from earlier, signed off with “Stella”. No emojis or anything. The girl was blunt to the point of rudeness, but it was refreshing. It was obvious she didn’t want to waste her time on bullshit, which I respected.
Quinn’s jubilant yells interrupted my musings. I looked up to find he’d killed my avatar and won the game, but for once I didn’t mind.
“Dude, you’re not even playing. Too busy thinking about Stella, eh?” he asked in a teasing voice.
“Fuck off,” I threw back, but there was no venom in it. He smiled and punched me in the arm because that was his love language.
“Ouch, that fucking hurt!”
“Ooh I think Braxy is in lurve,” he chortled.
That did it. I launched myself at him and pinned him to the sofa cushions, raining blows down on his head and chest as he laughed his ass off. I ended up laughing too, for the first time in weeks. It felt good and some of the heaviness that had settled on my chest dissipated.
Chapter 16
Stella
Insomnia had always been a problem for me. Dad had told me that as a baby, I didn’t sleep like I was supposed to. He said I’d often been awake for hours at a time, looking around, taking the world in. It had probably driven him mad, which was why I’d been raised by nannies and other hired help after Mom had died giving birth.
Around six hours of sleep was normal for me, but lately, six hours was a good night. Mostly I was struggling to get four hours of sleep. I wasn’t an idiot.
Insufficient sleep was seriously bad for my health; I could see the dark hollows beneath my eyes every time I looked in the mirror, but what could I do?
Sleeping tablets were always a last resort. Yeah, they worked, but they also left me feeling spaced out for the rest of the day. I had tried antihistamines too, but they had a similar effect.
I lay in bed. It was nearly 5 AM, so not ridiculously early. It was obvious I wasn’t going to get back to sleep.
My options were to read for a bit or go for an early run. I procrastinated for 15 minutes while debating whether I could be bothered to leave the warmth of my bed, but eventually, my bladder forced me into the bathroom, and I decided I may as well go for a run now it was semi-light outside.
Back in New York, I hadn’t run outside much, preferring to use the treadmill in the gym. But here, I enjoyed running outdoors.
The school was surrounded by hundreds of acres of forest, so there were running trails everywhere. It was scenic as hell and the undulating landscape had done wonders for my cardio fitness. I was a lot fitter than I had been a month ago. The undulating trails were also good news for my legs and butt. I’d never looked so toned.
Yay.
Not that anyone ever saw the new and improved me thanks to the loose clothing I preferred.
I dragged on my running shorts and pushed my boobs into a tight sports bra. The damn thing was barely keeping them in check, but I couldn’t afford a new one. I also needed new running shoes but again, money. Still, the advantage of running on trails as opposed to pavement was that the surface had a lot more give, so the lack of cushioning in my shoes was less of a problem.
Once outside, I breathed in a lungful of fresh air and began my warm-up routine. There was nobody about, as per usual. It seemed as if most of the students here were night owls, not early birds like me. I’d seen one or two running in the mornings, but mostly I had these trails to myself, which was fine with me.
I hit the start button on my GPS watch and set off, heading for the overlook trail, which led up to a lookout point across the valley. It was about 10k in total, with the lookout at the halfway mark.
I’d run this trail a few times now. The views were spectacular, and the lookout point allowed me to catch my breath before heading back to campus. On a morning like this, where the sky was clear, it was worth the burn of the climb up to the highest point.
I reached it in record time, pausing my watch so as not to fuck my stats up while resting for a moment. My heart rate slowly came back down while I enjoyed the view. Pink streaks cut across the sky and in the far distance, I saw a large bird floating on warm air currents high above the valley below.
It was moments like this when was able to forget about all the shit of the last few months. I could almost pretend Dad wasn’t in prison, and we weren’t financially ruined. Instead, I was at college, having the time of my life, and all was well with the world. Except it wasn’t. My world had imploded the day the FBI came to arrest Dad on federal fraud charges.
