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“Sorry I missed dinner.”
Rachel shrugged. “There are plenty of leftovers if you want them.”
Jack didn’t respond right away, and a strange silence fell in the room. Grandma Tate got to her feet and cleared her throat. “I think I’ll head upstairs and grab my book. Are you two hanging out in here or out on the deck?”
Rachel smiled at the bluntness of the question. Shehadnever been one to beat around the bush. Rachel took Jack by the hand and pulled him up from the couch. While she and Jack had not officially made it known to Grandma Tate that they were an item, it was pretty much known. Even Paige had made comments about how Mr. Jack was coming over to visit more than usual.
“I think we’ll take the deck.”
Jack’s smile remained as he got to his feet. “Goodnight, Mrs. Tate.”
Rachel kept his hand in hers as she led him through the kitchen and out into a dusk that would be night in a very short while. It was chilly, which was fine with Rachel because it would give her an excuse to snuggle in close to him. Not that sheneededan excuse. Ever since her diagnosis, she’s become a lot more affectionate than she’d ever been—something Jack seemed to appreciate.
The handful of solar lights down by the edge of the porch and flowerbeds glowed a soft blue as Rachel and Jack settled down in the rocking glider. There was no subtlety or guesswork in their posture; Jack put his arm around her, drew her close, and they shared a long and lingering kiss.
When it broke several seconds later, she rested her head on his shoulder. “I hate this,” she said.
“What? The snuggling or the kissing.”
“Neither, really. I hatebeingso snuggly.”
“Yeah, this is new. I have to say, I like it, though. Is it any indicator of how your day was?”
“Today was fine. More of the same, really. Hard decisions to make, a bleak future to look forward to.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Jack asked.
She shook her head. “No. I think I’d rather hear about your case.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’ll live vicariously through you for a while, I suppose.”
So he spent about five minutes walking her through the scattered details of the case he’d been assigned to earlier in the day. By his own admission, it wasn't much of a case at all. The bureau had gotten several tips about two men in a white van that had been allegedly staking out a variety of buildings like hospitals, doctor's offices, and public libraries. One upstanding citizen had managed to photograph the pair, and one of them just happened to have a rap sheet a mile long with charges of damage to personal property and larceny. Other than the van, the man's name and criminal history, and a partial license plate, there wasn't much to go on. It would be easier, of course, if the criminal in question had a permanent residence, but as Jack explained it, he hadn't lived anywhere with any sort of permanence in over three years.
“And that was my afternoon,” he said. “I was late because we thought we had a hit on the van, but it turned out to be nothing—just painting contactors out of Mechanicsville.”
He wasn’t lying…it really didn’t sound like much of a case. But she would have much rather been chasing after ghosts in a white van rather than sitting around the house trying to figure out if she wanted to die quickly but with some grace or to extend her life a bit but be sick and tired near the end of it.
They sat in silence as night fell all around them. There were about a hundred different things she wanted to say and ask but didn’t quite have the courage. She didn’t want him to suffer because of what she was going through, but she also didn’t want to push him away. Maybe, she thought, it would be best to just lay the decision at his feet.
“I know we’ve briefly talked about it before,” she said. “But you know that whatever path I choose, it’s going to come to a sad end.”
“We don’t know that for sure. You can beat it.”
She wished his optimism was contagious or that it could at least cheer her up a bit. But it did nothing. If anything, it made her feel a bit sad for him. “The chances of that are that are incredibly slim. Like one in about one hundred thousand, according to Dr. Emerson.”
“Okay…so why bring up this end you seem to think is so inevitable?”
“Because I need you to understand that I don’t expect you to stay through it all. I think it would be selfish of me to expect that.”
He nodded, but she could tell he wasn’t even considering it. “Well, the only way I’m going to leave your side is if I hear it from you. If you, for some reason along whatever path you take, decide you need one less person around to support you and want to cut me loose, I’ll respect that.” He frowned and then, looking into her eyes, asked: “Is that what you want?”
“No,” she said right away, returning his gaze. Reading his eyes, she had no doubt at all that he loved her, too. It was plain to see, as conceited as that sounded. But it did make her feel a bit more secure. “Not right now, anyway,” she added.
“Okay, so let’s not even mention that again. Not until things change on your end.” He stopped for a moment and then asked a question she knew would come before the night was out. “So,haveyou decided what you want to do?”
“I think I’m leaning one way more than the other. What doyouthink I should do?”
