AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She made a noise, backed away from her cell phone, and immediately ran to the bathroom pausing. No! She wasn’t going to slide down that slope, nor was she about to damage herself, not when she wanted something so much more.
Max.
He was her security blanket, her friend, and gave things to her straight. He was never hurtful, never cruel, and would be devastated if she relapsed, feeling it deep down in her heart. It had been years… years… since she had a problem. She wasn’t about to allow one into her life now when she was happier than she’d ever been.
Picking up her phone, she texted her mother so she didn’t call or show up.
Mom, I do not need someone making underhanded comments about weight, gaining weight, or my marriage. I refuse to have a setback. This is not mentally healthy for me. Please don’t call back. I’ll reach out when I’m ready.
Fine.
Her mother texted back one single word, and that was enough to swamp her with guilt for wanting to stand up for herself. Her counselor had reinforced repeatedly over the years that boundaries were a good thing and that you didn’t have to explain why. ‘No’ means ‘no’ and should be respected.
Dialing her counselor’s number, she hated the way her voice trembled.
“Hey, Dr. Pearson. It’s Elana Cole, um, Carpenter… and I think I need to have a chat. Can I schedule an appointment?”
As Elana walked into the restaurant, she was a little overwhelmed by how busy it was. She could smell the food in the air and heard the chatter of voices surrounding her as families talked over dinner. The hostess waved her over and smiled.
“I’m supposed to meet the Flyboys party?” Elana began, and the woman smiled widely, waving her over. The two began walking to a back area where several tables were pushed together. There were women standing around, talking and laughing, along with children in their arms and sitting nearby snacking on chips.
“Hi…” A woman was saying quietly, while pulling a little girl’s hand out of a bowl of salsa, wiping her hand with a napkin while a boy stuck out his tongue at her. “Can I buy one because I’m going to need one, too.”
Two pregnant women were holding up blankets before them and looked overwhelmed by emotion. Several others were smiling and nodding at each other. It was a pleasant, friendly, family scene, and right now, she was a little leery when it came to ‘family.’
“You don’t have to buy it,” another woman said excitedly, nodding and making the two little buns on the top of her head wobble. She was smiling with such warmth and happiness. “Call it a ‘benefit’ of being part of our Flyboys family.”
“Are you sure?”
“Just send me a few colors you like and give me a week or so – unless my husband is in town. We all know how that goes.”
There were smiles of support and knowing laughter from several of the other wives – all of whom hadn’t noticed her yet. No, Elana was the stranger, the odd one of the group, and her mental alarm was already sensitive after the phone call earlier.
“It goes like this,” a woman chuckled, pointing at her stomach, that was still flat, causing several exclamations of happiness from everyone. She was announcing she was pregnant, and Elana heard her mother’s voice in her head again.
“Or this,” the lady who’s asked about buying the blanket was now smiling and pointing to her own stomach, announcing her pregnancy.
“This,” a brown-haired woman added – and elbowed a red-headed woman, who nodded and quickly pointed at her own stomach.
Both of them were pregnant?
“This, this, this,” another redhead with long, straight hair sang happily, pointing emphatically at her growing tummy and laughing in sheer joy.
“And this,” the woman with the two buns on her head whispered tearfully, feeling so much joy and pride. “I found out not two hours ago, and Pete doesn’t know yet, so please don’t say anything until I have a chance to tell him.”
The exclamation surrounding the multiple pregnancies was full of laughter and joy as they all hugged, person after person, celebrating and welcoming, and Elana felt more broken than ever before. Her grip on that slippery slope was loosening alarmingly fast.
Her mother’s words, their pregnancy announcements, combined with the fact that she’d asked Max not to touch her because she was desperately afraid of his thoughts, the way he would look at her…
Elana had pushed away the best person in the world who had every right to ask for a child – and she wasn’t sure this was something she could give him without extreme detriment to her own self. And suddenly, in her own mind, she was comparing herself to these women, recognizing the red flags as she compared her waist, her arms, her backside, and her legs in the unhealthiest fashion and couldn’t help it.
She could practically see that frightened girl losing her grip mentally when she tried to hang on and was sliding into the mental abyss. The woman with the little buns on her head suddenly looked up and met her eyes, and Elana backed away. She quickly turned and practically ran from the area blindly, bumping into someone on her way out the front door.
No, Elana wasn’t ready to meet anyone after the setback earlier and couldn’t wait to talk to Dr. Pearson tomorrow.
The next day, Elana was walking a client to the door of her office, promising to call them tomorrow to discuss the next steps of their case, only to see Eileen sitting there patiently on a padded bench deliberately in front of her office door.
“Hello,” Eileen began quietly.
