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Jay stepped forward and hesitantly held out his hand, his eyes darting to me for approval, and my grandfather took it, shaking it warmly.“You look like a good egg,” he said.“This one hangs out with a lot of idiots.You should meet his last girlfriend.”
“Grandpa,” I warned.
“Are you in college?What do you study, Jay?”my grandfather asked, nosy and domineering as ever.I wondered if there were any majors he might approve of — if I could be with a man so long as he was going into a good profession.
Jay cleared his throat, glancing at me.“I’m studying civil engineering.At Stanford.”
As my grandfather nodded eagerly, complimenting Jay’s choice of major, I blinked, looking toward my boyfriend.I hadn’t known that.Why hadn’t I known that?In my imagination, he was an artist of some sort, maybe.Instead, he was an engineering major.At my school.
Again, a different type of future unfolded in my imagination; one with Jay at the center of my life, with me loving him, and him supporting me as I found work I was passionate about.Maybe Jay was right.Maybe I didn’t need to do everything my parents wanted me to do.My grandfather was technically the one paying for my school, after all, and he seemed to approve of Jay majoring in something other than business.
But then my mother cut in with mocking words.I half listened to her as she spoke, watching her and thinking about how different she was now from the woman who’d raised me.When I was very young, she’d been warmer, kinder, maybe how she’d once been.But over the years, she’d lost more and more of whoever she’d been.How this family had warped and corrupted a once sweet, beautiful young woman.
Could I do that to Jay?I swallowed, a wave of desire roaring down my throat and into my limbs, so strong it almost bowled me over.The need to kiss him was so intense I could taste it; the craving was like a starvation that had overtaken all reason.I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt this way about anyone.It was difficult to refocus on the conversation, but I managed a polite goodbye.
“You’ll come to family dinner the next time you have off?”my grandfather asked.“Both of you?”
“Of course,” I lied.“We’d better go now.”I gave my mother and grandfather a quick hug, then grabbed Jay’s hand and rushed him out the door, holding onto him like a lifeline in the wild sea.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t open with them,” I said, the guilt weighing on me.
“It’s okay.You’re not out.But your grandfather is adorable,” he said as we loaded our bags into my trunk.He seemed cheerfully oblivious to my chaotic thoughts, and I wanted to keep him that way, wanted to keep Jay as he was.
He didn’t need to get wrapped up in the Yamada bullshit.
“He wasn’t always like that,” I said, thinking back to my childhood, to the once-stern patriarch that had ruled the Yamada clan.I hadn’t bonded with my grandfather until he retired when I was ten.
“Really?”Jay asked.
“When I was little, he was still working as CEO.Ruled with an iron fist, and all that.He and my mother fought like crazy.”
“And your father?”
“Fell into line, of course.Everyone did.Now he’s the CEO, and my mother is the CMO, and they both turned into assholes.So I suppose that’s what’s in the cards for me.”I couldn’t keep the note of bitterness out of my voice, and Jay stepped closer and gave me a quick kiss.
“I’m proud of you for being open about who I am to you.That was bold.Next step: standing up for yourself about your major.”
I laughed, shaking my head.“It’s sweet of you to say, but that won’t happen.”
“Won’t know until you try,” he said cheerfully.
I didn’t want to argue with him, so I shrugged it off and climbed into the driver’s side of my SUV, smiling as he scrambled up into the passenger seat.Anytime we were alone, I felt right and settled again, sure I wanted to pursue something with him.
And we were headed back to camp, where we could shut out the outside world for a little while longer.That was all I needed: a little while longer with Jay, to absorb as much of his goodness as I could, before setting him free to find a boyfriend who wouldn’t fuck up his life.
I drove in silence, nodding and smiling at appropriate intervals in the conversation, as he chattered away about how fun it was going to be to stay in a cabin together, to sleep together every night, and finally, I relaxed, settling into the daydream of a life we’d be living for the next seven weeks.
Reality could be dealt with later.
twenty-five
Jay
Ididnotconsiderthe difficulty of waking up naked in Aiden’s arms to the clamor of the morning bell.His morning wood pressed against my thigh, demanding entrance to my ass, and I so wanted to give him that.But we had to get up.
At six in the morning.Whoever made up the schedule for these bells was surely a sadist.
Groaning, I rolled over to face him.“I hate that bell”
