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“If he did, Maks didn’t share those reasons with me.”
“I could theoretically text Sync to see if he knows anything. However, if he doesn’t have any info, he’ll start texting all his biker bros about Bear. I can’t imagine that’ll go over well.”
“Do you think Bear is coming here to yell at me?”
“No, Nat. Bear doesn’t yell. He just does that growling thing where he sounds like a failing radiator.”
Despite my laughter, I really love when he sounds like that. “I’m scared.”
“You’ve already had Bear’s dick inside you. How scared can you be?”
“I had Andrew’s dick in me, too.”
“Oh, well, that was different,” Siobhan stammers. “He was just some guy, but Bear is my family. He won’t hurt you. It would break my heart and then I’d break something on him. Are there bones in a man’s dick? If yes, I’ll break them.”
I wish I could drive to Siobhan’s house and stay with her until I feel normal again. Instead, I say, “You’re a good friend.”
“What if he wants to marry you like before?” she asks, seeming hesitant. “I know he’s still into you. He asked about you last night at the club. We couldn’t really talk, but he seemed sadder than normal.”
“I don’t want to forgive him for Ollie.”
“No, that was sloppy on his part. But if you were married to Bear,” she says, and her voice betrays her excitement, “you could stay in Banta City. And he has a big house now with a huge lot and a slick backyard. Your kids would go to the same school as mine. We could be soccer moms together.”
I want to sink into the happy future she paints. Except I think of Ollie and feel guilty for going weak over Bear.
“But I’d have to forgive him.”
“Not really,” Siobhan replies immediately as if waiting for my comment. “You put up with a lot of shit with Andrew just to keep the kids. Why can’t you suffer through your resentments toward Bear? That way, you’d get to stay here where you have your family and friends. And you said Bear was good in bed. That already makes him better than the dead asshole.”
Sinking into the reality before me, I admit, “I think I could have loved Bear.”
“I know, babe. He was going to be your guy like Sync was mine. But you still have a shot here. Isn’t eighty percent happiness with Bear better than whatever schmuck your family picks for you?”
I think about Petra’s husband. Brandon Arany seemed handsome enough. He wasn’t a violent monster like his brother. He was the “Fredo” of his family. Petra seemed to genuinely like him at one point, but she was lonely in Ohio. His family never took a shine to her, though they doted on Shari and Vica, the daughters they resented Petra for giving Brandon rather than a son. My sister couldn’t make friends while stuck on their estate all the time. She became trapped at home with her children and people who were always undercutting her.
After she gave birth to the treasured son, they lost what interest they had in Petra. Now, they’ve tossed her out like the trash. The only reason they let her keep Laszlo is because he’s young and sickly. Once he’s strong enough, they’ll expect him to live at their estate like the girls do. Is that the future waiting for me if I don’t marry Bear?
“What if Bear just shows up and growls at me?”
“I don’t know,” Siobhan replies. “Meow at him, maybe? Moo like a cow. No, wait, just cry. Bear is a huge asshole to most people, but he can’t stand when women cry. That’s why he avoids Carys when she’s knocked up and prone to tears.”
“Everything you’re saying makes sense, but I’m still scared.”
“The night Andrew went too far was only a few days ago. Why wouldn’t you be scared of everything right now?”
Peeking out from the bathroom, I find my babies sleeping soundly. “The kids seem so calm like nothing’s gone wrong in their lives.”
“Yes, because they have the luxury of knowing their mommy will fix their problems. You saved them from Andrew. You’re making moves to appease your family. To them, they’re on a fun trip with their protective mommy. You’re the one who must prepare for all the twists and turns. So, yeah, of course, you’re scared.”
Tearing up, I feel exhausted. “I miss you.”
“It feels like we’re still separated,” she admits as her voice breaks. “But that’ll pass. Just breathe deep and think positive. Bear isn’t a stranger. He might be angry with you for making him look bad, but he’s not a moron. He knows he hurt you, too.”
Exhaling deeply, I look at myself in the mirror. “If I get scared, I’ll pretend you’re with me. Just like I did back with Andrew.”
“Don’t get too attached to imaginary Siobhan. The real one might not live up to her perfection.”
Smiling, I ask about Siobhan’s day. As she explains her routine in minute detail, I work on my hair. Next, I apply a lot of makeup to help hide my black eye. Instead of concealing anything, I look like a battered hooker.
