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“We have doctors and nurses at the mansion,” Maks explains when I voice my concern as the hospital nurse replaces Natasha’s IV with one better suited for traveling.
I glance at Leon at the door. Last night, these men revealed what hides under their cold outer shell. I saw fear and love in their expressions. Heard them sound hopeful and full of despair. They were real people.
Today, the brothers have returned to acting like robots. I understand why they behave this way. I’ve long made clear how Natasha holds my heart in her hands. If anyone ever wants to fuck with me, they’ll know exactly who to hurt.
I can’t change how I operate. I run hot and temperamental. That’s the kind of kid I was back when no one loved me. It’s who I am as I cradle Natasha against my body and wait to travel to Thibeaux Mansion. It’ll be me when I’m old and looking death in the face.
NATASHA
My parents insist Petra and I should return home in ambulances. Though I want Bear to stay with me, I’m instead surrounded by stony-faced Syndicate employees. My family’s medical staff moves me to the ambulance under the supervision of armed men.
Closing my eyes, I try to relax. My body won’t stop shaking despite the blankets weighing me down. Mostly, I wish I could sleep.
On the ride, I hear motorcycles flanking the vehicles. Overhead, helicopters keep watch. Maks has always preferred overwhelming force. When I was little, I’d watch him surround himself with aggressive young men kept disciplined by his temper. He’s long wanted to beat the world into submission. Last night’s attack has given him permission to unleash his worst tendencies.
I try not to worry about what’ll happen next. My father is in control of Banta City again as Roman heals. Any enemies interested in testing the family’s resolve will likely skulk back into the shadows for now. An angry Viktor Kovak is not a beast to be poked at.
The rumble of motorcycles acts as a sedative, leading me to doze off during the ride. I dream of the beach. I hear the kids but don’t see them. Bear stands in the sand, wearing black trunks. At first, the dream feels relaxing. As I approach him, I see all his wounds, uncared for and bleeding.
Waking startled in the ambulance, I can’t remember if Bear said he was checked out by the doctors. I’m unsure if we really talked. The medicine is making my head all wrong. I think I remember a video with a kite. Was Bear with me then?
Losing control, I’m afraid to end up in the river again. Crying and screaming, I can’t tell how much time passes before the ambulance stops. The back doors fly open. Bear climbs inside and shoots a wary gaze at the woman caring for me.
“You’re home,” Bear says in his rumbly voice, and all my panic washes away. “The kids are coming to see you.”
“Don’t leave me,” I whisper and reach for him. “I have to protect you.”
Bear just smiles at my nonsense before backing out so the EMTs can move my gurney into the house. Under the emotionless gazes of the staff, I feel like a failure. My drugged brain shows me all of my mistakes. I’m forced to remember all the people I let suffer. I have so much power, yet Ollie still ended up dead.
In the elevator, I realize Bear is next to me. I feel his hand holding mine. He wants to be close. Last night scared him, too.
My brain flipflops. Now, I’m shown all my wins. I found Jacinda and Hector and saved them from a life with Andrew. I won Bear’s heart, even after he felt like a lost dream. I helped my sister when she couldn’t help herself.
With Bear at my side, I fixate on his handsome face. He watches me right back, unflinching as if his gaze on me will act as a shield.
The staff moves me from the gurney to my bed. They set up the monitors. My IV is checked. A stern-looking nurse is assigned to watch me. Though she doesn’t want to leave me alone, I need a moment with Bear before the kids arrive. That’s why I wield my Kovak tone to get the woman to stand outside my bedroom. Once she’s gone, I exhale deeply and try to center myself.
‘I love you,” I tell Bear who gives me a cocky grin as if he was always in control of my heart. “But never let me smother the kids.”
His smile disappears immediately. “Smother them how?”
“I’m scared,” I say as my voice breaks. “I want to wrap you, me, and them in the Syndicate’s power. The world is terrifying right now, and I might go overboard and suffocate the kids with rules, security, and paranoia. Don’t let me be that kind of mother.”
“They should be kept safe.”
“I want them to enjoy their childhood. With Andrew, they spent most of their days playing carefree.”
“Except when their dad hurt them.”
“No, that was just the one night. Andrew was rarely around. It was just Jacinda, Hector, and me, and we had fun,” I say and wish Bear would move closer. “Our life back then was goofy and carefree. I thought it would be the same way once we moved to your house. Except now, I worry I’ll smother them with security.”
Bear isn’t a man who says what a person wants to hear. He would have irritated me less years ago if he just kissed my ass and soothed my lovestruck heart. However, that’s not how he’s wired.
“It’s different when you’re the one in danger. I can handle my club brothers in the mix. I’ve lost a few over the years. The pain was bad but bearable. Losing you killed a part of me. I still feel like you’re not really with me,” Bear explains and runs his hands through his messy, brown hair. “I can’t be the voice of reason here, Natasha. I want to keep you and the kids safe. I won’t survive without you. I know that now. For two years, I waited for you to come back. But if you’re dead, there’s nothing to wait for. It’s just me and the pain. I don’t think I want to survive that.”
“Wait, so we’re both going to be paranoid, then?”
“Seems like it.”
