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Waves of calm reassurance flowed through my bond but I shut it down. I locked the dam in my mind—in my heart—that connected me to my soulmate. The bond that the Blood Moon had blessed me with. Because to own it, to revel in the small comfort it offered, brought on a fresh wave of shame.
“Don’t do that,” Silver growled low in his throat. “Don’t you shut me out.”
“I can’t do this.”
I walked from the room where I’d been surrounded by my friends, my pack, and out the door.
Of course, Winter was a ghost. She’d hightailed it out of our lives without a backward glance. Hadn’t Silver mentioned he’d passed her on the way here?
The hallway wasn’t actually that long, maybe thirty yards on the outside, and split to a fork at the far end. But something made me positive that she wasn’t nearby.
The sweet lingering scent of cedar and the bite of sour apple hung at the back of my throat. I wanted to reach out and touch that scent, to trace it back to wherever she was holed up, but it fractured as soon as I tried. The part that had lingered which was so quintessentially Winter was already stale and lifeless on the air.
“You can’t keep blaming yourself.” Silver turned me to face him, pressing me close to his chest and surrounding me with the scent of leather and tobacco, and that spice that was so Mongrel which draped itself possessively over his skin. “And if you do insist on holding onto this pain, know you don’t have to shoulder it alone, my little alpha.”
“I’m no alpha,” I laughed bitterly at the thought but my arms curled up around Silver of their own accord, holding him tight. “Not a real one, like Grimm. Can’t even keep one friend safe. How am I gonna take care of them? They have nowhere else to go, Silver. This is it for them.”
“Hey, I happen to think the Soul Reapers are a catch. I’m here. And Mongrel. And the girls have already taken y’all under their wing. Don’t underestimate the sweetbutts or club girls, Sash. They’re fierce when they lobby for something important. And, for all his faults, Grimm is a good alpha. He listens to his people. Constantly considers others, anticipates their needs. Just like you.”
“Uh-huh.” I spat back, grabbing at my mark like I could claw it away from my skin. “So why was I so blind about this? About the hurt it would do?”
Silver grabbed my hand before my nails could dig into the flesh. “Because we are all a little blind when it comes to our own happiness. The Prez included.”
“What’s his deal, Silver? Help me understand why he can’t even stand being in the same room with me.”
“I wish I could, kitten. But some stories are their own to tell. Winter and Grimm? They are the type who hold their stories—their wounds—close to their chest. The only thing you can do is let them grapple with it and help pick up the pieces when they finally crumble.”
I drew in a shuddering breath and nodded. Still, a whine worked up my throat. “I need to check on her, though. It’s this thing, deep inside, which tells me I’ve got to—”
“Hm? What’s that you say, little alpha?” He grinned that cheeky, lopsided smile at me and I shoved him in the chest. “She’s safe now.”
He tipped my chin up and placed a soft kiss to my lips, unraveling my intentions to keep him at a distance.
This was Silver’s super power. He didn’t come at you with force, he came at you with compassion. And nothing in my life had taught me how to defend against this sort of kindness. The stubborn fist inside me that was holding our bond shut, shattered. My mate sighed in relief and pressed a little closer, stroking a thumb over my mark in a gentle rhythm.
“She will always be safe while we protect her.”
“I should have protected her,” I growled.
“And where would you and I be then?” Silver tipped a brow up and waited. “Do you think feeding her misery will make it seem any less?”
“I meant back there. From Chains. I should have defended her with my life. Then she would be whole.”
“You think that would have stopped a man like Chains?!” Silver snarled, his wolf pressing forward and staring me down at the thought of my sacrificing everything for her. “How many others had he already destroyed with his sick animal, Sasha?” My omega heaved out a sigh. “No, mate. I’m sorry to say you have this one backward. Having each other to live for? That’s what kept you both alive.”
I tucked my head back under his chin and let my omega mate’s belief roll through me. His certainty that even this terrible pain had its place in our lives, that it served a purpose. This was why omegas were so prized amongst packs, I realized. They weren’t leaders, and they weren't soldiers. Oh, I was sure they were fierce enough in battle when their loved ones were threatened. But their true worth was found in these quiet moments.
Omegas were the glue which put the broken pieces of their people back together once the battle was done and everyone had to go on living.
If Silver was offering to help glue the shattered pieces of my soul back together so I could protect my people, I would take it.
Not for the first time, I felt a sad resonance in my heart. The feeling that I had been born with only half myself, an echoing lament to the moon. I’d never spoken it out loud but with my mate, I tried to find the words.
“If I had a wolf, I could have protected her.”
Shame caught in my throat.
“If you had a wolf, you never would have met her, my mate,” Silver murmured. “I know it’s hard to imagine, but sometimes these wounds are the way the Blood Moon Goddess shows us to the people our soul needs to claim. And those we need to protect. The people who were being held by the Bone Crushers needed you, Sasha. They needed a champion. Someone to give them a reason to hold on to hope.”
